I want to stop drowning

Spendy_Spenderson

I apologise if any of my previous posts have come across as harsh or negative debtaghh. That was never my intention. I, like many others, am just really concerned for your situation and want to advise you in the best way possible. Sometimes that might be by pointing out things that are hard to see or hear.


I know the figures are approximate but is the reality something close to this: That on a monthly basis, if your dh was to have no overtime at all, there would be roughly a £400 shortfall between what you bring in, and what you need to pay out to cover the basic necessities and committed outgoings, ie food, rent, council tax, all min debt repayments etc etc?


I know that sometimes there is overtime but I really think it's key to understand what the shortfall is on a month where there would be none. That gives you the figure that you need to have available each and every month, and to save from the good months, to prevent you having to put any of these basic commitments / outgoings on a CC.


In addition to the basic outgoings, there are always other things that need paying out (although perhaps with no fixed dates) like dental work, haircuts, car repairs, clothes for the children / school uniform, bday presents, the odd take away as a family etc. It is unrealistic for anyone (no matter how MSE) to think that these costs will not be incurred. Yes we can ensure we set small budgets for them, ie £30 on each child's bday present as an example. But they are still things that need money being spent on them. What a lot of the advice here is saying is that you need to allocate 'pots' for these things, as if you do not then when they become 'due' there is no option but to put it on credit, which is not helping your situation. If you do cut up the cards and resolve to live without them you will need money for these items.


Now from your approximate figures in previous posts, my understanding is that in order to allocate enough money towards each of these areas / pots noted above, you would need to put away approx. £400 a month. This would then allow you to not use CC's to cover these events. What I am concerned about is that if you look at a month with no overtime, that means you need to find £800 (£400 for your basic outgoings and £400 for all your pots), just to balance your budget. So to not use CC's anymore that's realistically a 'real' shortfall of £800 you'd need to find. That is the main reason I've always encouraged the dmp route. I just cannot see how you can cover everything you need to, let alone repay anything above the minimums of CC's.


I see you fight so hard and pick yourself up time and time again and your resolve is inspiring - as are the changes you've made like pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and re-entering the workplace. I don't think anyone wants to take anything away from your efforts and your endeavor. I just don't want to see you expel so much energy, effort and emotion on something that might be just too big a mountain to climb at this point. It must be exhausting to take two steps forwards and three back but perhaps unavoidable with the shortfall you have. I wouldn't see it as any sort of personal failure, I think you've tried more than most but I'm just concerned you're fighting a losing battle and your happiness and mental health is suffering in the meantime.


Sorry for such a long post and I hope it makes sense when I talk about the 'true' shortfall. Just trying to give another perspective on things. I'll continue to be here cheering you on from the sidelines whatever decision you make about how to proceed.


Spendy x

debtaghh

Thanks so much for all your lovely messages, I know you all mean well and it means a lot to me.

If I save the monthly needed and no overtime then we have a shortfall of £421 per month. This is paying all bills and minimums and £375 needed for savings. This is me allocating £280 a month for food.

pennywisepoundstupid

Hi Debtaghh, hope your ok. I just wanted to say I didn't mean to cause any offence with my message, I was just concerned for you as I know how much stress finding a new home last year had caused.

Take care PWPS xx

debtaghh

Thanks penny wise.

So my plan to try out until June is to save money neeeded each month if I can. If I happen to have anything extra then this will go towards debt. I will then re-evaluate in June.

If I manage to pay the minimums each month and not re use I should have cleared a minimum of £4680 by June. I'm hoping this will also mean my minimums may be slightly less.

My realistic aim will be to clear £5k and to have saved each month. This will all depend on overtime and will be a good way for me to see. If come end of June I haven't managed to save and have struggled to pay the minimums then I will have no choice but to look at something else e.g a dmp.

I will add my debt onto my signature as a way of keeping a log ( just credit card debt not family)

debtaghh

Thanks once again for all your comments over the last few days x

WannabeFree

I know you say you won't be 'better off' in a DMP because of the family debt however you would be. The budget would balance. The things that could tip you over the edge of being able to keep the roof over your head or not would have been on a lower arrangement etc if no overtime comes in/one of you need to be off work sick etc.

I know you cant fall behind on the family debt however just keep in mind they can't evict you etc. Where as should the shortfall lead to falling behind on rent then your home is at risk.

I don't think getting another loan is a good idea. Then if something went wrong you'd have the cards available but then you'll be even deeper in. It's so easy for it to continue escalating and just getting bigger and bigger.

Please take care of yourself.

Even if you don't do a full DMP you could try asking them to set an agreement up with you. Even though it will still mean the defaults happen you can set your budget however you want and allow the family debt in if you're self managing the DMP

x

Spendy_Spenderson

debtaghh wrote: »

So my plan to try out until June is to save money neeeded each month if I can. If I happen to have anything extra then this will go towards debt. I will then re-evaluate in June.

If I manage to pay the minimums each month and not re use I should have cleared a minimum of £4680 by June. I'm hoping this will also mean my minimums may be slightly less.

My realistic aim will be to clear £5k and to have saved each month. This will all depend on overtime and will be a good way for me to see. If come end of June I haven't managed to save and have struggled to pay the minimums then I will have no choice but to look at something else e.g a dmp.

I will add my debt onto my signature as a way of keeping a log ( just credit card debt not family)

Great plan debtaghh This change in mindset from focusing on replaying extra on the debt to actually ensuring you have a working budget by saving for all your monthly outgoings will really help. This should mean that you won't be adding to the CC debt over the next 6 months because you are saving towards these outgoings. It will also mean (as you very rightly point out) that just by paying the minimums over the next 6 months, your debt total will have reduced by £4680. That will definitely mean that in 6 months you will also have reduced the minimum payments and in turn are moving towards a more balanced monthly budget.


As you say, see how you go and it should help you to see whether this will be a viable path or whether you'll need to reassess in 6 months. Good luck! X

motivated

Hi debtaghhh

Just popping in to say hi and good luck with your plan and when you reevaluate in June you will see how much you've saved and how things are working out.

If you have paid £4680 on your cards imagine the boost that will give you to carry on planning ahead.
M

sweetpea26

Thats an excellent suggestion Hillwalker

Noone is judging you ... I have been in debt and I see you suffering the way I did. I got out of it so can you. Debt affects our mental and physical health. Please take the advice of so many well meaning people on this forum ... the number one thing you can do to help your situation is to sit down and work out exactly what has come in and went out in the last 6 - 12 months. Then set a plan.

If I were you I would tell my parents about the state you are in. They disrespect you anyway at present and that is an understatement. Maybe seriously consider spending less time with them if they are not supportive. This of course cannot be done until you both have worked what has come in and went out.

In life Debtagh we have to protect ourselves...and our families. If your parents are knocking you down start excluding them from areas of your life. Unfortunately not due to debt I have had to do that with a sibling who became unbearable. Most family members think the same as me and find her insulting behaviour abhorrent but they would never say to her. This is only an example..but I have felt much better since I decided to distance myself and my family from her.

Life goes so quickly Debtagh. I wasted my thirties in debt oh how I wish I didnt but that is what happened. I just had to shake myself and get on with clearing it. You need a PLAN...and your husband has to be working alongside you all the way.

Take care of yourself and enjoy the simple things in life like the hug of a little child. Those are the things you will remember and cherish as you get older.

debtaghh

Telling my parents would seriously cause me so much more stress that I cannot explain. Years ago when we were contemplating an IVA ( when we had less debt) I told my mum and she was mortified and was humiliated at the idea and couldn't believe we had been so st***id and she spent days expressing how we have caused her so much stress and it's not nice for her having a daughter with this problem. I honestly love my parents and my mum at times has a good heart but they cause me a huge amount of pressure and stress in my life. I can't explain what they are like but everyone in the real world sees what they are like and say they don't know how I do it. Telling them would make things a million times worse.