Did life change much after marriage?

Andrew_Ryan_89

Pollycat wrote: »

No difference at all.
But we had been living together for a couple of years.
And we had a very quiet wedding, no 'fuss and palaver'.

After reading one of your posts on another thread about some of the things you were thinking of having at your wedding, I'd read the post below:

True, but what the girl wants the girl gets. I am fully aware of spending money on a wedding which is essentially -

• Buying dinner for other people. A lot of which you won't really know
• Buying/renting clothes you'll only wear for one day and not even the entire day
• Spending a mini fortune on decorating and food just to impress other people

If it was entirely up to me, would have done it at a registry office and finished at a decent restaurant with everyone chipping in the bill. Fiance wants the fancy wedding dress, the drapes, lighting and that memorable experience.

Firstly, I love her enough to do it. Secondly I am sensible enough to have our priorities in order (making sure we had a house first) and lastly, I have to recognise that not everybody is a moody (sensible) !!!!!!! like me who doesn't get a kick out of these things. The £10k I am spending on this wedding, to be honest, I probably would have spent on a car I don't need or home improvement which will simply come at a latter stage.

I am fortunate than I am relatively young (27) and can recoup the money spent in less than a year.

warehouse

Yes things changed. I was vaguely aware of these small people that kept appearing in the house and growing. I found my money disappearing and the house filling up with electronic devices. Then these, (now big), people left and I met my wife all over again.

It's a journey, enjoy it all.

catkins

Me and OH didn't live together before we married and had only known each other for 5 months so, yes, things did change. It was all good though.

I liked the fact that we hadn't lived together and so started married life as a completely "new" life. I do know a couple of people who said they felt very down or even depressed after their wedding and honeymoon just because everything was just the same and they, for some reason, expected things to be different, not better just different!

arbrighton

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

What both puzzled me and annoyed me after getting married was the constant question of "so how's married life then?"....erm, exactly the same as it was before we were married! We were living together before hand, so things just carried on exactly the same as they always did.

This, completely!

We had our first wedding anniversary yesterday (ok, not much celebrating as husband was ill) but it's not really any different to the previous 5 years where we'd lived together. We had been together 10 years just after the wedding. Day to day though, it's just a contract to continue how we were, albeit with a bit more certainty re next of kin/ will etc
while I decided to be a bit traditional and change my name, I've found it a hassle to sort out all the myriad things and to be honest, still don't know who Mrs X is half the time!

arbrighton

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

True, but what the girl wants the girl gets. I am fully aware of spending money on a wedding which is essentially -

• Buying dinner for other people. A lot of which you won't really know
• Buying/renting clothes you'll only wear for one day and not even the entire day
• Spending a mini fortune on decorating and food just to impress other people

Dinner for other people- well one or both of us knew them really well. We didn't invite the great and the good.

Clothes- I bought a dress (under £300) that is technically not a wedding dress and have already worn it again at a suitable occasion, he's worn his new suit to another wedding also.

We didn't do anything to impress other people. Merely made sure they were comfortable helping to celebrate with us

Dill

I can't speak from experience, but I would think you'd feel more like a family than if you were just shacking up together. As Torry Quine said, it's not the wedding that's important, it's the marriage.

Faith177

As others have said nothing really changed we had been together coming up for 5 years when we tied the knot. We had lived together for 4ish years though OH was working 200 miles away from the August before our wedding in the April to the day before our 1 year anniversary (it was only meant to be 6 months!!!)

It was more of an adjustment when he moved back then when we married we had become very different people living apart and had different ways of doing things that took some adjustment.

However I do feel more secure having done the deed and feel we are more in it together now we are married. It doesn't feel as easy to walk away when the going gets tough (and they really have) but we stick by each other and work through it. Maybe we would always have been like this even without getting married but it feels like we probably try more because we are if that makes sense

tatabubbly

I definitely feel things have shifted a little since I got married - I feel a lot more content in my heart about our relationship and I know hubby has mentioned how happy he is to call me his wife. We've been together for nearly 9 years, married for nearly one and it's a subtle but nice feeling.

We didn't have any debt from our wedding, mainly as we had saved and paid off everything before we got married. We did spend quite a bit but we could comfortably afford it and I don't have any regrets. We are saving for our first home now and hopefully we will be able to buy somewhere outright before hubby is 35 as we don't want a mortgage.

Having said that, we are having a baby in the next month so it could all go tits up!

Pearl_Necklace

Most people don't bother getting married these days, even if they've got kids together, which is a shame.

lisa110rry

I have a feeling what I'm about to say may "put the cat among the pigeons" in light of recent events...but please bear in mind we are now six months from our 39th wedding anniversary...

Yes, it changed everything for me! I was no longer under threat of deportation (one month and ten days left of my visa at the time).

I was 21 when I came to this country, I had already been proposed to by my British subject husband whom I had known of the existence of all my life, though I had not grown up in the same country as him, and when I came through immigration and was asked the reason for my visit I said "to get married". Well, it was 1977 and I was just 21.

For the avoidance of doubt, this was by no means an arranged marriage.

The basis of my big mistake was not getting a visa before coming to the UK, but all previous visits had been as a minor in the care of my British subject mother - suddenly I was on my own as an adult without a UK passport!

I was permitted three months and later Geoff Rooker MP (now Lord Rooker) got me a further three month extension, but still my mother could not attend.