Mum and sisters debt help.

redpete

No need to change the insurance policy to avoid it being used against the debt. Funeral costs are paid from an estate before debts. If there is no money left after the funeral costs then the debt is cancelled. It might be worth doing to protect the money from your sister getting hold of it.

You should not give any more money to your mum, you have done more than most people would.

You should get your mum to contact Step Change or one of the other debt charities, they are the experts at dealing with this sort of thing and you should not be taking all the burden.

You should also get your mum to contact each and every one of the catalogues to stop any further purchases.

Finally, assuming your user id is your name and the photo is you, do you really want this detail published in a public forum against your real identity?

missbiggles1

Do you think that your sister might have a drink/drugs/gambling problem?

tori.k

Sometimes it best to be cruel to be kind, your sister has an shopping issue and your mum is enabling it, and your enabling your mum with sorting her finances, someone has to break the cycle and for your own sanity I would suggest that it's you, get your mum to contact stepchange and help her along with the process she is likely to be more honest with them then you, but take a step back from the responsibility before your own health start to suffer.
Best of luck

Mojisola

redpete wrote: »

No need to change the insurance policy to avoid it being used against the debt.

It's quite normal to have the policy set up this way. It means it can be paid quickly to the beneficiary without having to go through the deceased's estate. Because the estate will be insolvent, SueDerbyshire should not get involved with administering it.

If the payout if for more than the funeral, then SueDerbyshire will get a bit back to replace the money she and her husband have already given to her mother.

Sue - get one of the debt charities on the case. Don't try to handle this yourself.

sourcrates

If you go to stepchange, as a 1st step, they will most likely tell you to write to each creditor, explaining the situation, tell them they have no real prospect of any tangible payment, and ask them to make a commercial decision and write the debt off.


They may or may not do this, I suspect the next step would be for her to be declared Bankrupt, not wanting to worry you unduly, but that may be the best solution all round.

SueDerbyshire

redpete wrote: »

No need to change the insurance policy to avoid it being used against the debt. Funeral costs are paid from an estate before debts. If there is no money left after the funeral costs then the debt is cancelled. It might be worth doing to protect the money from your sister getting hold of it.

You should not give any more money to your mum, you have done more than most people would.

You should get your mum to contact Step Change or one of the other debt charities, they are the experts at dealing with this sort of thing and you should not be taking all the burden.

You should also get your mum to contact each and every one of the catalogues to stop any further purchases.

Finally, assuming your user id is your name and the photo is you, do you really want this detail published in a public forum against your real identity?

Hi and thank you for your reply.

I am going to try and get my mum to get in touch with Step Change herself and I will take it from there by supporting her. I am guessing it will be easier to just do it myself because she will be coming to me with loads of questions but the more she is involved the less likely she is to want to have to do it again and hopefully think twice before buying. The problem is my sister though, as I can't actually discuss it with her and the fact that my mum and I are sorting this big problem out, she will just get on with her life and carry on buying. I'm hoping my mums credit is so pore now that my sister will be unable to open up anymore accounts. I'm also going to get my mum to contact each catalogue and block them, I think she has already done some of these but not sure how many.

As for my ID, you are right, I have taken my photo down, however, my name isn't Sue Derbyshire so that's ok.

Thank you again for your suggestions.

SueDerbyshire

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Do you think that your sister might have a drink/drugs/gambling problem?

That's a good suggestion and I have thought of that myself also. My sister was an alcoholic about 10 years ago but we got her through that after the problem (her husband) left. I am in contact with her both day and night, only on voice messages though as she won't talk to anyone on the phone because her confidence is shot and won't even talk to me on the phone, she always seems ok and after herprevious experience I'd like to think I would know if she sounded drunk etc. Gambling, is a different matter, she has not had that problem before and I think she isn't into that sort of thing, such as bingo casino sites but can't be sure. She is totally against drugs but that could be a cover up. I honestly believe that she wouldn't risk being on drugs or being drunk when having her son with her, he often gets rushed into hospital with seizures so I can't see how she would risk that.

I honestly believe that she is a lonely person and although really busy with her son and doesn't rest much, I can see her sat on her tablet looking at what next to buy her son to make him happy. She keeps buying him stuff but he isn't interested in it and so she tries again.

SueDerbyshire

tori.k wrote: »

Sometimes it best to be cruel to be kind, your sister has an shopping issue and your mum is enabling it, and your enabling your mum with sorting her finances, someone has to break the cycle and for your own sanity I would suggest that it's you, get your mum to contact stepchange and help her along with the process she is likely to be more honest with them then you, but take a step back from the responsibility before your own health start to suffer.
Best of luck

Thank you and your absolutely right. After I gave my mum £12,000 I told her that was all she was going to get and that I wasn't going to help her out no more. This is why I want to get her involved as much as possible in the hope she will learn from it and it may deter her from repeating this mess in the future. A big part of this is my sisters problem and I have told my mum that she has to sit down with my sister and show her what she owes and discuss what they need to do, with my support but my mum won't do that, she knows my sister will fall out with her and doesn't want that.

Even after all this I can't help thinking I will be here again in a year or so. It's an awful thought to think that at least when my mum dies I won't have to worry about her debt anymore, that's awful isn't it.

SueDerbyshire

Mojisola wrote: »

It's quite normal to have the policy set up this way. It means it can paid quickly to the beneficiary without having to go through the deceased's estate. Because the estate will be insolvent, SueDerbyshire should not get involved with administering it.

If the payout if for more than the funeral, then SueDerbyshire will get a bit back to replace the money she and her husband have already given to her mother.

Sue - get one of the debt charities on the case. Don't try to handle this yourself.

Thank you.

I will get my mum to contact the insurance company and ask them to put me as the beneficiary. It's horrible thinking about my mums funeral etc but I'm worried that there will be no money for her funeral and my husband and I would have to pay for it. Thank you for reassuring me, along with others, that's one thing I can stop worrying about.

SueDerbyshire

sourcrates wrote: »

If you go to stepchange, as a 1st step, they will most likely tell you to write to each creditor, explaining the situation, tell them they have no real prospect of any tangible payment, and ask them to make a commercial decision and write the debt off.


They may or may not do this, I suspect the next step would be for her to be declared Bankrupt, not wanting to worry you unduly, but that may be the best solution all round.

Thank you, I will contact Stepchange today and see what they suggest. I think my mum has asked them all to block their accounts but will check with her.