Bereft and Broken

Thistle-down

I hope your son has had a lovely birthday!

Would your mum consider moving to be closer to either you or your brother? I'm assuming clearing out the room is for temporary visits.

Inspired by your success, I went in to a few charity shops today. Only the local one had any clothes at £1 or under, in fact in Cancer Research most things started at £3.99 or £5.99+, things that were in no way special, new, or anything suggesting warranting the prices they were charging. There were a few other people looking at price tags, shaking their heads and tutting. I know they want to raise money for the charity but if no one buys anything, it's not going to happen! The local shop did have a .50p and a £1 rail, but nothing on either one took my fancy as far as making a decent profit on ebay.

I'm glad your car repair wasn't too expensive, that must be a relief to have it sorted.

The table top sales will be starting soon in the village halls, I shall have to make an effort to get to some as the car boots are closing down for the winter.

EssexHebridean

The BHF shop near us was a complete joke last time I was in - they were selling paperback books for £2.50 each, and there was pretty much nothing clothes-wise below £5 an item. I've not been back in since as I can't see the point. We've got a hospice shop which is brilliant for books - they also supported my Aunt a lot when my Uncle was dying some years ago, so they tend to get all my donations, too. Sadly their clothes tend to be a bit too muddled and "jumble sale" for me and I can't be bothered going through them - MrEH has had a few pairs of decent trousers from there for £1 or £2 though.

That's a good idea clearing out that room for your Mum to be able to stay as well - I bet she'll be chuffed to bits that you've made her her "own" space too - and if she's not, well she should be!

Smolly

Hi Thistle and EH - nice to hear from you again!

Sorry I've been a bit quiet. Had one of my mood dips again for the past couple of days. Started very shortly after my last post. In fact I could feel it coming on that day but I just couldn't seem to do anything to stop it. I may as well have written yesterday off but the good news is I'm back (and I didn't forget to take my pills either this time!)

Thistle - Mum wouldn't move closer - in fact she just wouldn't want to leave the house she bought with Dad at all which I can understand although it's far far too big for her now. She doesn't need 4 bedrooms! I really hope at some point in the future we can afford an extension as I could have her here on a more frequent basis. She really needs a stair lift you see so even if she stayed in the spare bedroom temporarily it would be really difficult for her with our steep stairs.

I have found out anyway what's been troubling her. I won't go into it all here - not yet anyway, as I just don't want to bring myself down again. It was all this mess which has contributed to the last two days of feeling cr*p but fortunately my brother was able to shed some light on the problem. I am trying to sort it out and think of ways to improve the situation but where I don't actually come off worse in the long run.

Don't despair about the charity shop Thistle - by the sounds of it though on your thread you may have found a suitable one anyway so hope you get the chance to get back there. I just happen to live in one of those areas where charity shops are very prolific. Now I would love to visit a table top sale in an old village hall!!! I shall have to have a look and see if we have anything like that around us - I've never been to anything like that before other than when I was a brownie and that feels like it was in a different century!

The car repair needs another repair. I had originally taken it because the exhaust seemed to be banging around under my car and I didn't want to be driving down the road and see it in the rear view mirror! That has happened before! So back to the garage with it on Friday as the thump thump noise is still there. Hopefully they won't charge me.

EH I NEVER go in our BHF shop which is really really sad as I would love to be able to support any heart charity, especially as DS has a heart condition. They just charge really silly amounts I think and I just can't afford to shop there.

I have decided not to see Mum until the weekend now. I told her I couldn't go up Thursday which caused a rift, told her I may manage Wednesday but the damage was done but I just done have it in me at the moment. I'm still trying to pick myself up and I would really like to get a few bits on 3Bay tonight if I can. I still haven't done anything with the bits I bought the other day and those 6" stilettos are begging to leave the house!

Anyway, I am going to go and have some caffeine and a sticky bun, maybe watch a bit of catch up and then do a few more jobs before it's time to pick up DS. Ooh just remembered he has an after school club so that's an extra hour.....:D

Hope everyone is having a good day xx

EssexHebridean

Ahh Smolly the situation with your Mum does sound tough. Remember though - a favourite phrase to remind myself of in situations along these lines is "You can't control the way someone behaves towards you, but you can control the way you react to it" - sometimes there simply IS nothing you can do to help someone who is in a particular loop of behaviour, and you have to recognise where to let things go. I have a friend who is in a spectacular loop of destructive anxiety. She desperately needs to sort it as it will end up destroying her relationship if she doesn't - I've numerous times offered support, offered to point her in the direction of online resources that I KNOW (guess how!) work for severe anxiety, but she simply doesn't want to sort it, at the moment. I suspect to an extent she enjoys the drama around it - but texting your friends in a panic in the early hours of the morning can only go on for so long, I'm afraid... The last time the situation reared its head again I made practical supportive comments, but have offered no further input. I simply can't bear to be told yet AGAIN that I'm wrong and my suggestions won't help... :mad:

If you're having a bit of a dip yourself at the moment anyway all the more important that you look after yourself, too. You can only give so much, is the bottom line.

On the car - get the garage to check the heat-shield for the back box - that makes a bumping noise if it works loose. If it is that it may simply need to be removed but it's a job of seconds to do it and doesn't cause any problems. Might also be worth taking a look yourself and checking that there are no loose wheel-arch linings or anything like that - MrEH's C3 suffers from this regularly!

Sticky bun....Mmmmm!

Thistle-down

I am on my way out to walk the dog, but I just wanted to say that I completely agree with Essex about your mum and how much power she has over your state of mind. I have been in something similar for a good number of years, and it was only on my last trip home that I realised there is nothing I can really do to help my mother, aside from offering emotional support. I no longer feel guilty about her depression, though I am there to listen and have encouraged her time and time again to talk to the Dr about it.

Big hugs from me xxx

Smolly

EH you sound like a mechanic! Get yourself over here and have a look under the car will you and I'll provide you with a sticky bun. Thistle you come too and I'll drop you off at the charity shops, after you've had a sticky bun too of course and EH has fixed the car:rotfl:

Fortunately my mood dip is improving but I just feel so tired. I think in all honesty that I may start to feel better once I return to work. There is absolutely no time for maudlin when I'm there as it's just so crazy busy, but also very tiring so I will just have to take things at a steady pace when I go back (as if!).

Anyway, am trying to get a few bits done without writing a list to do them. I've updated my finances and had to borrow from the EF but there is still £122.45 left in there. I also have about £32 to go to my account which I haven't accounted for yet. With what's there now and the bit I've borrowed from the EF today I should manage to pay my DD's for the rest of the month and pay for DS's little party tonight. I still need petrol but I may have to ask OH to dip into his wallet if and when we need any more food bits. My freezer however is fit to burst. I never did do a meal plan as I went down hill, maybe I will find time to do that today. No correction - I have time, I lack motivation.

I had an interesting phone call yesterday asking if I wanted to take part in some focus group market research. I said yes but they said they would ring me back today if I've been successful. I somehow don't think I'll get in but if I do it's £90 for 3 hours talking on a telephone! Not all in one go fortunately! Will wait and see. Would be a nice boost before Christmas. Speaking on a phone is not my favourite hobby but I'll do it naked if they want for £90. :eek:

Anyway must go - am procrastinating as usual. Hope you are all ok xx

EssexHebridean

:rotfl::rotfl: Owned cars/been driving for 25 years - my early cars were all complete bangers (First one cost me £100 mainly because it had no functioning reverse gear. Parking was interesting, to say the least. ) As a result I've got a reasonable idea of the potential things that go wrong with cars - I've probably experienced most of them at some time or another! we now go the "banger" route for Mr EH's car too - not to *quite* the same extent but his last 2 have each cost in the region of £2k, have paid for themselves in savings on his work travel inside 18 months - the first one went on for about 4 years if I remember rightly and the second one is now over 2 years in our ownership I think. We'll be spending a bit more on his next one - he might have something no more than 5 years old but the C3 has to break first! :rotfl: My Clio was bought brand new in 2007 and I love it to bits so have no desire to change it - it was however that one that taught me about the heat shield...and yes I googled a LOT to be sure that the garage removing it totally was fine! :rotfl:

Meal plan - a thought. See what you have in, and write down in priority order what needs using - ie veg that will spoil, meat that's on the end of it's date etc. Then plan meals to use stuff up in that order. Before you shop, update your "use-up" list (which can even include jarred/dried stuff that has been kicking around in the fridge/cupboard longer than you like - you can then focus on using the stuff in the right order, plan accordingly, and only buy what you need. Works for me. Well mostly! Also cuts down on feelings of guilt due to overspending/waste.

Focus groups can be a great earner - my Dad does them occasionally to supplement his pension.

Good luck with "Getting Stuff Done!" :T

Thistle-down

just popping on to say hi and I'm glad your mood is lifting!

I'm really unwell so going back to bed. I hope you have a good day!

EssexHebridean

Thistle-down wrote: »

just popping on to say hi and I'm glad your mood is lifting!

I'm really unwell so going back to bed. I hope you have a good day!

Oh Thistle poor you - feel better soon! x

Smolly

Thank you Thistle - hope you're feeling better soon xx