Project Mortgage Neutral Begins

ajmoney

Phone upgrade time here. I have got the phone I wanted for £4 extra a month, no upfront cost and an extra 3GB of data a month, I have haggled £3 off the advertised cost. It may not be a massive win compared to what some manage on here but I am happy with it.

In a month or two I need to take stock of what is going on moneywise and check I am moving in the right direction for my own life plans. There are some pretty big decisions on the horizon for me which I have been burying my head in the sand with and putting off. Once I move forward with these I can hopefully move forward with everything else.

ajmoney

Trying to be ruthless while sorting out my clothes. I don't wear all this stuff so why is it so difficult?

ajmoney

Been awake for ages so doing some research into new cars. I have been promising myself a change for my milestone birthday in February and have been torn between something fun with a price tag to match or a practical replacement. My sister's MOT is due in December and car likely to fail so I am wondering about not part exing my car and giving it to her as there is no way she can afford to sort it out or buy a new one. Never likely to repaid, paid off her @migo loan earlier this year and she is not in a position to pay it back. Am I crazy for thinking of doing this?

A_Frayed_Knot

Sometimes we just have to splurge out, and treat ourselves.

As for helping your sister, we do it because we are nice, I have the same with my DB, and help out when in need, and that has been a lot in the past. One thing to be grateful for is that having paid his mortgage for 2 years (I did get quite a lot of that back eventually) it made me realise I could afford a mortgage after all.


Need to rush off to work, back later.

ajmoney

ajmoney wrote: »

I am just leaving this here as a reminder for me

"fix the problem instead of managing the symptoms"

currently suffering a little from anxiety or panic, not sure which, if I'm honest I probably have been for quite a while (at least a year) and used to use exercise to help control it and escape from it. Maybe I need to look at this a different way hence the quote above!

Another reminder to myself as things start coming to a head. It has taken me so long to truly deal with things that the lines are becoming blurred between the problem and the symptoms. It is so easy to continue down an unhappy path when it is the easy option.

ajmoney

So, here it goes...

After 7 years of marriage and 14 years together Mr AJM and I are separating. For nearly a year I have had a feeling this might be where we ended up and hoped that living at home again would be enough but it was not to be. This is made worse by the fact it is all from my side (I feel like the ogre) but my health both mental and physical has been suffering from being in limbo and not making any decisions. Things are amicable and we have been quite practical so far discussing what we need to do in the house to sell it, luckily not too much. I have somewhere I can stay although it is not very nice, he has seen the pics and is distraught as me at me having to stay there. I am still in the house at the moment although I think it blurs the lines too much so it may be the case that I live away through the week and come here at the weekends. I am trying to remember it won't be forever and once the house has been sold I can look for something else.

Unsure how things are going to be from a money point of view. We have no idea how long it might take for the house to sell but aim to get it on the market before Christmas. We need to discuss later whether we continue to OP until it sells or individually start putting the money aside. Mortgage interest is 1.68% (the one we OP on) and 2.68% and we certainly don't get that back in our savings accounts.

This is still very fresh and while I worry that a bit of distance may make me see things in a clearer light the distance is what has made us drift apart and make me think differently so I know in the long term it is for the best. Some of my close friends know this was on the cards but we haven't told anyone it has happened yet. I am not looking forward to that.

Mortgage_Minimiser

Thinking of you at this painful and stressful time.

Remember to be kind to yourself and look after you as the priority. Other people can loo after their own feelings.

Virtual hug from me.
xx

A_Frayed_Knot

Sorry to hear your news, but takes a lot of courage to finally face up to to what you feel is the right thing to do for your own health and sanity.

It's good your friends kind of knew and that they are there to help and support you. A difficult time but people change and move on, you have lots going on, so take time for yourself, and as MM says - look after yourself.

:grouphug: Dodgy hug from me Xx

ajmoney

I have been reading up on divorce in Scotland today. As things go we have an easy situation so are happy to sort the finances ourselves and then use the simplified divorce procedure in a year. I have been trying to find if there is anything official we need to do for a separation date but it appears not. I know there is the ability to separate and continue living in the same house, while I don't intend this to be the case the whole time I have been trying to find exactly what the stipulations are, I haven't yet found a definitive but I am sure I will.

We stayed in the same room last night however today I have sorted out a bed in one of the spare rooms and as much as I love my own bed I will sleep in there when I am here. For now I am leaving my stuff in "our" room as there is more storage. Mr AJM is working most evenings this week so I am staying here, after next weekend I will see how things are and if need be (probably) start staying at work. If I don't it is like things have never changed and will only become tougher as things go on. I wish I had thought a little bit more about all this before last week's counselling session as I would like to have asked advice on some of the practical things, back there on Friday so will write them down as I think of them.

Thanks for the comments earlier. I haven't told anyone in real life yet, it is certainly not something I intend to broadcast but immediate family is going to need to know with the festive season around the corner.

Moneyfordreams

sending you best wishes, sometimes making a decision is the hardest part