Mum and sisters debt help.

Mojisola

SueDerbyshire wrote: »

It's horrible thinking about my mums funeral etc but I'm worried that there will be no money for her funeral and my husband and I would have to pay for it.

Thank you for reassuring me, along with others, that's one thing I can stop worrying about.

You're in a horrible situation and need to tread a careful path between helping and enabling. Your husband may have a more objective point of view which would be useful to keep you from getting too caught up in it.

Even if you just want to vent, come back on here for help/advice.

Kim_13

While getting your sister to correspond with the catalogues might be a good way of getting her to see the scale of the problem, it won't be that simple. The account is in your mum's name so they won't deal with anyone else without prior written authorisation.

Additionally, your mum/sister don't want to end up with fraud/party to fraud charges (unsure if it could get that far but that's technically what it is, as your sister was making the purchases without your mum having any part of it.) To be 100% legal, your mum should have got the catalogues, given them to your sister to look in and made the purchases herself.

dancingfairy

Someone has to be the adult here. It's tempting to step in and help them out but that's not going to actually help in the long term. It's your mum's problem (not yours). Give her advice and support but at the end of the day she needs to sort it out. Whether that means making token payments, a DMP, a dro or something else you can help her look at the options but ultimately she needs to understand that it's her mess and she needs to sort it.
Good luck
Df

Tigsteroonie

SueDerbyshire wrote: »

I can see her sat on her tablet looking at what next to buy her son to make him happy. She keeps buying him stuff but he isn't interested in it and so she tries again.

I can totally sympathise with this, it's terribly tempting to buy the entire offerings of a special needs toys catalogue :rotfl: but, as long-standing MSErs, we've learnt to borrow or buy second-hand items to "test" before committing; today we picked up a Leapfrog Scout for £2.50!

If she sits on her tablet, she's obviously net-savvy; I wonder if she's considered eBaying any of the items that didn't suit her son to try and recoup some of the money? That way she'd be helping herself and others with children with similar issues.

[sorry, de-railing the thread again]

SueDerbyshire

Hi, thank you all again for your replies.

I have thought about the fraud side of it and being as I know my mum is responsible for the whole debt I just want to concentrate on supporting my mum and getting this mess sorted, it makes it more difficult as I live 150 miles away.

I took advice yesterday and went onto Step Change site, completed their online form and the result recommended bankruptcy. I know nothing about bankruptcy and as my head was spinning and my eyes were sore with crying I decided to have a break from it all until today. I km w this is my mums debt but it feels like mine. My mum can do very little due to her health so I am getting her to do as much as I think she can cope with.

I have a lot of information to read today, the main thing iis how it will affect my mum in the next few years, will she be able renew her phone contracts for instance, will she be able to open a new bank, I know she will have to close the account she has now.

Finally, NY dad was a very proud man and I can't help thinking how he would be feeling now knowing my mum might be bankrupt, i m finding that hard to deal with and I think my mum has no idea how this is all affecting me.

Thank you once again for all your advice and support.

sourcrates

Its actually just been made a lot simpler process going bankrupt.


Once you have the fee, you fill in a simple form, send it off to the insolvency service, and its then processed, they will then be in touch with her in due course.


There is no longer a need to appear in court, its all done online and by post.
I really think it would be the best option as it would clear everything in one fell swoop, and because she would be a discharged bankrupt, after a year, your sister could not apply for any more credit in your mums name, as it would be declined.

SueDerbyshire

Mojisola wrote: »

You're in a horrible situation and need to tread a careful path between helping and enabling. Your husband may have a more objective point of view which would be useful to keep you from getting too caught up in it.

Even if you just want to vent, come back on here for help/advice.

Thank you, you have been so understanding and yes you are right, I talk everything through with my husband. Despite how emotional I feel at the moment and deep down I just want to shout at my sister and mum, I'm not, I can be very practical when needed and know I needed to focus on the problem, not them. I am involving my mum as much as I can but she is not very good on computers and doesn't understand a lot of what is being asked of her due to her health, so I'm doing more than I would say if it was a friend in trouble.

Anyway, I'm looking into bankruptcy for my mum, she can't even offer the catalogues £1 each because she doesn't have it spare. Got a lot of reading to do and will be back on here if I need any help but thank you once again.

consultant31

SueDerbyshire wrote: »

It's an awful thought to think that at least when my mum dies I won't have to worry about her debt anymore, that's awful isn't it.

I think you've had some great advice on here and I can't offer any more in that line, but I do think a (((hug))) would be in order so I offer that freely. Don't forget to have some 'me' time where you can push all the mum and sister problems right to the very back of your mind and concentrate on you, your husband and your children.
Good luck love x

Mojisola

SueDerbyshire wrote: »

I am involving my mum as much as I can but she is not very good on computers and doesn't understand a lot of what is being asked of her due to her health, so I'm doing more than I would say if it was a friend in trouble.

Once you've got the debt issue under control, it would be worth getting a Power of Attorney arranged for Mum so that you can step in easily if her health gets worse.

FBaby

Are you absolutely certain that the debt is indeed all your sister's? I am asking because you've stated that your mum had run debts before, so clearly it's been a problem before, and the fact that she says she doesn't want you to mention it to your sister. Could it be that she is so embarrassed that it has happened again, she is saying that it's the fault of your sister so you're more likely to be sympathetic?