Cash wedding present - how much?

sweetilemon

I usually give £50 for evening or 'making up numbers' invites, as a couple, £100 for good friends although the wedding we just went to we gave £200 as he was a good friend. I think asking for money is a total cheek though, but I don't really approve of gift lists either. I'd be inclined to pay less or buy a gift for someone who has asked for money.

TBagpuss

selement wrote: »

I'm a bit stingy, especially reading what some people on here have put! I usually spend £20-£30, even if its me and my partner going. For a close friends wedding recently we gave £50.

As fairy lights said above we're in our 20s and skint, we're not home owners, we dont go abroad every year (and when we do its to a cheap all inclusive), and most friends are in the same boat.

We're getting married this year and asking for honeymoon contributions, I wouldn't judge a friend for not giving me £50. Although the comment someone made about remembering who gave a tenner if it was a close friend I guess I would be a little disappointed at that but wouldn't say so and would still thank them as really they don't have to get anything. An evening guest or someone not so close invited for some reason giving that much is totally fine as lucky to get anything really.

I think a lot of people forget that although gifts are the social convention they aren't mandatory!

I don't think you are stingy. I think it is all about giving an amount that you are comfortable with and can afford. We're all talking about our own personal circumstances. I'd probably give around £50 now but at the weddings I went to when I was in my early 20s and skint I would normally give gifts worth less than that (even allowing for inflation since)

I also think that there is a tendency to round up and perhaps give a bit more if you give cash than a gift.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I don't give cash and I don't buy off the gift list. I'll choose a small gift that's specific to the couple's tastes, often vouchers for an evening out (ie cinema/theatre) so they can have a date together after the honeymoon when they're skint and feeling a bit flat. I assume I'm invited to the wedding to share a special moment in someone's life, not a number on a spreadsheet that's offset against the total cost.

Weddings have changed from my parents' generation (simple ceremony, sandwiches in village hall, dress made by a relative, honeymoon a weekend in London etc) to massive juggernauts involving fairytale castles, guests having to stay two nights, 3 week honeymoons in the Seychelles, stag/hen weekends abroad, professional gift lists, and crude expectations of hard cash. The marriage is supposed to be the important thing, not the hoo-ha of the wedding.

Meepmeep

Totally agree with the above poster.
My general rant about spending out at weddings is because I have seen so many where the couple spend a fortune on the day (either choosing to get into debt or money from parents or they have the cash, but regardless we are talking many many thousands).

I'm happy to celebrate with friends. But I would rather do that where I can just go for a day with minimal expensive travel costs and not having to fork out for hotel etc. Not to mention the hen do. Again, happy to celebrate but would rather not pay for multiple activities plus drinks plus dinner.

There is huge pressure I feel to attend. It was easy when I was proper poor as I literally did not have the money (could barely afford to eat). So couldn't go. Now I could find the money, but it's a case of, by the time you are talking a couple of hundred, I'd rather be paying that off my credit card or putting in savings.

When it came down to saying no to family member about going abroad (we are talking two weeks all inclusive resort other side of world) for their wedding, it was difficult because the general consensus from others was - well you could find the money within the year. And they are right, we could save up X grand and go. But I don't want to - as I'd rather spend that money on going on holiday with my partner somewhere we both want to go. However this family member made it clear that they hope they don't hear that I'm off on holiday somewhere nice that year. The view being that if I could find the money then my priorities should be their wedding.

OH is more generous to fork out for weddings abroad However now that we are having to tighten our belts significantly he is going to have to become more money saving.

Am I the only one who feels like this?!

bibopalubop

I am getting married in September and I have a gift list set up for honeymoon activities. We're going to the west coast of America so have included things like a tour around Alcatraz. My list ranges from items of £40 to £500 (if people want to club together for a larger gift). I am sure that I will get a few cards with cash under £40 and I am ok with that but I personally feel £40 for one person or £50 for a couple attending a wedding is acceptable and I would feel guilty giving anything lower. A cousin of mine got married last year and I gave £70. I guess it is just what you feel comfortable with.

My wedding is in Spain at a place that is very close to my heart. It was mine and my partners decision. We have explained there will be no hard feelings towards anyone who doesn't want to come / can't come for whatever reason. If you choose to get married abroad you have to expect people to say no and if you are ok with that then so should your guests.

Verix

fairy_lights wrote: »

I always give £20-30, and that's from me and my partner. Maybe it's a generational thing though, we're in our 20's and no-one has a huge amount of spare cash, from speaking to friends that seems to be the standard that we all give.
Weddings are expensive to attend - clothes, hotels, not to mention the cost of stag and hen do's. A gift is surely a token to let the couple know you're thinking of them, and want to contribute to their honeymoon/house fund or whatever, not an obligation.

I'm with you, we're in our 20's and the last few weddings we've been to have given personalised gifts or £30, but we havem't been super close to any of the recent weddings we've attended. We're also getting married in 3 weeks and totally appreciate the amount of hassle it is for family and friends to travel hours and book a hotel for the night. I genuinely don't think I'd begrudge any gift amount, or even no gift entirely, at least I hope I wouldn't.

Meepmeep

I'm just a tight !!! ��
I do understand why people might want to go abroad for a wedding, I really do. I love Spain. I think I'm just a bit p1ssy because, that's just me. And I happen to experience a few people who have high expectations of others when it comes to forking out.

I hope all those planning a wedding have a lovely day ��Xxx

SingleSue

I must be really tight, £20 would be my limit for close family, generally it would be a couple of bottles of wine though or something similar and for friends or extended family, it would be a small gift of less than £10.

The last wedding I attended I didn't actually give a gift, instead I organised it for them, did all the bridal favours, cake decoration, decorations for the house and a good part of the buffet....it was still less than £50, amazing what you can find on the internet when you are on a small budget and what you can make yourself. They went old school, own cars to the registry office, a dress from the charity shop, a suit borrowed from a friend and then back to mum and dad's for the reception which was bring a bottle and a plate of food (if you could). Party went on for hours with all the neighbours invited so no complaints and much fun was had by all.

At our wedding we had various gifts but at the time shops were doing those big boxes of glass sets that could be had for something really stupidly cheap...we got 6 boxes of those. Were we offended? Not on your nelly! We put some in the loft, opened a box up for our kitchen and re gifted a couple as money was a little tight. I have finally managed to go through the entire lot 26 years later.

We didn't expect gifts on our day, we just wanted friends and family to be with us to celebrate our wedding day and to have fun rather than worry about being seen giving the 'right' amount.

ceh209

I got married last year, very close friends and cousins generally gave around £50 with closer family giving more, but plenty of others gave around £20-30, and most evening guests gave £10 (such as my sports team where it's pretty standard when we go to each others weddings to contribute £10 each but do it as one gift so it seems like a lot more!).


And this was for one of your weddings where we 'spent a fortune' by this forum's standards, although that was our choice and we didn't get into any debt for it.

onlyroz

£30 for a friend. £50 for a close relative.