Money Moral Dilemma: Should I leave my inheritance to just my daughter?

lizbec

I don't understand - sorry if I'm being stupid!
I remarried and we have one child ( mine) by a previous marriage and 2 children of our own. Our wills state that we each inherit the other's share of the estate when one of us dies. When /if we both die, the 3 children inherit an equal share each.
Perhaps it's different in my case because I know my daughter's father is unlikely to leave her anything.
We've tried to treat all 3 children equally and I'd hate to think that any special arrangements might cause difficulties after we've gone.

astroL

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I have a daughter and a stepson with my wife. Given that my stepson is due to inherit from his father one day, does it seem wrong to leave my own inheritance entirely to my daughter? I would suggest my and my wife's estate be split 50/50 with my half going to our daughter, and her half being split between our daughter and her son.

If you feel that it is right to show prejudice to your daughter, go ahead. Tell the son about your prejudice so he is not surprised at your decision.....

Barryfan

My husband and I have both been married before. He has three children, I have two from our previous marriages. Our estate is made up of a house plus savings. Our wills state that if one of us dies first then the other one gets the whole estate. When we have both died the estate is divided equally between the five children. My husband and I have never differentiated between "his" and "my" children (they were all adults when we first got together). We have never considered what (if anything) the children would receive from their other parent. We have made my step-son and my oldest daughter our executors so both half of the families are involved. We have told both of them so they are aware. Previous posters are right - you cannot rely on people "doing the right thing" when money is involved!

TBagpuss

I don't think there is a single right answer - anawful lot depends on the family dynamics.

If you married / got together when your children were all young then the situation, and the relationships which your children have with each other, are very diferent to relationships thye have with you and each other if you married when the childnre were all adults.

In most cases, I would anticipate it was likely to be fair to treat the children the same if they were all children of your family, and much more reasonable to treat them differently if your step-son was never part of your immediate family.

Simialrly, it would make a difference to me to know whather the step son is in fact likely to inherit from his own father - is his father in a smilar finacial position to you and your wife (as far as you know)? HJas he remarried? Does he have other children?

I also think that it is a kindness to explain why you have made the choices you have. Ideally in a conversation with the people concered, but if not, in a letter in whch you can explain thatthe choices were not as a result of a punishment or lack of afection for the step son but were intended to reflect the likely long term outcomes / nature of the financial relatinships you and your wife have with each other etc.

wilfred3

This link provides a good explanation. Remember, the step-child can always contest the will, but this is the last thing you want on the death of a parent.

http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/stepfamilies/stepfamilies-legal-information/inheritance-and-stepfamilies/

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

What if your SS's father decides to leave it all to Battersea Dogs' Home or spend it on cocaine and hookers? He'd be left with nothing.

I think it should be equally split. But, not only do we have two children each, we also have s*d all to leave in the first place.

wilfred3

I agree that it appears heartless not to leave a step-child ANYTHING.
On the one hand I suppose it depends on the relationship you had with your step-child. Think of the ill feeling it will inevitably leave towards the other children. This is what causes family feuds.

Robisere

I will not offer asdvice either way, but this is my story.

I am stepdad to two smashing people, now in their 40's, called me dad since I married their mum when they were young teenagers. I could not wish for a better son or a better daughter and I love them both to bits, as I love the grandchildren, two of each for ds and dd. That is all bitter-sweet for me though, since I was forced away from my biological son and daughter when they were 5 and 7 years old, and have never seen them since: they are in another country. Our ds & dd will not hear of me being called a stepfather, they say that since there are "no steps between us", it is nonsense and I am just dad. Their own biological father was a brutal, uncaring waste of space whom they both hated and they say that they did not know what a dad was until I came into their lives.

That is a long-winded way for me to say that everything we have as husband and wife is left to the surviving one of us. Everything left after the survivor passes, is left to ds & dd equally, with the exception of certain items which are already agreed between us and noted in the Will: some rare vinyl records, computers and accessories, and some ceramic items. We arrived at this after I underwent a series of operations, a life-risking process which has left me somewhat disabled but still able to get about. That kind of influences your outlook on life!

I attempted to contact my biologicals several times, more than once receiving horrible abuse. I learned that my ex-partner had also receive the abuse, so I simply left them contact details to use if they ever need them, after which I gave up. The result is that I did not take them into account when making a Will: I had an instruction made in the Will, that my stepchildren and -grandchildren are the only inheritors that I recognise as my own, and that ds & dd are the only children that I recognise as my own. That is important, and creates a definite path that cannot in law be successfully contested.

easilydistracted

This is an impossible question to answer as it depends on so many factors and personal circumstances. My step-daughter's mum is a single parent on benefits and has two other children. My sister is also a single parent on benefits and due to her health needs that's not likely to change too soon. As a result its likely that any join assets of my partner and I will be equally split between step-daughter, nephew and any children we have together later as all of them have no one else to provide for them. I like the symbolism although at the moment it isn't really any different to him leaving all of his to his daughter and me all of my to my nephew. Might be different if nephew had a loaded father but that's not the situation.

System

I sometimes think MSE Nick is HBK. He starts a thread and then never posts in it :huh: