How to help a guy friend in a difficult relationship situation like this? Please help

missbiggles1

easilydistracted wrote: »

I'm in my 30s and would never consider dating someone who lived with a parent and probably wouldn't have done past about 21 or younger. I've probably got a bit of a skewed perspective on it as I left home at 16, but for me the situation is representative of a completely different lifestyle.

My partner lived with his mother for a couple of weeks while he relocated a significant distance, probably would have stayed longer if circumstances were different and has lived with her quite a bit of his adult life. Much as I love him, I wouldn't have got involved with him at that point, it would have just been completely alien to be staying in another adults house like we were teenagers. We now own a house together and I have a lovely relationship with his Mum who is fab, don't think we would have had that if I had to share her space.

The other thing is that for some men (and probably women) living with the parent is a bit like being an adult child, with their shopping and washing done and pants bought for them. I find that even more of a deal breaker. My OH was used to doing most of the stuff in the home when he lived with his Mum and is better at housekeeping than me and even irons well. So perhaps the extended period did him some good

His mother lives with him, he doesn't live with his mother - there's a big difference.

System

i think my situation is different from the OP as my bf lives with both his parents at their house,but its never bothered me. I get on great with them, we pretty much have free reign over the house when they;re at work/in bed, i get meals cooked, washing done and we still have plenty of.....erm..."couples time". But i guess in my situation i know its not forever. We will get our own place once debts are payed off and deposits saved.

Its sounds like with the Op's friend, there doesn't seem to be that option. her living there seems a lot more permanent and she seems very reliant on him and maybe thats what puts women off?

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

His mother lives with him, he doesn't live with his mother.

...and has done all his life.

Hmm.

kitrat

yvonne13 wrote: »

If your friend wants to keep the living arrangements the same then he's going to have to accept that two adult females can't live under the same roof.

This did make me giggle. It's like housing pet hamsters, it's not possible to keep two peacefully in the same environment! They'll both fight for territory :rotfl:

easilydistracted

missbiggles1 wrote: »

His mother lives with him, he doesn't live with his mother - there's a big difference.

Not for me. Practical outcome is still the same, can't look someone in the eye over the breakfast table if you've been doing the do with their son, can't wander round in your pants or looking like a state, can't use the kitchen or facilities as you please and have to mind your Ps and qs all the time. Now I whilst I spend very little time swinging from the chandeliers swearing like a trooper, I still like the idea of being able to do so when I can :rotfl: it won't be a deal breaker for everyone but there are probably a lot of people like me who just have it as an absolute rule. I have friends who do the online dating thing and would automatically exclude anyone who lives in the same home as a parent, whichever way round you see it.

yvonne13_2

OP is your friend still living with his mum?

Out,_Vile_Jelly

There are plenty of ways in which an adult can share housing with their parents and retain an independent lifestyle, but if potential girlfriends are being put off I'm guessing it's the mother/son relationship that's an issue.

I know someone who went out with an only child, the classic Mummy's Boy. Despite being well educated, well travelled, a high earner etc they still took their washing home for Mummy to sort out, and ate out every night as they couldn't cook. My friend was in perpetual competition with Mummy, who of course always knew best and had to be consulted about everything, including where they went on holiday. There are very few women who can put up with this for any length of time.

Grenage

missbiggles1 wrote: »

His mother lives with him, he doesn't live with his mother - there's a big difference.

That's the thing, from the perspective of most - there isn't.

It might not bother some people, but I wouldn't want to date someone in that position - not unless they were the perfect partner.