Money Moral Dilemma: Should we expect free childcare?

maz2702

I agree with a lot of points on here including that help should not be expected but I think they may all be missing one key point.

To compare - my sister and her husband both work earn over £100,000 plus income from rental properties.
My husband and I work and have a joint income of £38,000.
we all live within three streets of each other.
I have paid childcare (no we do not get tax credits) my sister has my parents after school five nights a week and three mornings a week for school run and one week end in four my parents take my sister's children for the weekend 'to give them a break'
Point is my sister has always been the spoilt demanding one and I never expected this situation to be otherwise HOWEVER....

We have to drive past my sisters house on the way to and from school (which is 12 miles away so no we can not walk) and my children see that Granny and Grandads car is outside. they know their cousins have regular sleepovers and they are left with the odd day in school holidays when my sister and her family have gone away on one of there many holidays.

As a result my young children see that their cousins are favoured, get a lot more time and treats. and Have seen times when I have asked them to babysit (eg my 10th wedding anniversary) and the response being 'i need to check with your sister first' - answer - no she has a team night out that night and her husband is out drinking with his mates....

Perhaps next time a Grandparent favours a child/grandchild they should think of the personal aspect of ALL their grandchildrens feelings.

crazycat472

This surely has got to be a wind up, no grandparent should be expected to take over the childcare duties of their sons or daughters.part of the responsibility of having children is that the parents bring them up and care for them, if they can't do that why have children in the first place. Children are for life, not just for coming home to after being at work.
Fair enough is a Grandparent offers to look after Grandchildren but no way should it be expected as Grandparents brought up their own children and deserve to enjoy there later years in peace.

pollypenny

If my grandsons lived nearby I would love to look after them for a couple if days a week.

However, whether that would be free is unclear. At present, DS and DIL pay a fortune for an excellent crèche at their work. They are both at the top of their careers, though and can afford it.

If we looked after the boys, on our pensions, covering costs would be fair, at least.

JP08

It maybe as simple as your kids being harder work that theirs !

I know for sure we'd look after one sister's three kids for a week, but would baulk at looking after another sisters two for a day. Even when first sister's kids were the same age as other sister's kids are now.

Neither set of kids are bad kids, just sister 2's are more active, less likely to play nicely together, more likely to accidentally break stuff (no, they are not destructive little whatnots, stuff just gets knocked more when they are about), and quite frankly more stubborn about trying to get their own ways.

.j.e.j

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My sister-in-law and her husband have spent the last four years living almost rent-free at my in-laws, who also provided free childcare five days a week. My wife and I moved across the country thinking we'd get similar treatment, but we only get the odd half-day here and there. One of us has had to give up our job, and childcare is also more expensive here. Should we expect to be treated equally?

Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

I might be wrong here, but I thought the Powers that Be had decreed that children have to be looked after by a registered childminder?

Anyway, taking this dilemma at face value, I can see your point of view but equally I can see theirs. They might not want to spend their retirement years providing free full-time childcare to ALL their grandchildren, now and in the future! My mum looked after my brother's 3 kids once a week, but I wouldn't expect her to do the same for me, necessarily, if I were to have children.

crmism

More fool the in-laws for saddling themselves with their grandchildren and for providing what appears to be rent-free accommodation.

Having a family brings with it a responsibility. If a couple have children, it is their responsibility to care for them and bring them up, no-one else's; if they don't want the responsibility, they shouldn't have them. They certainly shouldn't expect their parents to look after them. I call that sponging.

If you seriously find the cost of childcare too much, then one of you needs to give up work. That way, the one who stays at home will actually bond with the children, who must be quite confused as to who their parents actually are, and you will be better off financially. Time for you to set a few priorities, I think.

onomatopoeia99

No-one should expect grandparents to provide free childcare, but children should be treated equally by their parents. Favoritism is pretty poor parenting IMO.

Andypandyboy

Well, we do a lot for our kids but when we retire we want to spend the time together and not be tied down with ongoing childcare arrangements. That isn't to say we wouldn't love to do it as and when, or when they are really stuck, but not set days every week.

Kids do differ though and also grandparents age, what they can do for one set may change as they get older.

I think this "entitlement" or "expectation" culture is wrong. Parents deserve to have some leisure time when they have worked all their lives and much as most of us would love, or do love grandchildren we shouldn't be expected to take what amounts to a parental role. Been there, done that.

.j.e.j

Neoma wrote: »

Yes, you should!

A large proportion of the current pensioners owe their careers and houses to their parents and seem to believe they have no responsibility to pass that forward. The selfishness of some "entitled" baby boomers is staggering.

Popcorn at the ready..

They were a pretty lucky bunch, those born just after the war. But I don't begrudge them their good luck, and if I were born then I would also have enjoyed the free higher education, plentiful jobs, council housing, etc.

ziggy2004

It is not possible for parents to treat two different children exactly equal and often even in close families you will not have all the facts.

If this other family is living with the in-laws there will more than likely have been a good discussion about how this works and quite possibly there will be a good reason for it ( and it may not all be as lopsided as it seems)

I was in a situation where a possible job came up and as it would have involved needing childcare near my parents house I discussed the options with them. It ended up not being needed as the job was not right for me yet even at that early stage I made sure that I knew where I stood wrt them being able to help out or not ( would have been a combination of them looking after one of my children and being back up for when the child was at child care in my case)

Having free childcare could be amazing yet it is not a right