Father asking for money for a favour done

maman

Personally I'd have thought he could have given up his free time at weekends to help out his family for nothing. It does seem a bit odd to offer to pay something and not do it but I suppose as the job is ongoing that might be the reason.


My DD was in a similar situation with her FIL who's a painter and decorator. They felt obliged to pay because he's always short of money but he still wanted to do it at weekends. He expected them to understand that if they let him work at weekends he could still take on other work (self employed) during the week. He was offering 'mates rates'. DD didn't want the house in a mess and the job stretching into weeks and weeks so they said 'Thanks but no thanks' and employed someone to do it when they wanted, efficiently and quickly.


I'd suggest you just pay up, mark it down to experience and never ask him to do any work for you again. You'll have learned from the experience and so will he!

FBaby

We never mentioned it to him, we just always had it our heads that we would give him something when we can

The timing seems a bit convenient... I can totally see how thing went wrong. I expect considering the amount of work involved (very different to be working for a month most evenings/week-ends, especially if he has another job), he did expect some form of payment but was too pride/embarrassed to ask directly of bring it up. He probably assumed that he had raised you properly so that you would not take for granted his labour and therefore yourself suggest you gave him something, hence taking away the awkwardness.

Then he waits and nothing comes forward, hence him gradually removing himself from your as disappointed with your behaviour and feeling taken for granted. I very much doubt after 18 months he still hoped you would give him anything and probably moved on, assuming by giving you the benefit of the doubt that you were struggling financially and couldn't have afforded to pay him...until he finds out of your intention to pay for something non essential.

I expect at this stage, anger of being used took over and as a way to express his anger, he drafted his invoice. I bet he didn't expect half that amount to start with.

Frankly, you need to go to your dad and apologise. You have taken him for granted and that's not nice. You should have raised the money much sooner and certainly handed it to him before you took it upon yourself to start looking at spending it another way. Hopefully you can then make up and learn from it, ie. don't ask family/friends to do any work on your house, it rarely ends well.

sheramber

Ryiah wrote: »

I see where the confusion has come from - I misphrased the above line, he doesn't actually know we intended giving him some money.
We never mentioned it to him, we just always had it our heads that we would give him something when we can - which we can now and we also have enough saved for installing the utility room - which is why we went to get quotes.

Maybe we'll try negotiating something we're both happy with - let's hope it works out!

But you said earlier

When he finished, he asked us if we were paying him or not, we said we hadn't intended to but we'll give something

AylesburyDuck

Your original post came across as you being the victim, more and more its now coming across as you being self entitled (hes already done you other free jobs) and greedy (utility room before payment).
I revise my previous post im afraid OP.
Pay your Dad, nobody likes a sponger.

Pollycat

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Your original post came across as you being the victim, more and more its now coming across as you being self entitled (hes already done you other free jobs) and greedy (utility room before payment).
I revise my previous post im afraid OP.
Pay your Dad, nobody likes a sponger.

Yes, it's a pretty good lesson in putting a spin on a situation.

LKRDN_Morgan

Pollycat wrote: »

Yes, it's a pretty good lesson in putting a spin on a situation.

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Your original post came across as you being the victim, more and more its now coming across as you being self entitled (hes already done you other free jobs) and greedy (utility room before payment).
I revise my previous post im afraid OP.
Pay your Dad, nobody likes a sponger.

Totally agree! Your subsequent posts really do paint a completely different picture and I'm with your dad on this one. Conveniently you've now got some money to pay him at the same time he finds out you're pricing up a utility room?
It's amazing how some people take advantage of 'mates rates' and favours

Kaye1

My Dad is a plumber. He was properly offended when I offered him money for some jobs he had done for us.

We hadn't asked, he had offered and we accepted. He was mortified at the though of taking money from us- and yes, he is self employed.

Marvel1

I give my Mum £10 2 weeks ago for use of her oven - about 2 hours use, she didn't want to take it, but I insisted and left it with her.

Prothet_of_Doom

Maybe he thought you'd help out more. A bloke I work with just spent 5 weekends plastering and then decorating his daughter's house, whilst her husband went off fishing (or something), and his daughter took their kids around to granny so that she could go shopping. I suggested he give them a bill of £3K when it was finished, but he would rather hate his son in law, and resent his daughter for ever. (he's not a decorator, but is a perfectionist)

My dad once helped me decorate one room in my first house. And then said "You know how to do it know, so you won't need to ask again"
Later I offered to wash and polish his company car, before he handed it back, and only polished half of it, saying "I've shown you the standard to work to, but I've run out of polish, so you'll have to finish it yourself" It did look hilarious to be honest, but he didn't see it as funny. (mind you in 3 years he had never polished it and probably it only got washed when you couldn't see out of the side windows)

Ryiah

Woah hold on a minute you seem to be reading quotes that are incorrect due to my error. Let me repeat, I misphrased! he had no idea we planned to give him money!

He asked us for money the first time, we said we hadn't intended on paying as he never mentioned it when he started, but my husband and I said to each other that we would give him something as it did take a long time..we had it in our heads when he was doing the work (and before he asked for payment) that we'd give him something.

I can't answer why we didn't hand it over as soon as we got the money together. We just wanted the house finished!

We know and appreciate that my dad has done a lot of work which he wants payment for. We have decided we will negotiate something but not the full whack. As people said previously - you wouldnt pay a tradesmen the full whack for unfinished, unsatisfactory work!
We can and would've decorated ourselves if we known he'd be charging us!

In my eyes this is a similar scenario (except payment is agreed beforehand!) - you get an extension built, the joiner hasn't finished the work - he's stopped coming then turns up months later demanding money even though the job isn't finished and work done is substandard. You always intended to pay him while he was working, but now he's demanding money for unfinished work would you actually pay him what he's asking?

Obviously the money would be kept aside for him just incase he comes back to finish, but im sure you'd carry on with the other jobs that need doing in the house and not put everything on hold?

I may have missed the point you are all trying to make, i'm doing a rubbish job trying to explain where we are coming from, but in the end we have to pay for unsatisfactory, unfinished work. We do just have to suck it up and pay more than we intended. Yes, its definitely a lesson learned and we we will do all painting work ourselves in the future and never get favours done again!