Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pursue money owed by an ex?

SandraDJ

The 'dilemma' isn't exactly clear. Maybe the submitter lent the partner money to buy something big like a car. It's difficult to comment without knowing the full story.

Tigsteroonie

Sounds like you can afford to move on without repayment (otherwise you wouldn't have let them run up such a 'debt' in the first place) - so do just that, move on and be grateful that this person is no longer in your life.

Teacher2

You should most definitely pursue money owed to you but if there wasn't an agreement or contract on paper you could take to a third party for arbitration you might well lose out.

£10,000 is an awful lot to pay for a lesson in being sceptical and distrustful but it might be the making of you.

In future, take Polonius' advice:

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry."

Polonius means that loans fracture friendship as a loan causes an unequal balance of power in a relationship and, therefore, resentment on one side or another. Additionally, lending disrupts the lender's finances.

It seems to me that in this case your friend was being duplicitous. Ending the relationship and then refusing to pay money owed sounds very fishy.

You are clearly a generous and kind person and, in today's 'giving' world this is praised and valued. However, it isn't necessarily sensible. It doesn't make you mean not to lend, merely prudent.

I don't lend anyone anything, I give instead as it saves me upset when people renege on their agreements. And I only give to those I like and trust. I am not known as a 'lovely' person but I can live with that.

TBagpuss

As others have said, it depends a lot on what the arrangmetns were. If it was that you paid a higher share of putgoigns on the property, then you are going to struggle to argue that they should now pay thae diferenfe back.

If you loaned them money for specific purchases like a car, and they were making regualar payments , then (particualrly if they made the paymentsdirectly into your bank accoutn) you have good evidence of the fact that you both saw it as a loan and that would make it easier to pursue.

However, if they are saying that they can't afford it then another option would befor you to ofer to discuss it and to agree a level of repayments which they can afford, even if this mean that they pay less per week/month than they were doing when the two of you were together.

You say your ex 'kept track of' what they owed you. Did they give or send you anything in writing setting out the debt> IF so, then obviously you have a better chance of being anle to persue it.

However, morally, think about whether youshould. You say that you paid more but that *they* kept track. WWhen you were together, did you see it as a a loan or wre you happy to support them? If you were willing to support them based on your higher income then treat anything they gave you up to now as a bonus - you didn't want or expect it in the first place, and let that go.

stmartinsdiver

'They kept track of money they owed me and made regular payments to me, as my salary was higher than theirs and they wanted to pay me back'.
As another contributor has said this sounds like a gradual build up of the 'debt' rather than a one-off loan being given. If this is the case then you'll have to forget it even if you were paying more than your share. If it was a one-off single payment loan however, then you should definately pursue repayment - assuming you can prove the money was lent in the first place of course

popadom

I thought if you had proof that they had tried to pay it back- it's a loan not a gift.

ShinySnail

Sounds a bit of a dodgy one?
Maybe there were specific circumstances in which the money was lent to justify repayment... but in my eyes, relationships should be 50/50


If you stayed together how much more 'debt' would amass over the years and what's the reality of getting that back, really?


Could explain why the relationship is no more?

maggieizzard

Your former partner has acknowledged that the money in question was a loan, and has done this by making some repayments. This proves that there was a contract between you and therefore you can pursue monies owed.

Written proof of the loan agreement (signed by both of you) would be helpful, so too would bank statements which could show proof of repayments made to you in the past.

If repayments were made in cash, did you issue receipts and keep copies and could you obtain your partner's bank details to show cash withdrawals for the repayments?

Loan agreements should show: the amount of the loan and the repayment terms (how much each month is to be repaid, method of repayment e.g. cheque/bank transfer, the date by which the total loan should be repaid, and any interest). They should be in writing and signed by both lender and borrower.

Make your request for repayment in writing, email or text and you MUST keep copies and proof of posting. Give a date by which full repayment must be made. If your former partner does not comply, there's always Judge Rinder's programme (ITV). Good luck.

gaving7095

Oooh, that's unfortunate.
I assume that pursuing the debt would involve litigation (thus, further expense) and that proving the amount of outstanding debt may be very difficult.
So, I think I'd treat it as a learning experience & move on :-(

tallgirld

That's and expensive lesson.


Been there done that. Now I keep all my money in the bank and plead poverty!!