Please help - in debt and ashamed

auntie_brenda

Hi debtman
and welcome.

No, you're not an idiot, because if you are then we all are and that can't be right, can it . What would be idiotic would be to keep hiding.

If you really can't face doing a SOA all at one take it slowly. Start by listing all the companies you owe money to and leave it at that. Next estimate what you owe them, then find out the exact figures. then post on here & we'll all help.

It could be worse, honest! Good luck.

pukkamum

HI Dm
I just wanted to say on the petrol to work thing is there any way you could car share or indeed do as my husband has recently done and got himself a second hand scooter which has cut his petrol bill from £30 weekly to £7 not to mention the reduced car tax mot and insurance. Tell you wife exactly how bad it is as she will eventually find out and then she will be upset that you have kept it from her. I think that way you can work together to clear the debt. Start working with cash only that way you can never be tempted to spend what you don't have. Also as for the going out, why not make staying in the new going out get your friends to bring a bottle and a bit of food and bobs your uncle a fab night in.
love Lucy

Jacks_xxx

Hello again my lovely! :hello:

debtman2007 wrote: »

see the thing is i only want to clear my own personal debt. Everything we pay jointly, electrics/gas/car/mortgage/loan(secured on house) is fine and always paid in full on time. I dont want any of that to change. Just these bl**dy credit cards.

The thing is sweetie, the money to pay off your debt has to come from somewhere, and by giving us a full financial picture we can help you find places to cut back, get a better deal, a cheaper provider, restructure the payments etc so that you have more money to throw at the debt.

debtman2007 wrote: »

another concern is my job. i love it and love the people but its 100 mile trip a day which over the week is a lot of fuel. all fuel is paid by credit card as i have no disposable income left after i have paid my CC bills. BUT if i work closer to home i have to take a substantial drop in wages. Catch 22 i guess.

My Hubby is in the same position:We live in Hampshire and he works in Hertfordshire! We keep throwing this one back and forth as it's a tricky one. I think we won't be able to make a decision until there's an actual concrete alternative local job on the table. We did sell hubby's shiny new-ish car and buy a distictly un-shiny 1996 diesel model though.

debtman2007 wrote: »

Sorry for all the questions but here is another.

Is it possible to work through debt and still have a life. I dont mean going out and drinking every night but i enjoy going to football and we occasionally go out for meals/parties etc. Never any holidays and such things though.

'Course it is honey! many of us are going to be paying off debts for years, and life doesn't just stop whilst we do that. You have to have fun sometimes or else you'd want to stick your head in the oven! :eek:

Once we got our head around the idea that the money we had coming in every month was finite amount and once it was gone it was gone we started to make trade offs. If we've got a few social things we want to go to then we work out how much money we're going to need and we find out out of the budget somewhere.- maybe we eat a lot of baked beans for a month, maybe we give up something else, or we sell some things on eBay to make up the cash.

We tend to pass on the £60 a head restaurant evenings and gladly accept the BBQ and party invitations instead. I have the girlies round, he has a couple in the pub after footie, and we cook together over a bottle of wine instead of going out for romantic meals. I go dancing on Student night when it's free to get in and £1 a drink, and he goes for a power walk at lunch time to keep him out of the pub!

We've also both had to learn that it is not always our round!

We had a few months of absolutely no frills, but for the long haul it's better to include the things that it would break your heart to give up - so long as you accept that it will cost you more and take you longer to pay your debts than it would if you used that money for debt repayment instead.

I kept my expensive hair appointments which I save shrapnel in a jar for, I go much less often, and I've dropped waxing, facials, manicures pedicures and buying beauty products altogether (Luckily I have quite a stash to use up!)

Hubby's priority was fitness, but he dropped the gym membership in favour of working out at home, power walking, and five a side.

We even sat the kids down and explained the situation - and found that they were ok about having less of some things so long as they could keep something they really cared about.

So...what's going to go to pay for footie then???

Love Jacks xxx

debtman2007

Just a quick update.

I spoke to my girlfriend at the weekend about the debt I’m in, she was very understanding. I told her I will be able to sort things out, not sure if I can but I don’t want her worrying as well.

I have two options I guess. I could take out a secured loan or lump it into our mortgage to play off my CC debts. Or of course I can go for a DMP.

I have a real problem with spending credit though. Yesterday I received a credit increase from Mint and I’m seriously considering using it up to keep the others cards paid. I also have some limit left on my Egg card. I mean I'm in this situation and I m still thinking that way, how crazy is that??!!

I have also set up a new bank account with HSBC as Lloyds credit cards have started to take money directly from my bank. But what happens if I have my wages paid into HSBC and Lloyd’s credit still continue to take money from my Lloyds account?? I will end up with overdrawn charges as well surely.

Our joint account is with Lloyds and I’m worried they could take money from that. That is where all our bills/mortgage are paid from.

Also what is all this £1 a month I keep reading about?? I have been making small token payments of £10-20. What effect does that have exactly? Is it better than paying nothing at all even though it not the amount they want. I think Barclaycard is the only one I haven’t paid anything into.

Oh and Jacks, my football season ticket is already paid for (on CC obviously L) but I have stopped going to away games, so it costs nothing. I don’t eat or drink at the match anyway because its rank, nothing to do with me being skint

Sorry for the disjointed essay but it makes me feel a bit better.

debtman2007

pukkamum wrote: »

HI Dm
I just wanted to say on the petrol to work thing is there any way you could car share or indeed do as my husband has recently done and got himself a second hand scooter which has cut his petrol bill from £30 weekly to £7 not to mention the reduced car tax mot and insurance. Tell you wife exactly how bad it is as she will eventually find out and then she will be upset that you have kept it from her. I think that way you can work together to clear the debt. Start working with cash only that way you can never be tempted to spend what you don't have. Also as for the going out, why not make staying in the new going out get your friends to bring a bottle and a bit of food and bobs your uncle a fab night in.
love Lucy

Yes. I already car share which saves money but petrol is still a big cost to me. i would love to work closer to home but im looking at £5-6k drop.

trying-very-trying

"I have two options I guess. I could take out a secured loan or lump it into our mortgage to play off my CC debts. Or of course I can go for a DMP."

Just reading through this, and I noticed the above statement. The one thing I would say is that no one on here will ever advise you to take a secured loan to cover unsecured debt.

"I have a real problem with spending credit though. Yesterday I received a credit increase from Mint and I’m seriously considering using it up to keep the others cards paid. I also have some limit left on my Egg card. I mean I'm in this situation and I m still thinking that way, how crazy is that??!!"

I hope you only feel like this because you are still able to get debt, and they are tempting you by increasing your limit. I have felt exactly the same in the past before my lbm. Since starting the dmp, the option to spend money I don't have is just not there!!
It's not easy, but it's a choice I had to make.

debtman2007

trying-very-trying wrote: »

"I have two options I guess. I could take out a secured loan or lump it into our mortgage to play off my CC debts. Or of course I can go for a DMP."

Just reading through this, and I noticed the above statement. The one thing I would say is that no one on here will ever advise you to take a secured loan to cover unsecured debt.

Understood but I'm confused about secured and unsecured though.

If i get a secured loan and cant pay it back the house is reposessed, yes?? If i have unsecured debts that i cant pay back, what happens??

Jacks_xxx

:wave: Hey sweetie,

I'm glad that the season ticket is all taken care of - for this season at least!

Now, I'm going to get my bossy head on and give you a little smack on the back of the head.

(It's affectionate I promise! )

The feeling that I'm getting is that you want to jump on a solution fast so that you can stop having to think about all this - cos it's horrible, and it makes you feel bad.

But my sweet, horrible though it all is, you need to get it all out into the open and get all the facts and figures and interest rates together so that you can see what's what.

How can you solve a problem that you refuse to look at properly???

And coming clean completely with your OH and asking if it would be Ok if you two could work together on this one wouldn't hurt either.

Now I know nothing about your joint finances so I can't predict what kind of DMP you'd end up with - so maybe you'd better talk to CCCS and find out?!

But I do know that a re-mortgage or secured loan doesn't solve the problem - it just stretches it out for a really lo-o-o-o-o-ong time and costs you loads more money than if you just paid off the original debt.

Plus it takes the pressure off and lets you believe that the crisis has passed, which leaves you vulnerable to accrueing a whole load of new debt.

Neither a DMP or a secured loan / remortgage is an easy option.

You need to take control honeybun.

Start by organising a bank account that has nothing to do with the companies your CC debts are with.

The punch in all the debt info into http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

Check your credit rating and apply for a 0% card to balance transfer some of the debt onto.

And/or

Go and see the CAB and ask them to help you negotiate a interest freeze on your CCs.

Post a SOA on here and ask for help rebudgetting.

It's do-able if you do it sweetie.

(Apologies for the rampant bossiness. )

Love Jacks xxx

Jacks_xxx

debtman2007 wrote: »

Understood but I'm confused about secured and unsecured though.

If i get a secured loan and cant pay it back the house is reposessed, yes?? If i have unsecured debts that i cant pay back, what happens??

You organise a DMP, IVA or go bankrupt hon.

xxx

(Land_of)_Maz

That Jacks is so bossy! But she is very very good!!!

Debtman, you need to let us see all the household incomings and outgoings... this way we can tell you what you can make savings on and then you will be able to see how you can have enough extra cash to throw something at the debt.

You and your GF need to work thru this together, i know you feel it is your debt and your problem but if you could manage to re-jig the household accounts you could soon be on your way out of this. I know you feel the household is ticking over okay but the fact is you could be overpaying way too much in some areas and you might just have that extra money you need to start working the debt down.

Also once you have a SOA prepared you can use this as proof of hardship to contact the CC Companies and ask for frozen interest payments so any monies you do pay in goes straight to the balance... check you aren't owed any charges back from them too, this would bring the balance down also.

Do not get into more debt! Seriously.... don't even think about it! If you want help then you are in the right place there are oooooodles of people here who will be able to give great advice.