Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 2 - Groundhog Day

SpekySquarehead

Sorry to hear that you're not yourself. I'm not entirely sure what to say. I appreciate that time to yourself may well be the problem here and so this suggestion will probably be useless. However I found that some time (any time, 30 seconds or 30 minutes) of meditation can make me feel better.

The word meditation even puts me off, but download the free app called Calm. You just listen with your headphones on and focus on your breathing. Made a real big difference to me. It allowed me to collect my thoughts, calm down, focus, energise and be mindful. Nothing to lose.

Florence_J

I want you to give yourself credit for what you have achieved and for making a go of things and for trying and aiming and having goals.

I have severe anxiety issues as you know. Yesterday in my counselling session I was telling my counsellor that although I don't necessarily fear the future, I do see my future as being limited. This is because I've told myself I will never overcome my anxiety about learning to drive, I will never have a job role that requires responsibility or the management of people therefore my earning potential is limited and in all seriousness I told my counsellor I am wondering whether it would be responsible of me to ever have children considering my mental health problems.

So you definitely do not have enough hours in the day, you definitely do not have enough support, you are pushed to the limit and your mental health has suffered, but you are capable of achieving great things, you've achieved more in the last year than I at this moment in time can imagine achieving in my life time and so things are bad at the moment, but you do have it within you to survive and to fix the problem. X

crazy_cat_lady

Hi all :wave:
Thank you for your kind words - I'm thrilled to have made it to half term :j Still no sign of being able to get a doctor's appointment but I am trying to help myself a bit. I'm so very tired at the moment and feeling very unsupported in every area of my life. It's an awful long time since I can remember my own mental health being this bad - and I mean perhaps 10-15 years. I had started wondering if I was getting depressed, but it's definitely anxiety that's getting the better of me at the moment. My problem is that I care too much about everything. I'm a complete perfectionist, and I'd rather not do something at all than do something and get it wrong. I think I put a lot of pressure on myself - the stuff I did at work last week (3 people's jobs) I could have left but I didn't want to let the kids, or the Head down, so it was me that gave. I know that I've mentioned a career change before, but since the new Head arrived, I haven't felt so desperate as I did before to get out. I like him a lot, I like teaching a lot - it's all the other stuff that comes alongside it. Plus I don't honestly know what else I would do if I wasn't teaching. I love my subject but am 40 now so a bit old to be getting a decent science job elsewhere...
Anyway, no big decisions get made while I'm feeling like this. The b I t c h y voice in my head is giving me a very hard time and I need to sort that out first. I need this week to be as restful as possible and I need to start challenging myself a bit again. I've stopped going out because I'm worrying (other than work) so I've arranged to go out to a show tonight with bestie and see if I can manage that. I need to get back on track with healthy eating as that really helps as well. The sleep thing is a definitely a work in progress - I'm testing out a stress and sleep app for a company which I really hope will help. Meantime I need to just keep on going I suppose.

PurpleFairy26

Cat really didn't want to read and run and any suggestions seem a bit lame when you are time poor as you need time to do them all (exercise to help the endorphin's, walk in the countryside etc..)

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and understand how you feel. I can resonate with what you say (although my DH is very good and more than does his share at home) but I only do things if I do it well and get frustrated when i just have to juggle more and more balls at work. I'm going back tomorrow after a week away and am already dreading it, I've spent much of today working to 'catch up' and I can feel my anxiety building.

I do agree 'meditation' or mindfulness or whatever you want to call it does help as wise speky put it. Worth a shot I would say, even if it's just whilst your in the car waiting for one of the children to finish a club or for 1 minute before you rush round a supermarket.

Enjoy your week off.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey all :hello:
Oh dear me... I got stupidly drunk on Sunday night and have been paying for it ever since. I didn't feel as though I'd had a lot to drink - it was a brilliant night out through. I spent less than £40, including £15 on my share of the taxi home so I really can't have had a load to drink. However, I woke up at 4am Monday morning and spent the next 2 hours being sick and not being able to keep even sips of water down. Yesterday was a complete write off as I couldn't eat or drink, or take any headache tablets as they all made me sick. I slept on and off, and the kids pretty much saw to themselves. I managed to make myself go out to take ds to his swimming lesson for 6pm and do a little bit of grocery shopping, but I was still back in bed by 9 last night. I can't believe how sick I was from a few glasses of prosecco... I've managed to have a smoothie for breakfast today and keep it down, and I'm starting to feel really hungry now. I'm almost back to normal apart from the horrible muscular pain from being sick so many times. I don't deserve any sympathy at all as it was all self inflicted but I feel as though it wasn't a fair response to what I did
I've not been that productive, but a couple of days of being physically sick really has taken the focus off my mental health so I've not had time to be anxious and worry so much. I managed to get a big long list of things to do this week done and am starting to slowly work my way through it. I've done the shopping, minimal housework, a couple of hours of schoolwork, ordered cat litter, done some printing for school, tiny bit of crochet. I still need to go into Sunderland to pay a cheque into the bank but I need to feel better physically before I can psyche myself up for that. I need more rest before I can do a big city shopping trip. Plus I have lots of other smaller things on the list to do that will keep me occupied. And catching up on here was one of those things...

crazy_cat_lady

Hi everyone :wave:
Just making sure that I get back into the habit of a daily check in. It's been a busy one today, and quite productive I feel.
Took the kids out with me today so I could pay the cheque into the bank, but still forgot to go and look at new blinds for downstairs (which we are desperate for). We ended up at the Metrocentre, which I managed for 2 and a bit hours before I had to come home. Quite productive - got my bestie's and sister's Christmas presents so that can be ticked off the list. Also got myself and the kids some more new PJ's at Primarni, which I always seem to do when I'm there and dd did a bit of Christmas shopping for her friends as well. I was pleased I managed a couple of hours before getting too stressed to carry on...
Got home and did a bit of tidying up and putting rubbish out before sitting down to get my marking and planning for next week out of the way. That took hours but it's done now and I can have 4 more days off work without thinking about it.
Still not 100% physically - I'm aching from head to toe, but at least I'm still functioning. It even hurts to breathe at the moment.
So, I have crossed a lot of stuff off my list and made a bit of progress on Christmas shopping - that can only be a good thing.

crazy_cat_lady

Afternoon :coffee:
Not a deliberate, or stressed not posting - just been really busy the past couple of days, making lists and working my way through them. Plus I spent the whole of Thursday with a friend, catching up which was really lovely.
Then I did a nice big list of little jobs that I've been putting off for ages. I'm slowly working my way through them but without a lot of success so far... I need to sort out blinds for downstairs urgently, but can't get an appointment for someone to come and measure up. Just rang Sky to try and haggle my price but got absolutely nowhere.
I am also trying to finish some of my loads of work in progress for crochet. I have a lot of stuff that's nearly done but needing finished and then I put it away and start something else. As a result I have loads of nearly but not finished projects that I need to finish off and allocate as Christmas gifts.
Today is a PJ day. I slept badly, got up, showered and put a clean pair of PJ's on. I'm now working my way through a bit more of my list in between bits of crochet. Just need to head off to try and convince ds that he really does want to go and watch Sunderland lose at football again because he's in tears upstairs at the thought of having to go... wish me luck!

crazy_cat_lady

What a week! So very busy and really badly organised. Feel as though I'm really missing out but I'm just starting to panic that I'm not well organised for Christmas...

SpekySquarehead

Hey CCL - haven't forgotten about you, I've been a bit busy myself.

There is an enormous sense of satisfaction when you work your way through a list, so good on you for even having a list in the first place.

I think many of us MSE's are now into the mindset of budgeting and planning early for Christmas. I too get worked up knowing it's round the corner, but in comparison to others, we're very organised. My step-dad lives up to the stereotypical man and buys everything on Christmas eve. So from that standpoint, you're well ahead of the game and no need to panic.

crazy_cat_lady

Hey everyone :coffee: :hello:
I'm not sure what is wrong with me, and why I keep disappearing off the planet. I know I need to be lurking on here in order to keep on the straight and narrow financially, but I'm getting home in the evening and feeling too tired to even get my laptop out - then at the weekends I'm trying to make sure I rest a bit, so not getting the laptop out.
The past couple of weeks have been really busy and I'm so physically and mentally exhausted I'm finding it quite difficult to muster up the energy for anything much. I hate feeling so pointless but I'm just tired all of the time so when I do switch off then I just sit with my crochet watching the telly.
Lots has happened - too much to remember fully. Finally went to see the doctor about my mood, and have had my anxiety meds doubled. We'll see if that makes any difference - but I don't think that there's anything wrong that a week of sleep wouldn't fix. I'm currently using an app called Sleepio, which is helping a bit, but after 10 years plus of insomnia I have a bit of a way to go.
Work is busy, and hard - as usual we have staff off on the sick. One off on the sick and one on maternity leave. The kids have been quite hard work and there have been a few incidents. I feel as though I'm falling behind with everything there, and my to-do list never seems to get below 10 items.
Things also hit the fan at home a bit. It was such a tiny thing that finally broke me, but it dawned on me, that I just cannot help dh if he won't be helped - so why am I wasting my time trying? Everything I'd been keeping bottled up for fear of pushing him over the edge again came out and I told him that I needed help sometimes too, and that I'd finally realised that he will always just do what he wants, no matter what, so I'm not going to waste my time trying any more. It was awful for a couple of days, but then I felt so much better in myself. I love him to bits but I can't help him if he won't help himself. I need to stop doing stuff for him and leave him to start fending for himself a bit. It's hard work, but way less stressful than always panicking about stuff.
I'm still not very well organised for Christmas. I've bought a few bits, and made a few bits, but there's a bit of a way to go. I don't honestly like Christmas that much any more - I've had a couple of bad Christmas experiences in recent years so I don't associate it with being a joyous time, spent with family. Crikey - what a miserable so and so I am...:rotfl:
Right, I'm off to have a nosy around and catch up on diaries etc. Who knows when I'll be back on? I'd like to say tomorrow, but the truth is I don't know...