Bereft and Broken

Smolly

Hi JustAbout, EM and Thistle! Lovely to hear from you all again xx

JustAbout - if my idea helps you then please go for it! I think I have borrowed bits of the idea from a couple of other sources anyway. For me, pschologically I think it will work. I can no longer see the huge list of things which need doing - they're all tucked away in the same place out of sight. I think I should try and squeeze the OH in there too along with the other annoying bits and pieces! :rotfl:

It's going to be my October jar and at the end of the month I'll start again - that way nothing will get missed. I think I have about 27 yellow 'to do' mini lists in there - just one thing for each piece of paper - things such as writing to one single creditor to update them, writing to my pension provider, clearing the kitchen table. Nothing too taxing and I plan only to spend one hour doing each one if I can. I've also put 12 pieces of white paper in there so they're easily identifiable - cheap easy things to get me out of a bad mindset if I'm struggling. Stuff such as walks, DVDs, craft, music, meditation. There's even one with a big ? on it as I ran out of ideas - I get to do whatever I want to do when I pick that one! Ooh I could go crazy....:eek:

I doubt I'll have time to pluck one out today - my 'urgent' list is quite long. I have 4 eBay parcels to post which need to be posted today at the latest and two reviews for Am@zon to do which are running late. Still it's only 6 things - one at a time...

EM - when the counsellor asked me what I wanted to achieve from my sessions I told her the ability to just stand up for myself and not feel bad about saying no. And obviously the fact about dealing with anxiety attacks. I love that quote - 'Hell is other people'. I've mentioned before that my depression largely stems from the way other people behave and my inability (at the moment anyway!) to deal with them and how they make me feel. The counsellor did mention CBT - all I have at the moment to do is read some photocopies about depression and anxiety.

Thistle - Mum and OH and tact??? Mum is a little better than OH but she has that 'look' when things go amiss. It's easily recognisable - a pursing of the lips, the lines start to deepen, the eyes grow smaller and she tenses. Scares me at the best of times!:eek:

Now about the shampoo - what an absolutely odd thing to do. I could perhaps understand maybe a single bottle of bubble bath or body lotion (if it was a nice one), but shampoo??? My worst present was a half eaten bar of chocolate from some friends. A colleague of mine (the one we tend not to get on with) bought someone a gift recently - actually she didn't buy it. She won it, and then because she didn't like it decided to give it to another staff member who was leaving. I managed a peak inside before she handed it over. It was a gift basket - looked nice on first glance but in there was a bottle of very cheap bubbly and a deodorant! What an odd combination. I will be intrigued to find out what you get for Christmas. It might be the conditioner to go with the shampoo!

Anyway I need to move myself and get my list done. Hope everyone has a nice day xx

Thistle-down

To be fair I have really long hair and do put a bit of effort into keeping it clean and shiny! BUT - .99p lower end shampoo split between 4 people? My first thought was that the gift bag probably cost more than the shampoo, but it turned out that it had already been used and they hadn't even bothered to cut off the old tag. I have no problem with reusing things but really they could have made a slight effort to get rid of the evidence... :rotfl:

It doesn't sound like I'm grateful but really I was happy to have something I will actually use. I tend to get a lot of bubble bath sets from them even though they know we don't have a bath. I end up decanting it into the hand soap dispenser, and it works fine.

I like the idea of putting things in the jar, I might pinch it myself.

Smolly

I'm quite up for re-distributing gifts and re-using gift wrapping Thistle but I would always remember to remove a used gift tag! I'm sure they meant well anyway and I'm sure you were grateful but it did make me chuckle when I read it.

xx

Thistle-down

Lord knows what they were thinking, Mr Thistle thinks it was meant to be an insult or snub but I wasn't insulted, and haven't done anything to warrant snubbing other than marry their precious baby boy 23 years ago. I do know they didn't think I was good enough for him. My family on the other hand, felt I'd "married down", though they never insulted or snubbed us with cheap but practical gifts in obviously re-used packaging. To be fair we are pretty hard to insult and take very few things seriously. We may have completely missed the social significance of the shampoo! :rotfl:

The real gift is that we will continue to laugh about it for years to come.

EssexHebridean

Definitely agree about re-using gift bags - but checking the old tags have been removed is a given, surely?! Within our close family it's a bit of a standing joke, we have some that have been doing the rounds for literally years and some of those have old sticky labels, writing etc on, but they absolutely only ever go between those of us who are "in on the joke!"

The issue with your counseller looking at her watch - no, that's just plain rude. As I see it your options are - if there is some form of escalation there, to request to see someone different, or alternatively if you otherwise feel comfortable with her, perhaps when she does it in your next session, to politely say in a surprised tone "Sorry - am I going over time? It doesn't feel like I've been in here more than *insert relevant timescale* yet?" - it may well be that she's developed it as a habit and doesn't even realise she's doing it. I can appreciate she needs to time-check but she should have a clock somewhere discreet for that purpose, surely?

Try not to worry about the forgetfulness - that in itself can cause anxiety. Writing things down is a brilliant way of dealing with it though - I use a sort of "bullet Journal" idea - my issue is writing great long lists of stuff to do and then getting overwhelmed by them...the journal limits what I can write as there's only so much space on the designated page!

Smolly

Hi Thistle and Essex!!

My Dad used to give my Mum the same Christmas card every year Essex - he would just write a new message with the date every year. It was one of those glossy ones which are folded in half then half again (a cheaper version of an insert), it didn't stand up properly and it had one of those glorious candle pictures on. That was a family joke but we all loved it and would have felt it was wrong for my Dad to have bought a more up to date one. He was running out of space however. It had been going for over 40 years!

I'm going to see how my next session goes with the Counsellor - I already have the feeling that she isn't going to help me very much. I have seen her once before and she told me she thought she couldn't help me then (I went about money worries but obviously had a lot of other stuff on my plate as I had just lost my Dad). She therefore signed me off there and then. This time she was already talking about how I only had 6 weeks or less with her and that I might be better with another provider. I know that there is a gentleman who works there too so if my visit next week isn't productive I will ask if I can see him instead.

That's a good idea about the journal - at least it does limit you to what you can write!

Anyway today I plucked my first to-do list from my October jar. It was write to one creditor, update them and send them a copy of my medical form kindly prepared for free by the Doc. Halif@x were the lucky ones. Even though the bloomin' printer was playing up I persevered and got the whole letter done. The template is now there for the other creditors, plus I photocopied 6 copies of my medical form all ready and stuck the letter in an envelope. I haven't posted it yet as I couldn't remember where the stamps are but I haven't forgotten where the post office is so I'll go there tomorrow. I felt quite pleased with myself after that.:o

I may have to up my game with my 3Bay sales however. I have seriously been procrastinating over getting stuff on there but I tried the new listing form tonight and as a seasoned 3Bayer I can definitely see a lot of improvements. It was also a lot quicker and a lot less fiddly. Well done 3Bay! Anyway I managed to list a couple of bits but am going to really try tomorrow.

I have done a quick budget for the rest of the month ahead and I am at first glance short....very short. Now I can't use a credit card but I can try and sell a few bits.

I worked out I need roughly a further £350. That is a guesstimate - it includes some repairs to my car. They may come in a lot less or a lot more but the £350 includes some room for manoeuvre. It covers groceries, car repairs, a little party for DS, a couple more birthday presents for him and a meal out I have kind of committed myself to. Obviously the groceries are a must but I can scrimp and cut corners; the party may not come to how much I'm thinking and it's a very low key affair anyway; the presents I don't really want to scrimp on but I would cancel the meal if need be.

So I had a look at what I might be able to get together - I have some payments due to me from Mystery Shopping companies which come to about £95 and should be paid throughout October. I have £100 in my EF, and I have about £40 which I could cash out to Paypal over a couple of survey sites. That's £235 so I'm £115 short. I think I can manage that before the end of October, and I might get lucky with the car.

Anyway all this maths is hurting my brain! Hope everyone is ok xx

Thistle-down

Great job overcoming obstacles and getting the letter done!

The counsellor doesn't sound like she'd fill me with confidence, is she more interested in getting boxes ticked than actually helping you?

Will your husband help out with the money for the car or is it all down to you?

I give my husband the same Valentine's card every year. It took him a few years to realise it was the same one, and even after about 15 years he forgets until he opens it. He said he'd be disappointed if he got a different one now.

I looked at the new ebay listing on my laptop rather than the ipad mini and it does seem much more straightforward, I think I will use it today and see how I get on. The main problem I have is postage charges - I don't want to wrap up the item until it sells but then I always seem to underestimate how much it will cost to send it. The amount of times it has been over 2kg when I was sure it would be under...:( I suppose wrapping it up first would be the solution but people always ask questions or want more photos.... what do you do?

EssexHebridean

I LOVE that thing with the cards - such a great tradition!

well done on dealing with your first thing out of the jar too - that's a great start! It sounds like that is really going to work for you.

I'm absolutely not joining in the conversation about eBay sales as I flipping well hate the entire process. I have stuff at home that has been waiting for listing for years - annoying too as I know it will sell, I'm just an idle moo. :rotfl: Ironically enough in my case it's the process of taking the photos I hate.

For small boosts to income surveys can be great - if you want to start small and simple (albeit slower to pay out) take a look at OnePoll. There are lots of others people can recommend though.

Smolly

Hi Thistle

Yup I think the counsellor is just about ticking boxes. I'll see what she comes up with next week...

Now regarding eBay. Most of what I sell are clothes (when I can be bothered) so don't usually have the problem of them being heavier than 2kg. On occasions when I've sold something heavier, I weigh the item first and then add an amount on (a guesstimate) for packaging. If it's something breakable I'll add maybe an extra 1kg on just to be sure. For heavier and larger items anyway I use a courier (MyH3rm35) and know what bands their parcel weights fall into it. If it's close to a particular weight band I'll go for the next one. I then take that price and add something like £1 to it to cover my packaging costs. If I think I've over-estimated packaging I'll put a note into my listing saying that if I have gone over with the packaging costs I will do a partial refund (always remembering to keep a portion for myself though to cover the packing costs and 3Bay's fees for posting!!)

To be honest I hate selling anything that I can't just pop into a mailing bag! I'm a tad lazy like that!:rotfl:

Hi Essex - the jar idea will work I hope. The only trouble is I keep thinking of new things I need to add! I may need a small bin soon!

3Bay definitely isn't for everyone. It's really gutting when you've spent ages listing an item and it sells for 99p! I think the taking of photos is the bit that I hate too. I have a semi-decent camera but my photos never look up to scratch...or a small dog or child gets in the way just at the crucial moment!

I think I may be registered with OnePoll - is that the one where the surveys are really short?? There's one which drives me mad as I can spend ages doing a survey for very little reward but I can't remember the name (why is that not a surprise!) but I don't think it's OnePoll. I'll have to have a look and see because I'm sure I'm registered. I think I've registered with most of the survey sites out there at some time or another!

I have a date to return to work and I'm going to do my best to work towards it. It's Monday 31 October, just after half term. I called in work yesterday to drop my sick notes off. They were begging me to come back (but in the nicest way!) The temps they have are a little hit and miss. Anyway my lovely pals bought me the most beautiful bunch of flowers - in fact it's so big I had to split it over two vases once I got home. I just burst into tears when they gave it me. Silly girl, but it did cheer me up bless them.

The OH has stuck something to the exhaust to try and stop it rattling until I take it to the garage on Monday. It also has a hole though so my initial estimate of costs may be well off. He is off too that day so he can get his wallet out if need be - I've told him it would make a lovely birthday present!!!

I have a little bit of food shopping to do today if I can and later I am supposed to be seeing Mum. She's excited to be using a 20% voucher I've obtained for one of her favourite craft shops so she'll probably treat me to tea in exchange.

Anyway I had best move. I've been on here all morning catching up it seems.

Take care all xx

Smolly

Oh by the way does anyone know if you can change the heading of your thread. Mine now is sounding quite negative and although I'm still having problems I'm wondering if I'm able to change it to something a little more positive - such as Bereft, Broken but Building Myself Up! Or something like that anyway! xx