I want to stop drowning

WannabeFree

It can't be easy and I'm not even going to pretend to know how you feel. However you do need to start thinking ahead of what you will do should something happen. No one knows what tomorrow holds.

I don't know what I'd do in your situation but I think you and DH really need to sit and decide on a plan that will work longer term. Even the smallest thing of there being no overtime could tip you over the edge with a huge shortfall. The unknown of so much can't be doing any of you any good nor can the worry and stress of juggling it all.

Take care
x

Silver_Queen

I think that one of the issues is that clearly this is a stressful situation for you and you want to jump in headfirst to sort it out, but you don't know how. However, lots of people have given you useful advice and I think you need to sit down with a clear head to work out your plan of attack.

Is there someone in real life who you can sit down with to work it all out? If not, can you post a new, accurate SOA so for people to give advice on?

Why don't you add up all the overtime DH has had for the last 6 months and then divide it by 6 to find the monthly average? This is a bit dangerous because some months he might not have as much, but frankly I don't see how you can budget otherwise. Then, any month that he gets paid more, I would keep it in a separate account for emergencies and for dealing with months where he has a shortfall - not for repaying debt or holiday!

Hopefully we can try to help you with it?

I apologise if any post of mine comes across as judgemental but honestly I am worried about you and want to see if we can help you out of this situation. I think that sometimes a little bit of tough love is necessary.

efes_shareholder

I've read your diary and been following it and I just sense an massive amount of pressure on your shoulders regarding this debt and I get the impression of 2 steps forward and 3 back

I understand your reluctance to enter a DMP however I agree with other posts regarding credit checks - all they can see is if you have had CCJ's not what you owe people in credit facility

I really would reconsider the holiday which you have booked , as much as its lovely to have a break and something to look forward too right now it isn't a priority and its just another thing you have to find the money for
Overtime can be stopped at any time , hours can be changed , just the slightest little tweak and you there will be more water coming in to the boat you are desperately trying to float

debtaghh

I can't really talk to anyone in the real world other than my dh.

Good idea about the over time . When dh comes back from work we will do this tonight.

I hate this situation and it causes me a ridiculous amount of stress and worry. I've been unwell for weeks as I can't seem to shift it and wonder if this financial mess doesn't help.

I think I feel I have no energy to even start a dmp and go through it all plus I did that calculator and that wasn't looking good.

To give an example of how unsupportive my parents are on New Year's Day one of the first thing they said to me was : new year so you can start paying us more back! They honestly don't care what our situation is like.

Silver_Queen

Parents can definitely be tough but I wonder if they know the full extent of your situation? To play devil's advocate, imagine if all they can see is that you have a lovely family, a supportive DH who they assume earns a good amount and you've booked a holiday. What if they think that you've been trying to take them for a ride and that actually, you're flush with cash and just don't want to pay them back? This is obviously not the situation but I could understand a little more why they have been so unsupportive of you if this is what they think.

debtaghh

BabyStepper wrote: »

A shortage of housing is not a reason to keep yourself up to your neck in unmanageable debt, that doesn't make any sense. Your housing situation is vulnerable with or without a dmp. You don't have savings to use for a move, you have money you took from a credit card, increasing your debt before you needed to so you could keep it in the bank. You don't have savings because there is a deficit in your budget. The last time you moved you planned to use your 'savings' but ended up increasing your debt by borrowing £1,700 from your dad and then relying on the goodwill of a family member to give you £2,000, an offer they later withdrew landing you in further difficulty. If you are asked to move you are in serious trouble. Surely you can see that? You have not reduced your debt in 2.5 years with this method, this is not getting better, time to do something else?

I also think you should tell your parents you have £85k of debt to service and a monthly income of under £3k. Whether or not they support you, at least they will stop lending you money which is making things worse.

Good luck!

Sorry I have just seen this. My parents wouldn't care and just make my life a living hell more than they do already. They haven't lent us money in ages and inly advanced the deposit which we were due back but the new deposit has to be paid before the old one was refunded. It was for a very short period of time. Yes our situation is extremely worrying esp due to renting and the potential risk of moving again.

debtaghh

Silver_Queen wrote: »

Parents can definitely be tough but I wonder if they know the full extent of your situation? To play devil's advocate, imagine if all they can see is that you have a lovely family, a supportive DH who they assume earns a good amount and you've booked a holiday. What if they think that you've been trying to take them for a ride and that actually, you're flush with cash and just don't want to pay them back? This is obviously not the situation but I could understand a little more why they have been so unsupportive of you if this is what they think.

I know what you mean but they know we have debt but not the exact figure and they don't care. My dad goes and tells everyone about our business and advertises what a failure we are

Silver_Queen

Sounds like you don't need them in your life then, to be honest. That really is awful of them. I hope that you will be able to sort this situation out soon!

Hillwalker11

Have you thought about a visit to Citizens Advice .They have debt counsellors who you can make an appointment to see. You probably won't get an immediate appointment and will have to wait depending on area and how busy they are.It would be somebody in real life to talk to and they should be able to help you find a way forward.They do not judge and it might ease your worries slightly if an appointment is arranged.
As others have said you are on the precipice of everything falling apart and for your own sanity CAB will be able to offer a lot of help and support.

enthusiasticsaver

debtaghh wrote: »

The debt has increased compared to last year but I have a lump sum in the savings which I could technically use to pay it off meaning my debt would have gone down last year. They don't keep on approving as in we don't apply for new credit cards. We were using the ones we have.

I've worked out before that we will need to save £400 a month towards, car maintenance, dentists, health card, holiday, bday and Xmas etc.

You mention Brexit, I worry about the cost of things increasing especially when there is uncertainty. Is this what you mean?

Ok so the offset amount when you take the money in savings and outstanding debt is lower than last year. That sounds like progress. I meant the new money transfer card you got in a panic last year, was it an old one? How about getting 0% deals to move cards over when the deals expire? Are you still able to do that or are you now paying interest?

Working out £400 a month towards all the above is good but sounds like a lot to find from your monthly budget along with minimum debt repayments and everyday living expenses. You already have some set aside in a savings account so perhaps deduct that from the £4800 you need over the year and divide by 12 to see if that is close to being doable within your income. You mentioned a shortfall last year on a basic month. Is this still the case?

I mentioned Brexit in particularly in relation to overseas holidays. If we go out with no deal as looks more likely now that could cause problems with air traffic restrictions, maybe visas and certainly delays with border controls until something is sorted out which could take a while. Our view is until we can see how it is working after the end of March it is safest to stick with UK breaks. Not everyone will agree but I tend to plan for worst possible scenario. Not a clue about food prices, fuel prices etc but general assumptions are being made that prices will go up.