I want to stop drowning

debtaghh

Thanks for your messages.

My work increase in hours is not going ahead which I'm really annoyed about.

The truth is my debt has gone up for several reasons one being a holiday we booked. I know we shouldn't have but my DH really wanted it. This I feel is what has triggered how I feel as I know we shouldn't have done it and we have over committed. I also feel I live a lie in the real world. Ppl have no clue and think I'm actually good with my money. In reality I know I try and live a life we can't afford. I cut back on food , clothes but recently have gone out a bit for a few meals and cinema which we can't afford. Everything has had to go on the credit card technically. Holiday , clothes I've needed , shoes, treatment for my feet, Xmas and anything extra meal etc. The debt has gone up by thousands yes partly because of our own doing but also because we have a shortfall every month of about £500 unless my dh gets overtime which he hasn't had for a couple of months.

I know it's my fault and I can't see a way out and that is what I find hard. It's started to also effect my relationship with my dh as I can never talk to him about how I feel.

motivated

Debtaghh you seem to be really beating yourself up over it all. I'm so sorry things are getting on top of you.

About 2 christmases ago I/we did the self same thing. Bought everything on CCs

From my side the only way I got out of the spiral of adding everything onto CCs (holidays included) was to cut them up and have done with them.
Easy for me to say I know but if I hadn't entered a DMP I would've carried on.

As for the relationship we too went through a stage of barely talking. And when we did. It ended up in a row. You are not alone believe me.

Have you thought about entering into a DMP? It really saved us from ourselves. Yes we will be paying back for ever and a day BUT we are able to have a life of sorts aswell. Our creditors have all been fine up to this point and hopefully they will continue to work with us.

After all it's only money
X

motivated

Debtaghh you seem to be really beating yourself up over it all. I'm so sorry things are getting on top of you.

About 2 christmases ago I/we did the self same thing. Bought everything on CCs and honestly thought we would be able to pay it back.

From my side the only way I got out of the spiral of adding everything onto CCs (holidays included) was to cut them up and have done with them.
Easy for me to say I know but if I hadn't entered a DMP I would've carried on.

As for the relationship we too went through a stage of barely talking. And when we did. It ended up in a row. You are not alone believe me.

Have you thought about entering into a DMP? It really saved us from ourselves. Yes we will be paying back for ever and a day BUT we are able to have a life of sorts aswell. Our creditors have all been fine up to this point and hopefully they will continue to work with us.

After all it's only money
X

motivated

I know I have a habit of repeating myself but this tops it

Sorry my internet crashed and I thought my post never went through
Obviously it did
M

Puzzcat

Dear Debtaghh,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low at the moment. I am afraid I am going to second Motivated's suggestion about a DMP. I know you rent so you had concerns about moving but really i think its time to make a change.

If you go to the DMP thread, I doubt you will find one person who isn't happy that they have gone down that route. Most start with a debt charity such as Stepchange, and you can balance your budget so you can actually live! Most go onto self managed which is what I have been doing for sometime now, my circumstances changed and I needed the freedom to call the shots with the creditors, I have not one bad experience from them.. and I only pay a fiver a month to each... when I set mine up with Stepchange I also had a family loan to pay off which I incorporated into my budget..

Anyhow I suggest you spend some time reading the dmp thread as there is so much useful information on it and very helpful people.

I joined this site in 2008 but didn't start a dmp until 2013.. In 2008 I owed around 35k.. by 2013 I owed 60k and that included consolidating 3 times.... seriously think about it.. I am now down to 27k with a couple of unenforceable debts and hope to increase my payments in the next few years (or save for full & final offers)

Hope you feel better soon.
Love
Puzz. x

debtaghh

Thanks. I think I will have to spend time reading the dmp board and I might actually ring myself instead of my husband as then I can ask questions. It will have to wait until the new year now. I'm not happy about it but can't see any other way.

Puzzcat

debtaghh wrote: »

Thanks. I think I will have to spend time reading the dmp board and I might actually ring myself instead of my husband as then I can ask questions. It will have to wait until the new year now. I'm not happy about it but can't see any other way.

They still have a debt remedy tool on their website that you can play with, without needing to speak to anyone at the moment....just a thought rather than waiting till the New year.. I set up my dmp with them and never spoke to anyone..!

motivated

Me again, sorry I'm not badgering you . Just to reiterate others suggestions I did the online debt thingy on stepchange. Was petrified when I had to ring them. Best thing I've ever done . The lady was amazing. I even added in family debt and they were fine about it. I too now am self managing with NEDCAB and my creditors have been fantastic.

No we won't get credit for a long time
No we won't have a good credit score
No I won't pay it back in a couple of years
No our friends and family do not know anything
No we've had no trouble from creditors

Yes we are happy
Yes we paying back every penny of our debt
Yes it will take time
Yes we now have a life again
Yes we've moved on and debt no longer rules us.
We rule IT


X

enthusiasticsaver

debtaghh wrote: »

Thanks for your messages.


The truth is my debt has gone up for several reasons one being a holiday we booked. I know we shouldn't have but my DH really wanted it. This I feel is what has triggered how I feel as I know we shouldn't have done it and we have over committed. I also feel I live a lie in the real world. Ppl have no clue and think I'm actually good with my money. In reality I know I try and live a life we can't afford. I cut back on food , clothes but recently have gone out a bit for a few meals and cinema which we can't afford. Everything has had to go on the credit card technically. Holiday , clothes I've needed , shoes, treatment for my feet, Xmas and anything extra meal etc. The debt has gone up by thousands yes partly because of our own doing but also because we have a shortfall every month of about £500 unless my dh gets overtime which he hasn't had for a couple of months.

I know it's my fault and I can't see a way out and that is what I find hard. It's started to also effect my relationship with my dh as I can never talk to him about how I feel.

I think you are in a debt spiral and without a massive increase in income or reduction in outgoings the shortfall will cause the debt to rise as it has along with a general loosening of the purse strings probably because you cannot see an end to these financial woes.

debtaghh wrote: »

Thanks. I think I will have to spend time reading the dmp board and I might actually ring myself instead of my husband as then I can ask questions. It will have to wait until the new year now. I'm not happy about it but can't see any other way.

I think at some point you will have to consider a DMP when you can no longer meet minimums. If you have a £500 shortfall now that may have to be sooner rather than later. I think you have considered this before but the sticking points are the high family debt and the rental situation. Any DMP will not allow for family debt repayments.

Puzzcat

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I think you are in a debt spiral and without a massive increase in income or reduction in outgoings the shortfall will cause the debt to rise as it has along with a general loosening of the purse strings probably because you cannot see an end to these financial woes.


I think at some point you will have to consider a DMP when you can no longer meet minimums. If you have a £500 shortfall now that may have to be sooner rather than later. I think you have considered this before but the sticking points are the high family debt and the rental situation. Any DMP will not allow for family debt repayments.

Hi,
My dmp was with stepchange and I was allowed £76 a month to pay my family loan and I made the rest up through my budget figures.
Puzz