Primary School Says I am Totally Wrong About them Not Meeting My Son's Needs

Mojisola

Firetastic wrote: »

For example 5*5 = 25. Great but do you understand that it is just 5+5+5+5+5. If you can't actually apply it in real life then it is pointless learning it off by heart.

Of course, it's best if children learn to do both but, in real life, it's far more useful to know by rote that that 5 x 5 = 25 than have the understanding but have to work out the answer each time.

Caroline_a

deannatrois wrote: »

8 days of school to go. He's been diverted by the 'sex ed' classes they had today so no problems with school today lol.

Have to say that he can't pick and choose when he goes to school, based on what subjects are on offer that day!

Children have to learn that there are lots of things in life that we wouldn't necessarily chose to do, but still have to do it. Work, cleaning, budgeting, etc. I don't mean to be hard but maybe you have been a little lenient on him. Does he want you to be fined? Does he understand the ramifications if he doesn't go? What does he want to do when he leaves school, and is that an option if he drops out of school, because that is what he appears to be doing.

I feel for you, as it's hard when kids are growing up. However, I think that you need to step up with some tough love, for his sake.

theoretica

Mojisola wrote: »

Of course, it's best if children learn to do both but, in real life, it's far more useful to know by rote that that 5 x 5 = 25 than have the understanding but have to work out the answer each time.

Really? When were you last asked 5 x 5 in as many words? In real life I am far more likely to have 5 different things I am buying at £4.99 each and you need the understanding to realise that this calls for 5 x 5.

susancs

deannatrois wrote: »

Just had a reply to my email and someone will go with me, next meeting in October.

Glad you got some good news.

[Deleted User]

Caroline_a wrote: »

Have to say that he can't pick and choose when he goes to school, based on what subjects are on offer that day!

Children have to learn that there are lots of things in life that we wouldn't necessarily chose to do, but still have to do it. Work, cleaning, budgeting, etc. I don't mean to be hard but maybe you have been a little lenient on him. Does he want you to be fined? Does he understand the ramifications if he doesn't go? What does he want to do when he leaves school, and is that an option if he drops out of school, because that is what he appears to be doing.

I feel for you, as it's hard when kids are growing up. However, I think that you need to step up with some tough love, for his sake.

<sigh> Here we go again.

The problem is I can't really show on here the work I do to get him to go into school. I'm not perfect.., but its a juggling act, I don't just turn over and say 'ok, my son can't be bothered to go to school because its french today.., that's fine'. The school could help as well.

What do you mean by tough love? I already refuse to reward him staying at home by taking away all the things he likes doing. I can't physically drag him in, its a 30 minute walk. But I do work on him to get him to agree to go in. Its not like he's been off for weeks or months at a time. I never stop working on getting him back to school. I'm even paying for some extra lessons for him because I'm hoping a more positive learning experience will help, as will more confidence in his skills (which I hope will improve with the extra help).

You really aren't seeing that the school could be doing more. Its a known thing with ASD that untimetabled days are an issue, that was what I was commenting on above. Its yet another time the school just aren't meeting his needs. But he IS still going in. I make him. UNLESS there is something that needs to be sorted at the school. And there has been.

And yes he is aware there are penalties that could be incurred if he doesn't go in. But all this is changing his personality, he's feeling powerless and guilty so i do have to be careful. People don't see that is important too.

At the moment I am dealing with my younger son's hayfever and it turns out he has got asthma as well (coughing at night) after all. My father's 84, has Parkinsons and I visited today to find he'd fallen. Not hurt himself thank goodness. Obviously trying to support him whilst encouraging independence and he's a stubborn old goat (mean affectionately), won't use his walking frame. I'm an hour and a half travelling time from him. He didn't use his alarm, just lucky I turned up. His wife of nearly 50 years died two weeks ago. So funeral last week. Took my sons to Lakeside for my younger son's first tutorial and got a phone call to say my older son's father was admitted to hospital, transferred to a Neuro ward because he collapsed and fractured his skull in three places (he's 150 miles away). So my older son (who has ASD more severely and has some issues with his Dad anyway, but we're working through them) was having issues because of that, not knowing if we should rush there or not and what do I do about my younger son and school if we do go? How do I pay for all the travelling costs of seeing my Dad and taking my older son to Brum? I've just paid for the tutorials lol.

And I finally got the other half of my furniture out of storage after many arrangements that have broken down, did it with help of my ex who I'm not always on good terms with on the cheap and discovered all the screws to put the flat packs together have been lost. I have bits of shelving/wardrobes all over the place (I have to be honest, would have been better just burning the lot I now realise). Social worker turned up while I was in Essex with my father wanting to see me and younger son - no specific idea why and if there's a further problem. So I'll be up all night trying to organise the place again, she'll be round again today. Its a bit of a mess right now, I have to be honest.

I must admit this isn't normal even for me.., but I AM doing my best.

Detroit

Does your son know how you feel about the school?
If so, then I think it may be helpful to try to disguise this.

If he's aware that you think the school is ineffective, he's going to be influenced by this. You're the person he trusts most, and if you don't think much of the place, why should he?
Knowing his mom isn't confident in the place she's sending him each day may add to any nervousness or sence of disengagement he feels.

I'm sure you're not overt about your opinions, but it's the subtle things they pick up on, for example, counting the days till he breaks up.

I hope you won't see this as blaming you for the problem, but there's so much in this situation that's out of your control, it can be helpful to focus on the few things that are within your power, and being positive to your son about school is one of them.

If you're doing this already, then great. I wish you all the best in resolving this.

[Deleted User]

I agree with what you say Detroit.. but after five years we are both aware the school has broken many agreements. If I say the school is perfect my son can and will blame himself. I can't have that either. I hope that makes sense. Its always a bit more complicated than it seems.

I have an older son who's 20 with ASD, who had terrible problems in school from bullying (strangled twice by another pupil, called a retard daily til he started calling himself a retard and in spite of my best efforts it has affected his confidence in himself enormously, teachers who thought they could change his behaviour - nothing violent or aggressive, just not quite 'right' by laughing at it which caused him to be wide open to bullying, and of course, he was told constantly that it was his fault he didn't 'fit in').

I can't have a second son thinking that he's unhappy at school because of something about him.., not again. He's already changing and losing confidence. Just like my older son did.

I don't think people see the other side of things. I understand but I'm piggy in the middle here. Trying to do the right thing by everyone while dealing with or stopping damage to my son.

Is it so wrong to ask for some sensitivity and understanding from a school? No one expects perfect.., but surely there's better.

missbiggles1

theoretica wrote: »

Really? When were you last asked 5 x 5 in as many words? In real life I am far more likely to have 5 different things I am buying at £4.99 each and you need the understanding to realise that this calls for 5 x 5.

The understanding is pretty obvious. Do you really want people to be adding up £4.99+£4.99+£4.99+£4.99+£4.99 when they could do (5x£5) - 5p?

[Deleted User]

Missbiggles and theoretica.., do you two need a room for your discussion lol?

[Deleted User]

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