Money Moral Dilemma: Should I pursue money owed by an ex?

happyinflorida

What was the money for?

Was the £10K lent in one fell swoop or did you keep on lending? If the latter, why did you keep lending?

What are their finances now? As they've split up from you, has their outgoings increased due to now having to pay whole of mortgage/rent, bills etc?

Are they being taken on foreign holidays by someone else and therefore not actually paying for them?

Far too much information is not known here and without more info I cannot give a full answer.

mcmanlyn

An expensive lesson I learned about 10 years ago. I paid my exes rent, loan payments, overdraft, gave him money to pay bills...he took it & p*ssed it up a wall without me knowing...( yes love really is blind & stupid )

All this went onto my ever increasing credit cards - finally took a £9k loan out to consolidate them all, I reckon about £2-3k of that was mine alone.

We split soon after this - took me years to pay off & my credit file was damaged for soooo long. But I did it, all by myself. Didn't ask him for a penny - didn't want anything else to do with him, clean break, out of my life!

It might not be the best solution for everyone but it certainly was for me, had we stayed in touch for repayments I'd have taken longer to move on & might have even given in to his pathetic pleas to get back together :eek::eek:

I'm much more sensible with my money & my love these days

jhw280289

I'm pretty sure if you have proof of repayments this is proof that it was a loan and not a gift and that this was agreed by the other party by them repaying. It's called intention to create legal relations, if you don't have an actual contract it can come in very handy. Proof of the repayments on bank statements will also help. With all of this you can take him to court for the money.

meknowalot-51

From what you've said your ex split with you suddenly and since then you've been lending the ex and his/her new partner loads of money.WHY?...Also for how long,not enough info for my liking.Stop moaning about them going on holidays as they've most probably found some muppet to "loan" them some money.(ring any bells).As for you getting anything back,the chances are fairly slim.Go through texts and emails to see if the debt has been acknowledged in any way,if it has go see a solicitor for legal advice.Even if you win a case it doesn't mean your going to get any money back.This is a lot of money to most of us,your either a high earner or someone desperately trying to buy anothers affection.Maybe it's time to wake up?

gloriouslyhappy

meknowalot-51 wrote: »

From what you've said your ex split with you suddenly and since then you've been lending the ex and his/her new partner loads of money.WHY?...

No, OP said: 'My partner of five years suddenly split up with me. During the relationship they kept track of money they owed me and made regular payments to me'. There is nothing to say OP kept lending money after the relationship ended.

But I agree, there is way too little info to go on. However, £10,000 is a great deal of money, how on earth did the loan(s) get to such a big total? If there's a real person behind this, perhaps they could post some more.

AnneMary

Forget it, forgive them, move on. If you don't, the acrimonious end to your relationship will sour the good times I presume you had. Yes, its rubbish if you were dumped but thinking THEY split up from you and now OUGHT to pay is going to do you more harm and cause you more angst. You must have loved him/her and were happy to subsidise them in the good times.

tgroom57

You've had a lucky escape - this person cannot manage money. I expect they'll have borrowed from other sources and you will be one of many they owe money to. I wouldn't bother pursuing for this amount - you've already saved on the cost of a divorce.

marich

If you want to hang around the same spot fruitlessly for a couple more years then kid yourself you can do something about this .

Is the money so important to you , or are you looking to punish the OP ?

The easiest thing is to walk away - forget it . You say you earn good , so just get on with it - put it behind you , walk light , walk on - don't look back .

Kynthia

udanoka_bolokov wrote: »

If I've understood it correctly, a sum of money was loaned to the now-ex, and she was paying it back a certain amount per month. There's still £10k left to pay, but she's now saying she can't pay you any more back?

If you can prove it was a loan and not a gift, you can probably pursue her through the courts if you want to.

Where did you get the fact the ex is female from? It's a bit sexist if you're making the assumption based on the ex being the lower earner.

jackyann

When/if you are next in a relationship, either find someone earning the same as you - or agree that all of your activities will be determined by the low earner.
If that is your partner, then there are lots of people on here to advise you on how to holiday cheaply - you'll even be able to save some money!
If it's you, tell your new love that you are not going with them on the holiday they want as you can't afford it.