what to tell my son re assessment?

suki1964

iammumtoone wrote: »

thanks again Suki, he is sensitive with smells and textures (especially food) I will mention this to the doctor.

If I let him get too sore then he complains as it hurts too much. This is something that will improve with time, I realise that, he just needs longer to get the hang of toileting. The amount of times I catch him standing over the toilet ready to go, he will forget what he is doing start to look at/think of something else and forget to point in the right direction so it goes everywhere I never say anything just clear it up, he doesn't do it on purpose.

I am the same with clothing most of his trousers are pull up so no buttons or fasteners, he wears tracksuit bottoms a lot. All velcro shoes etc. When we visited the doctor she asked if he could do up laces I said no so she questioned why I hadn't taught him (but a lot of his friends can't do laces either so he is not behind with that).

Gs can do laces, but it's too much bother for him so two seconds later they are trailing along the floor


Even have been taught double bows


Look kids are all different. Nowadays there is such a rush to get a diagnoses so we can accept their wee traits. We can't seems to accept them for how they are, we need to label them and stick them in slots so we don't feel the ' bad parent'

I wasn't diagnosed as having asoergers till my late 40's. I'm also way up there on the autism scale. I'm sure gs is as well p, plus he has hyper mobility and feels pain beyond what's "normal ' for a child his age. Not one of us, parents, grands, health officials are particularly worried,he is what he is and he's just grand

However saying that, he has a very strong network of family so the ' burden ' is a lot easier

As Topic review says, sort the clothes with him the night before. Let him choose, get it all set out, socks in shoes etc. The wet wipes are a great idea. We had to do that for dad when he started not being able to keep himself clean.

Grandson is going into P6 ( I think ) this year and work is moving to a PC. I'm hoping that like me, his ability to communicate will increase. I've never been able to communicate as well as I have been since PCs became available. I'm not stupid, it's just the struggle of getting letters down the right way and being able to spell the words is what stops me. With a keyboard I know what a letter looks like and it comes out how it's supposed to. In my head I know it's a d,yet for some stupid reason I will write a b.

Get the help you need. If a diagnosis is going to help you then go for it. It sounds like you don't have much support in your life. However you do have here, even on the families board,theres a lot of mums and dads who have walked your shoes. There will always be someone who can empathise

Xxx

iammumtoone

Suki. I understand what you are saying its a hard call especially as if there is anything it will be on the mild side, he is capable just slower than others. I don't want him 'labelled' as it won't make much of a difference to my life, its hard work, and yes I know all kids are hard work (I don't have much support) but it will still be the same amount of work with or without a 'label' I understand that.

What I am hoping for out of this is help for him especially at school, they will not do anything to help him and continue to 'punish' him for things that he forgets etc which is really effecting him. I understand that whatever the outcome he still needs to learn but feel if there is something, he should be given some leniency and whilst still 'punished' perhaps not to the same extent as the others who do not struggle so much. He says to me that there is no point in him trying to do well at school as whatever good points he is given for it will only be taken away again.

I also want help on how to teach him to write, I do not want him to get to high school not being able to write. Your are correct in what you are saying luckily writing isn't so important these days as most things are done on the computer but its still a skill that if there is extra help or resources available to someone with a 'diagnosis' I want him to be able to access it.

If the doctor says there is nothing wrong then I will accept that and move on at least then I can be a bit harder on him when he spills a drink/breaks something due to fiddling with it/misses the toilet etc. If he knows full well what he is doing then it needs to stop.

seven-day-weekend

My son is now 36. He had some of the problems of your son, when he was young (not the toiletting); his handwriting was awful, he got letters backwards, couldn't tie laces or a tie. I was told he was lazy, and asked why I hadn't showed him how to tie the tie/laces (so down to bad parenting).

He was sent to an ed psych when he was in the infants who diagnosed him as a 'square peg' and said the reason the school couldn't cope with him was that they were trying to fit hm into a round hole, and not to worry. He said he was very intelligent and articulate (he could talk in sentences at a year old), and that as he got older, he would learn these things.

He is now a grown man. In his mid-20s he was unofficially diagnosed with Aspergers' Syndrome. He has matured a lot and learned coping strategies, lives in his own flat with his girlfriend and has a steady job at Morrisons.

He can now tie shoes, but still can't tie a tie, still gets letters backwards sometimes (like Suki he is much better with a keyboard), has the same problem with numbers and still can't find his way around strange places(although he has found a coping strategy).

Some people are just wired differently. I'm not saying this is the same with your son, but I do know how awful it casn be at school if they don't fit into the box. I can remember coming out of virtuually every parents' evening crying. I think there is a bit more understanding now, than in the 80s and 90s when my son was at school, but not much.

I hope you both get the help and support you need and hope that in some way what I have said has made you fell slightly less alone.

Wishing you well xxx

kingfisherblue

For children who need to fiddle with something, try a piece of bluetack.

Aiming correctly in the toilet seems to be a problem for many. I've heard (but never tried) that trying to dunk a ping pong ball in the loo can help to focus the aim. Maybe teach your son to wipe the seat after every time he uses the toilet, before he washes his hands. Make it part of his routine. Praise when he remembers.

For writing, make it into a game. Does he recognise letters? Can he trace them in sand, shaving foam, or similar? Pencil grips can encourage him to hold them correctly. Try writing activities together - make a shopping list, play word games, and be a role model by reading and writing for pleasure - let him see it shouldn't be a chore. Choose books together from the library, and take it in turns to read a page. Boys often prefer nonfiction.

Keep to routines that will encourage self help. For example, while you cook, ask your son to put the placemats and cutlery on the table. For help with setting the table properly, you could make laminated placemats showing where the knife, fork and spoon is situated.

After your meal, take away your dishes together. Scrape the plates and one of you washes while the other dries. Keep everything relaxed, chatting about nonthreatening topics such as any Hobbies, animals you both like, what you want to watch on TV, or what book you can read together.

Simple routines can help a child feel secure. They can also help with dexterity, such as learning not to drop dishes when washing them. If he is relaxed, your son is more likely to be approachable when difficult subjects come up, but it takes a long time.

A calendar or diary can help with routines. Now is a good time to introduce an academic year diary. It also helps with a countdown to appointments, back to school, or other big events. My son has his own diary and calendar that he chose from The Works (about £3 in total).

As well as helping your son to set out his clothes the night before, encourage him to put dirty washing into a laundry bin. Pound shops sell pop up hampers, or you could use a lidded box. It makes life easier for you, and helps him to develop life skills and take some responsibility for his belongings.

If you post areas that you would like further help, I'm sure that between us, we can come up with some ideas to try. Bear in mind that some things won't work for you or your son, and some will take a long time before you see results, but nobody has ever brought up a child overnight. These things take time and bucketloads of patience.

Savvy_Sue

One thought: the OP feels that all she's ever heard is that her son's problems are all down to her parenting.

I'd be wondering if some of it is not down to the school - SDW's comment about fitting square pegs into round holes resonated with me!

The idea of taking away 'good points' sounds really outdated (and wrong) to me.

Is there any alternative?

[Deleted User]

I have a now 20 year old who was diagnosed with ASD at 11. He was also a very bright boy, but could barely write and had a few behavioural problems. He also called himself a 'retard', and was very miserable at school.

When we went for assessments, I was asked for a basic history and then he was taken off by one of the two assessing people and I could talk openly. If you feel uncomfortable talking in front of your son, just say so and say can we discuss this later.

To prepare my son, I told him that I knew he was unhappy at school, and we needed to see a doctor to see if there was a reason why he was unhappy. I made it clear to him that he needed to be totally honest and then we might stand a chance of finding a way to help him. I also gave him opportunity to talk about what made him unhappy at school and explained how help with these problems could make school more comfortable for him.

I hope this helps. I hope you find the sort of spcialists your son needs. They tend to understand the problems.., I've got another boy who's now 10, and when he was assessed, they were very understanding rather than judging my abilities as a mum (with my older son I was judged even with the diagnosis). Hopefully things have changed and that's why there was a difference.

iammumtoone

UPDATE

We went to the appointment, it was ok, much much better than the first time round. The doctor spoke to me at length before she called my son in she did point out that I seemed very defensive! I was completely honest and told her the reason why. She explained that the first time round the behaviours I was explaining could relate to plenty of five year olds but now he is older they stand out more. I can see this, just wish the first time round the doctor then would have pointed this fact out to me that if I didn't see any improvements in a couple of years to go back - they didn't just put it down to parental issues - full stop

The next step is they will send a questionnaire to the school and then make the decision whether to do an assessment for autism this first appointment was just an initial chat.

I know the school will send back the questionnaire as no concerns as I have asked them loads of times if they feel there could be something and was always told no just give it more time. He is good and quiet at school so basically just gets ignored - once he came home having soiled himself, he didn't say anything and the teacher didn't even notice :eek: when I complained I was told it was his fault he should have said (personally I don't blame him for not saying, he must have been really embarrassed).

I understand he can't be referred on my say so otherwise you would have loads of kids referred so accept that nothing further will come of this, and to be honest I don't think he is autistic (but do think there is something) as his social skills with his peers seem fine for his age.

Thanks for everyone's help. I am glad I went and will just have to leave it now and hope everything works out ok for him.