Did life change much after marriage?

Mayflower10cat

Even after eight years of living together, it took a wedding certificate before my old fashioned parents would give us the 2nd bedroom with the double bed, as opposed to the little box room (single bed) and a sofa bed downstairs...!!! We've been married for 23 years now, (so over 30 years together) yet we still get asked, how long have you been married? as opposed to, how long have you been together?! I've even had friends celebrating their silver wedding anniversary saying to us, not long now then!


So, as far as my family were concerned (and some of our friends!!) we were only a 'Proper Couple' after we got married.


I worked as a Customer Services Manager for some years and dealt with complaints that were escalated to me as more serious or too angry for the team to deal with. When I had an especially nasty complainant they'd say to me, how should I refer to you when I write in (as well, sigh!) ..? I used to take great delight in saying;- "to you, I am Mrs Lloyd, but you can call me Madam......"

PeacefulWaters

Yes.

The warm and affectionate woman I married became cold, unaffected, easily offended and distant.

It took me over 20 years to deal with it.

Atomix

In terms of how your life will change...

Having kids is way, way, way up there, x1000 times more - will change your life, as opposed to getting married... Just my 2p.

Kynthia

Generally your life and relationship doesn't change. You aren't going to magically become happier or fix any things tgat aren't working. You're still going to love the same things about each other and be driven mad by each others annoying habits. However subtly there is a difference. There was a security, a permanence there that hadn't been there before. A bond knowing that we were husband and wife, a legal couple that couldn't just split up after a bad row. Something gradually changes when you are each other's next of kin, and I found I went to my mum less for advice or news and I became happier about pooling all our money and supporting each other financially. They were subtle and perhaps some of them would have happened if we'd bought a property together or had a baby together without getting married. However I doubt all of them would have as the commitment of marriage was important to me, but I also think it made doing these things easier as we had already made that big commitment.

Torry_Quine

It changed totally as we didn't live together beforehand so had the excitement of learning and growing together. It's the marriage that's important not the wedding.

Georgiegirl256

What both puzzled me and annoyed me after getting married was the constant question of "so how's married life then?"....erm, exactly the same as it was before we were married! We were living together before hand, so things just carried on exactly the same as they always did.

Pollycat

No difference at all.
But we had been living together for a couple of years.
And we had a very quiet wedding, no 'fuss and palaver'.

After reading one of your posts on another thread about some of the things you were thinking of having at your wedding, I'd read the post below:

Bouncybubbles wrote: »

Not at all to be honest. We were together for 9 years and had lived together for 7 prior to our marriage and now looking back at the enormous cost and subsequent debt was it worth it? not really no.

When questioned our guests mentioned either one of two things the speeches and the food. that was all.

They did not notice the thousands spent on little touches that were discarded the next day, they did not notice the hours spent meticulously planning every detail.

My £1800 dress??? in the attic in a bin bag awaiting the day I can afford to get it dry cleaned. That was 10 months ago.

I am not bitter and I truly love my husband however I genuinely wish we had not spent so much and ended up in debt

pollypenny

Bouncybubbles wrote: »

Not at all to be honest. We were together for 9 years and had lived together for 7 prior to our marriage and now looking back at the enormous cost and subsequent debt was it worth it? not really no.

When questioned our guests mentioned either one of two things the speeches and the food. that was all.

They did not notice the thousands spent on little touches that were discarded the next day, they did not notice the hours spent meticulously planning every detail.

My £1800 dress??? in the attic in a bin bag awaiting the day I can afford to get it dry cleaned. That was 10 months ago.

I am not bitter and I truly love my husband however I genuinely wish we had not spent so much and ended up in debt

B

That's nothing to do with being married, though. That's from making a big thing of a wedding.

SeanG79

First marriage - Everything changed after marriage and not for the better

Second marriage - Nothing changed at all.

So I guess it depends on the relationship and the person you are with.

Pollycat

pollypenny wrote: »

B

That's nothing to do with being married, though. That's from making a big thing of a wedding.

I wonder how many people regret the extravagant expense when the 'big day' is over.