Money Moral Dilemma: Should I leave my inheritance to just my daughter?

comeandgo

We have two children each and as my husband and I brought equal value to our marriage on the second death whatever is left will be equally split 4 ways. To say your step children will inherent from other parent is a bit premature. Nobody knows for sure until the eventual death.

AnneMary

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Why tell people what you've decided?

It's shocking that people expect to inherit. It's a gift, not a right.

I agree that no one can expect to inherit BUT I feel it is fair and causes less ill feeling if intentions are clear before someone dies. Grief mixed with feelings of "unfairness" can cause unnecessary rifts in families. If the reasoning for decisions is clear and expectations known there will be less upset.

Like many Moral Dilemas this is a communication issue.

ukjack

In order:
1 Don't be a scrooge in your/your wife's life so you can leave them money.
2 Best to give them experiences with it now as small gifts eg fun course or a short holiday than save it to give them much later as cash.
3 Give the money (if any left) as you see fit
4 However assume you are looking more for what will be seen as fair and think this will depend on the age of the children. If both of them young and you have brought up the stepson then you could treat him as if he is your own and split evenly. If he was 'older' and/or has a father who may leave him something then give him a smaller share of 'your' share. If he is grown up then suggest follow your 50/50 split.

Never easy.

aquarius02

This is not a moral dilemma; it's a matter of personal choice.

John_Gray

There's a fair chance that one or other of you could end up in a care home costing £goodgrief! per week.

If this results in there being no money left to inherit, the original question is moot...

cyantist

It's presumptuous to assume the son will inherit from his father. The father may end up in a care home or may spend most of his money while he is alive and the stepson might be left with little inheritance overall while the daughter gets lots

hvd201

I think it depends on when the stepson entered your life, as if he was a child and you've brought him up as your own there is a stronger bond than if he entered your life when he was a teenager. The former scenario you will be more like a father figure than in the latter and there will be more emotions tied up in the whole thing.

Personally I would have an open and frank discussion with the whole family, explaining your thoughts, concerns, logic, opinion etc. as talking about it now will make things out in the open and there will be no nasty surprises upon your death when emotions will be running extremely high.

Having been in a family where all the money was left to one of four children, and that came as a total surprise, the shock and heartache the other three felt was extreme. If he had explained his thinking (the youngest was the only one who didn't own a property) I suspect things wouldn't have been half as horrific as they were.

So, my advice is to talk about it with the family. People may pleasantly surprise you and it will make it much easier when the time comes.

We Brits don't like talking about death and money but this is a conversation I think all families should have to prepare them for such an emotional time.

hvd201

Oh and we should also have a discussion about what we want to happen when we die; cremation or burial? Wooden or wicker casket? Flowers or donations? Closed or open casket? Quiet wake or party? Where to spread ashes?

Death is inevitable and knowing these things makes it so much easier for those left behind and it avoids arguments at a time of extreme stress.

hvd201

Oh, and last thing, WRITE A WILL!

The number of people who don't have one is surprising, especially those who have children etc.

A letter of wishes is NOT legally binding and does not have to be carried out, but a will is a legal document and your executor will make sure your wishes are carried out. You can update wills with a codicil but don't just rely on a letter, it can end in heartbreak and ill feeling between people.

gaving7095

Your suggestion sounds fair to me.