I want to stop drowning

debtaghh

I think you're right. It's hit us as my dh hasn't had as much overtime and then my attitude has been what's the point ( I know completely wrong) work has been really hard and there are some ppl not that nice and treat me like rubbish which I think has affected me. It was such a big step starting that job that it's really knocked me the way I've been spoken too.

I honestly don't know what the answer is as I can't do anything about the family debt.

enthusiasticsaver

debtaghh wrote: »

I think you're right. It's hit us as my dh hasn't had as much overtime and then my attitude has been what's the point ( I know completely wrong) work has been really hard and there are some ppl not that nice and treat me like rubbish which I think has affected me. It was such a big step starting that job that it's really knocked me the way I've been spoken too.

I honestly don't know what the answer is as I can't do anything about the family debt.

Maybe you could do the same as Puzzcat as they allowed her £76 a month. Not sure how they work that out though and some DMP providers don't allow for family loans. A self managed one might be worth exploring but whether or not they freeze the interest as willingly as they do when stepchange/payplan manage it I don't know. Worth exploring anyway as a £500 shortfall is a lot and if that is ongoing the debt can only go one way until you have no access to credit any more.

badmemory

debtaghh wrote: »

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The truth is my debt has gone up for several reasons one being a holiday we booked. I know we shouldn't have but my DH really wanted it.

I know it's my fault and I can't see a way out and that is what I find hard. It's started to also effect my relationship with my dh as I can never talk to him about how I feel.

It is affecting your relationship because you know going along with this holiday was a really bad idea & that your DH should have known better than express a want for it. How many of the takeaways & other treats are at DHs suggestion that you feel unable to say no to? I think it is time DH grew up & faced up to his responsibilities.


I know this sounds harsh, it isn't meant to be, just a reality check. There is no way YOU are solely responsible for this debt, so stop taking all the blame. I do hope it isn't all in your name!

enthusiasticsaver

I think badmemory is right. No way is this just down to you. Presumably your DH knows you are heavily in debt and have a shortfall so pressuring for a holiday and other things you cannot afford makes the situation so much worse. You both need to be singing from the same hymn sheet though.

I think as I said earlier though you are so heavily entrenched in debt now you cannot see a way out so give up trying to keep within budget after a period of time. You must see though that this is not the answer either to watch every penny and then splurge to end up back where you started or in this case actually increasing the debt.

You need to speak to your DH and stepchange. I would say negotiate a lower payment with your family but I recall you saying this is not an option. Do a budget on your worst monthly income and work out how much you can afford to put towards the debts each month. Do not forget to build in emergency savings, holidays, clothes, entertainment figures. I think there are suggestions on line as to how much you can allow depending on how many in your family. If stepchange won't permit you enough to repay the family debt then go self managed.

debtaghh

To be honest I can't really put the blame on my dh as it's both our faults with regards to holidays etc. I've probably been the worst out the two in the past and booked things as a surprise. We have both kind of given up. The one thing I will say is that my dh does leave it for me to sort out. He blocks it all out and that does frustrate me. I suppose he just doesn't have the answer so doesn't know what to say.

Reality is we are good in lots of areas. We are good with our food budget , clothing , big household purchases. Our downfall is holidays/ trips. In reality I know I try and keep up with the Joneses with certain things. It's hard as I would love to be able to save for things but when you don't have money every month to allocate to save it's difficult.

debtaghh

I've just done the stepchange calculator and to be honest I'm really disappointed with the outcome. For one it suggest we spend less on health/ dentist- we both have Pre payment cards and my dh has major dental problems. Their answer was pay token payments temporarily or bankruptcy not even an Iva

debtaghh

I've just looked it up and I think the issue is they are saying with our basic salaries we can't afford an Iva

enthusiasticsaver

Bankruptcy will have an impact on you if renting. I would go for self managed DMP. You need to stop relying on credit. Spending on a credit card for a holiday quite frankly is crazy. I understand how you think burying your head in the sand is the answer but it really isn't. If the stepchange calculator shows that even an IVA is unaffordable that is an indication of how bad it is. I personally would go down the DMP route. They have only discounted that because it will take a long time to pay this off. You need to turn the tanker around though or bankruptcy will be the only option available. Go on to the DMP support thread, phone stepchange and work out an affordable monthly payment you can pay towards the debts. Save for emergencies, default on the cards and offer tokens while you are wait8ng for it to be set up. That is what I would do we're I in your position.

debtaghh

Bankruptcy is not an option as it will affect my dh's job

enthusiasticsaver

debtaghh wrote: »

Bankruptcy is not an option as it will affect my dh's job

Then you will have to go down the DMP route. As I said the calculator has suggested bankruptcy because the debt is high, you have no assets and the amount of free money you have each month will not clear the debt in a reasonable time. As I see it a DMP is your only choice.