overthinking or pregnancy hormones?!

newcook

My friend and I have known each other for over 20 years (both 35), until earlier this year we lived together for 5 years so pretty close but she has an extremely dominant personality and most conversations revolve/go back to being about her whereas I'm more laid-back and go along with the flow and hate confrontation.

Me and my boyfriend who I now live with are expecting a baby and very happy and excited. when I told my friend (when I was 12 weeks pregnant) she was happy for us and asked if she could be godmother even though its miles in the future (I didnt ask her she asked me!)
since then she hasnt once asked asked about the baby or how I'm feeling or asked if Im doing ok with the hormone swing etc (Im now currently 20 weeks) - whenever I talk to her its always about her and her job or (more recently) her boyfriend who she has recently split up with after only being together for 2 months.

I get that she is very upset about having her heart broken and I understand its hard to go to places that he might be at (we all have a lot of friends in common so them bumping into each other at some point is inevitable) but am I being unreasonable in wanting her to show a bit of interest in the baby or am I just being over-emotional with pregnancy hormones?!

I am seriously debating whether I want her as a god-parent when we get around to organising it (got lots more stuff to sort out beforehand lol!). Im still not too sure why she asked as she's not a big fan of kids but as I said before, I hate confrontation.

I've often wondered if she's a narcissist but again, I dont know if I'm just being hormonal or if after living apart I'm finally starting to see just how selfish she is.

AylesburyDuck

I dont think your overthinking or hormonal.
She sounds hideous and i definately wouldnt want her as a godmother to my child.
:eek:

psychopathbabble

Hi newcook and congratulations We were discussing this with friends the other day, they had a friend who asked if he was going to be their sons godfather so they replied and said you need to spend more time with him and show more interest then! I think if you aren't sure then I wouldn't be asking her. You have lots of time to think about it (I am already worrying too though as I know we will have problems when we do decide, from both family and friends!) She could at least ask you how you are and how the baby is every now and then.

LKRDN_Morgan

Are you upset with her just not asking about the baby full stop? Or is it that she wants to be godmother but has shown no interest?

It's its the former I wouldn't get too upset. Not everyone is into pregnancy talk or babies. Being pregnant doesn't mean your usual topics of conversation has to stop (not saying this is happening with you at all but it's irritating when mums to be suddenly can't have a conversation that doesn't revolve around sickness or bladder control!)

Having said that she definitely doesn't sound godmother material and I would have an honest conversation with her
'look we both know you kids are not your thing etc etc'

tea_lover

Does she have any idea what the godmother role is actually about? Is she honestly prepared to make those promises and play a key role in your child's spiritual upbringing?

newcook

LKRDN_Morgan wrote: »

Are you upset with her just not asking about the baby full stop? Or is it that she wants to be godmother but has shown no interest?

to be honest its a bit of both - the other week me and OH went to our local social club as we'd not seen anyone for ages and as soon as she arrived she went straight on about her ex even though we were all in conversation about my friend who's moving house!
I think she's asked to be godmother as recently her brother became a godfather to his best friends baby and she said she felt a bit put out as being older than him they should have asked her!
she's usually used to getting her own way with things and admits she's spoilt.

I'm a lot like the rest of our friends who will always ask others about how things are going in their lives and ask their kids how they are getting on at school etc whereas she'll either ask and not listen to what people say or not ask at all and then wonder why she doesn't know whats going on in our friends lives.

OH has often asked why I'm still friends with her when she doesn't think of anyone else and I think its out of habit and also not wanting to cause a row of sorts.

newcook

thanks for all the replies - I'm glad to know its not my hormones that are making me overthink things!

I think if/when she brings up being godmother again I'm going to have to bite the bullet and tell her the truth and if I upset her and she falls out with me then we're better off without her in our lives.

paddy's_mum

I think you're getting upset by the wrong thing. It's her request/command to be godmother that you should be objecting to!

You are invited to be a godparent. It is an honour that is bestowed upon you in recognition of your sterling personal strengths and abilities not because you are one half of a longstanding friendship.

Her command is in the same league as those bridezillas who say they'd like £50 cash from each person who accepts the invitation to their forthcoming wedding in order to finance the exotic honeymoon.

Asking someone to be a godparent is a gift which is in your hands and I find it rude in the extreme that your friend is behaving like a greedy, ill-mannered child - virtually "Gimme..."!

AylesburyDuck

paddy's_mum wrote: »

I think you're getting upset by the wrong thing. It's her request/command to be godmother that you should be objecting to!

You are invited to be a godparent. It is an honour that is bestowed upon you in recognition of your sterling personal strengths and abilities not because you are one half of a longstanding friendship.

Her command is in the same league as those bridezillas who say they'd like £50 cash from each person who accepts the invitation to their forthcoming wedding in order to finance the exotic honeymoon.

Asking someone to be a godparent is a gift which is in your hands and I find it rude in the extreme that your friend is behaving like a greedy, ill-mannered child - virtually "Gimme..."!

People (wether pregnant or not) cant control what upsets them, and everyone is different.:shocked:

suejb2

No it's not you it's your friend. You don't ask to be a God parent bridesmaid or best man in my opinion , you are asked because they want you so much to fulfil a role special to them .
Babies are usually christened a few months old so she has time to redeem herself in the way she is around the baby.

FBaby

It sounds like she is just a very self-absorbed sort of person. If she doesn't like kids and not have much experience of pregnancy (clearly not herself), then it is no surprise she wouldn't be much concern with yours especially if you are not showing much yet.

Also, pregnancy is a massive major event for the person who is going through it, so I think it has a tendency to make you expect people to be more interested than they would be in regards to news about work, home, partners etc... and makes you notice more those people who tend to be more concerned about talking about themselves than others.

Personally, I can't cope with self-absorbed people and you might find when your baby is born that you prefer the company of other mums especially as time will be much more limited.

The Godmother statement might have been nothing more than her being polite, so would leave it and you can decide as time come close, but frankly, if you are not 100% sure, I wouldn't consider it.