Money Moral Dilemma: Should we expect free childcare?

AylesburyDuck

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My sister-in-law and her husband have spent the last four years living almost rent-free at my in-laws, who also provided free childcare five days a week. My wife and I moved across the country thinking we'd get similar treatment, but we only get the odd half-day here and there. One of us has had to give up our job, and childcare is also more expensive here. Should we expect to be treated equally?

A/ You should have had that conversation with them before you moved.
B/ You can expect what you want, wether you'll get it is entirely different.

I suspect if in real life you are as your post comes across, IE self entitled, then perhaps this is why you are treated differently.
You reap what you sow.

Marvel1

If you can't handle childcare etc, then don't you shouldn't have had kids, but late now though.

No you shouldn't expect it.

Mojisola

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My sister-in-law and her husband have spent the last four years living almost rent-free at my in-laws, who also provided free childcare five days a week.

My wife and I moved across the country thinking we'd get similar treatment, but we only get the odd half-day here and there.

One of us has had to give up our job, and childcare is also more expensive here. Should we expect to be treated equally?

cjdavies wrote: »

If you can't handle childcare etc, then don't you shouldn't have had kids, but late now though.

They shouldn't have moved to a more expensive area expecting to get lots of free childcare without at least asking the parents whether they would be able (or willing) to do it!

The answer seems to be to move back to wherever they were living before so that they can both get back to work.

cardidai

Why should you or your sister-in-law expect free child care? We "Baby Boomers" did not expect it (and wives did work then). If you have kids it is YOUR responsibility to look after them. Most g-p's will be willing to step in to help, in emergency but if they have any sense they will not commit to be child-minders F.O.C. for 16 years or more.
Perhaps the in-laws were "once bitten twice shy"?

thorsoak

As the family of sister in law live with the grandparents, the grandparents will already have had more of an impact in the upbringing of these grandchildren.

The OP has moved his family "across the country" anticipating free childminding - but maybe this family's ideas on upbringing differ to those of the other family. In any case, why did it not occur to the OP that looking after more children than the grandparents have been so doing for the past four years would double the work on elderly people?

emidee

cjdavies wrote: »

If you can't handle childcare etc, then don't you shouldn't have had kids, but late now though.

No you shouldn't expect it.

cardidai wrote: »

Why should you or your sister-in-law expect free child care? We "Baby Boomers" did not expect it (and wives did work then). If you have kids it is YOUR responsibility to look after them. Most g-p's will be willing to step in to help, in emergency but if they have any sense they will not commit to be child-minders F.O.C. for 16 years or more.
Perhaps the in-laws were "once bitten twice shy"?

Things change......before my eldest was born, we had all 3 sets of grandparents (2 set were divorced & remarried) clamouring over babysitting.

Fast-forward 10 years, & things haven't worked out that way. 1 set of grandparents babysit for an afternoon every couple of weeks, 1 set do once in a blue moon when it suits them, & the other doesn't bother at all.

Now yes, it's their lives & that's fair enough I guess........ EXCEPT........ ALL of these grandparents had HUGE amounts of help when they themselves were parents of young children (I'm talking about their own parents switching to part-time work to take on 50% of childcare, or actually having grandchildren living with them for half the week, or providing a non-repayable 50% deposit for their children's family home, paying for the family to go on holiday every year, etc etc).

Given how much these people benefited so hugely from the help their own parents gave them, it hurts, and is incredibly unfair that they see no reason to help their own children out in a remotely similar fashion - or barely at all. It's not a case of not being able to......they simply don't want to.

Quite honestly, in my experience, the 'baby boomers' are the most selfish generation to ever have lived - took everything, pulled up the ladder behind them & gave nothing back.

Needless to say, I won't be following our parents' example when my own kids have children.........and I won't be washing my hands of them as soon as they get to 18!

thorsoak

emidee wrote: »

Things change......before my eldest was born, we had all 3 sets of grandparents (2 set were divorced & remarried) clamouring over babysitting.

Fast-forward 10 years, & things haven't worked out that way. 1 set of grandparents babysit for an afternoon every couple of weeks, 1 set do once in a blue moon when it suits them, & the other doesn't bother at all.

Now yes, it's their lives & that's fair enough I guess........ EXCEPT........ ALL of these grandparents had HUGE amounts of help when they themselves were parents of young children (I'm talking about their own parents switching to part-time work to take on 50% of childcare, or actually having grandchildren living with them for half the week, or providing a 50% deposit for a family home, paying for the family to go on holiday, etc etc).

Given how much these people benefited so hugely from the help their own parents gave them, it hurts, and is incredibly unfair that they see no reason to help their own children out in a remotely similar fashion. It's not a case of not being able to......they simply don't want to.

Quite honestly, in my experience, the 'baby boomers' are the most selfish generation to ever have lived - took everything, pulled up the ladder behind them & gave nothing back.

Needless to say, I won't be following our parents' example when my own kids have children.........and I won't be washing my hands of them as soon as they get to 18!

I take great offence at your statement - yes, we were lucky enough to live in the "golden age" - but we worked for what we had, we paid our way - and personally, we had no childcare help from grandparents - in fact we had to support OH's parents health-wise - his father was seriously injured fighting in WWII and had on-going health problems for the rest of his life, and his mother suffered blindness as a result of bomb blasts. Yes, we were lucky enough to have a mortgage (paying 15% interest at one time) but when OH had a serious accident we had no parents offering childcare, but we managed - and then helped all four of them go to uni and then onto the property ladder - partly by dint of taking advantage of the fact that the property market was high and we remortgaged - four times.

No, we didn't offer childcare to them - for a start, they now live abroad, and we considered ourselves lucky to be able to afford to fly to see them once a year.

Personally, I see people such as yourself as part of the "entitled" generation.

tallgirld

I don't think you should "expect" anything. But if it bothers you that much have a word with them.

Andypandyboy

I am not a boomer but close to it. Both sets of grandparents were happy to sit for a night out but both made it clear that the kids were our responsibility and that they would not be doing the day to day care whilst we worked. So, as was common one of us stayed home.

Then we ended up looking after them too, we were in fact the "sandwich" generation, young kids who needed care and aging parents who needed care. Not a great position to be in, but we did it gladly. Add into that high interest rates and the rosy picture you paint doesn't seem so great.

meknowalot-51

Let's get this straight,you moved your family across country to get free childcare without checking first?Clearly not a bright couple.Think of the grandparents,four years ago it may have sounded like a good idea and perhaps now they don't.As for you it's not all bad,the kids have mum or dad at home all day.The answer to your question is NO.