Rant - Jealousy.

Loz01

OP I'm in similar position, 29 and nearly all of my friends have bought a house, most of them have had 10/20 grand from their parents whereas my mum is a single disabled pensioner lol, but I'm happy that when I do buy a house it'll be through my hard work!

pollyanna24

Sounds like a case of "The grass is greener..."

I have things that I can see people would aspire to, as in I own my own home (through sheer hard work I might add, no handouts here), but at the same time, I am a single mum to small little girls.

I could sit here and go, Oh woe is me, but I try and look at the positives in everything. I don't have a man, have a few prospects of finding one if I'm that way inclined, but I do have my children and my home.

I don't have loads of money and I struggle to get by and I could look at my brother who has been given a lot by his wife's family, but then they have issues of their own.

Just be happy with your lot... and if you're not happy, then change it. No one will change it for you!

KxMx

Also OP since this is a money saving website, you may be able to find ways to save even more for a house deposit.

I'm on £102 ESA a week.

I started doing proper budgeting & spending diaries last year.

If you'd asked me then, could I do more to save, I'd have said no way, I'm getting the most out of my money now.

However, when I started doing those things properly, it's clear I can do more, and indeed have done to save and better allocate my money towards my priorities.

It may help to give up & cut down on more (and yes I know that sucks in our situation) to get that house deposit balance rising.

Izzy8484

Time for your partner to step up if you can't work. I come from a bad upbringing, alcoholic father who now has a terminal illness and growing up with my single mother as my parents split up when I was young.

I worked myself up from assistant to middle management (I dropped out of uni). I am now trying to move up to director level by actively going to interviews.

This is all so I can get a mortgage.

I have friends that have parents handing them money but I know that my life is not like this and never will be.

Also I know that I am proud of what I have achieved so far and no one can take that away from me.

Peter333

I don't know why the OP - and also many posters on here - are making out the key to being a success in life, is having a mortgage!

OP, you don't have to OWN a property/have a mortgage. It doesn't make you a better or more successful person in life, just because you're a 'homeowner.' Go on the housing list for a social housing property. Many people live in social housing quite happily for years; for life even. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you're not some kind of failure if you do it.

Indeed, some people I know in social housing have far more disposable income than many people who are buying their home. They also have many more holidays, newer cars, more presentable homes, more nights out, less stress, and a LOT less debt!

A home that you 'own' can be a money pit, and if you have only one salary, you could find yourself in the mire if costly repairs rear their ugly head. You will never stop spending on a property of your own, so if you have limited income, having a mortgaged property may not be the best idea!

Another thing is that just because some people appear to have a wonderful, blessed life, that doesn't mean that they DO have a wonderful, blessed life. It just means that they don't whine and whinge and complain about every last thing.

It can be very annoying and frustrating to see people being given handouts by parents, when you're struggling to make ends meet, and to raise a deposit for a house, but the thing is to forget about them, and make the best of what you've got.

I remember someone I know being really hacked off because someone they knew had made £50K on a right to buy, rented privately for 2 years, and then walked into a long-term, low-rent opportunity, where you can rent cheaply and have an option to buy part of the property. 'Talk about things falling into your lap!' she said. 'She has £50K in her pocket, and then walks into along term rental with an indefinite tenancy! While me and my husband and kids are stuck on the social housing list.' This lady and her husband couldn't do the same as you had to have the ability to get a mortgage and have more than £20K joint income, but less than £40K.'

Fastforward three years. Most of the £50K had been squandered on crap, the rent that was £450 a month for a 4 bed house had raised to £650 a month, and the lady I know had been offered a 3 bed housing association home in a village, with a tenancy for life, with a very affordable rent of £385 a month!

Now five years later, my friend has a wonderful life in her little village, her kids are flourishing at the local rural school, her husband has a job at a local farm, and they have several hundred surplus income every month. The other woman's rent is now £800 a month, the £50K has gone, and she has £30K worth of loans. She also has no chance of buying any of the property now, as she is in too much debt and the value of the home is too high.

So things turned around 100%, and I strongly suspect that the woman my friend was jealous of, is jealous of HER now.

So don't feel too blue or too down... Just remember things will get better.

And don't rule out social housing...... Living in it is nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not all subsidised by taxpayers as some people would have you believe; in fact much of it is not!

skint_chick

Someone, somewhere is always going to appear on the surface to have a better deal than you. What you do have is parents who love you and a partner who is saving hard to get you both a home. That seems pretty great to me, and once you have a home together it will be all the more special. In the meantime you should focus on what you can do - can you save a little of your ESA to be able to buy things like a kettle/toaster when you do get a place?


Maybe you should also consider what you can do to make your life feel more meaningful - maybe you can't work but perhaps you could do some sort of volunteering - either for a charity for your illness, something online, or a local organisation that you have an interest in. Life and happiness is not all about money, you will be contributing to the household in different ways, I'm sure if your partner thought you weren't a team he wouldn't be in the relationship!


Also on a side note I have two serious autoimmune disorders that have caused me to make some life changes over the last few years - something that has helped the most is changing my diet to follow the autoimmune protocol - you might want to have a google and read in case it might help you in some way

heavenfire

My mum was able to help me buy my own place because my dad passed away when I was young. I would give all the money I had in the world to have him back.

I have had some so called friends tell me how "lucky" I am to be able to afford to buy somewhere. I know they think I'm spoilt because my mum gave me my deposit. I don't feel that lucky when I see them with both of their parents. Everyone gets jealous of others sometimes but it's about appreciating who and what you have in life and putting it into perspective. We each have our own back stories and even those who look like they have it easy probably don't.

missbiggles1

Peter333 wrote: »

I don't know why the OP - and also many posters on here - are making out the key to being a success in life, is having a mortgage!

OP, you don't have to OWN a property/have a mortgage. It doesn't make you a better or more successful person in life, just because you're a 'homeowner.' Go on the housing list for a social housing property. Many people live in social housing quite happily for years; for life even. It's nothing to be ashamed of, and you're not some kind of failure if you do it.

Indeed, some people I know in social housing have far more disposable income than many people who are buying their home. They also have many more holidays, newer cars, more presentable homes, more nights out, less stress, and a LOT less debt!

A home that you 'own' can be a money pit, and if you have only one salary, you could find yourself in the mire if costly repairs rear their ugly head. You will never stop spending on a property of your own, so if you have limited income, having a mortgaged property may not be the best idea!

Another thing is that just because some people appear to have a wonderful, blessed life, that doesn't mean that they DO have a wonderful, blessed life. It just means that they don't whine and whinge and complain about every last thing.

It can be very annoying and frustrating to see people being given handouts by parents, when you're struggling to make ends meet, and to raise a deposit for a house, but the thing is to forget about them, and make the best of what you've got.

I remember someone I know being really hacked off because someone they knew had made £50K on a right to buy, rented privately for 2 years, and then walked into a long-term, low-rent opportunity, where you can rent cheaply and have an option to buy part of the property. 'Talk about things falling into your lap!' she said. 'She has £50K in her pocket, and then walks into along term rental with an indefinite tenancy! While me and my husband and kids are stuck on the social housing list.' This lady and her husband couldn't do the same as you had to have the ability to get a mortgage and have more than £20K joint income, but less than £40K.'

Fastforward three years. Most of the £50K had been squandered on crap, the rent that was £450 a month for a 4 bed house had raised to £650 a month, and the lady I know had been offered a 3 bed housing association home in a village, with a tenancy for life, with a very affordable rent of £385 a month!

Now five years later, my friend has a wonderful life in her little village, her kids are flourishing at the local rural school, her husband has a job at a local farm, and they have several hundred surplus income every month. The other woman's rent is now £800 a month, the £50K has gone, and she has £30K worth of loans. She also has no chance of buying any of the property now, as she is in too much debt and the value of the home is too high.

So things turned around 100%, and I strongly suspect that the woman my friend was jealous of, is jealous of HER now.

So don't feel too blue or too down... Just remember things will get better.

And don't rule out social housing...... Living in it is nothing to be ashamed of, and it's not all subsidised by taxpayers as some people would have you believe; in fact much of it is not!

There's certainly nothing to be ashamed of living in social housing but, in many areas of the country, the OP has very little chance of being allocated it.

Spendless

It seems to be more common to hear of the current younger generation being given financial help towards buying a house. It wasn't anything I'd ever come across when I and other family and friends were buying theirs.

Meanwhile, you saying you are doing everything towards saving for a house deposit. Does that include you both having a help to buy isa

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/savings/help-to-buy-ISA

Marvel1

Returntosender wrote: »

All around us, are our friends are settling down. They're being given houses to live in, flats to rent or large amounts of money for their house deposits.

While, for the most part, I'm happy for them, I can't help but feel incredibly jealous of their situations and I'm starting to feel hopeless that we'll ever be able to afford to live together.

We're doing everything we can to save for a deposit but it'll be another 12-18 months before we can start looking at buying something together (when I say together, he'll be paying the mortgage as I cannot work).

I would not feel jealous as you say they did not do this themselves and when you do it's much more satisfying.