Wife who treats money like monopoly money

Kynthia

Include her in the organising of your finances. Sit down together and do a budget with your income, breakdown of expenses, pensions, savings etc. Chat about what your savings goals are, things you'd like to buy, retirement goals, future money for your children, etc. Then discuss together how much you should be putting away for these things, how to increase your income, what balance you want with quality of life now, and what spending money you want for treats and socialising. This is obviously done over months rather than one conversation, but by regularly sitting down to do some of this along with the normal bill paying she'll hopefully be involved and decode herself where she wants more of your money to be going.

Beckyy

Tell her you're worried about people taking advantage of the money she works to earn, set a goal for something maybe - saving for a big holiday or something for the home etc. and include her in the budgeting/planning so she has a bit more of an awareness of what that money could achieve for you as a family.

If you're okay financially I wouldn't be massively concerned but it would be irritating.

BarryBlue

My ex-wife was rather like the OP's wife. She spent money without regard to whether we could afford it or not. Much of what she would buy was senseless extravagance that in those days we could not afford.

I tried all sorts of tactics to rein in her spending. Eventually I discovered the solution. I made her my ex-wife.:whistle:

indiepanda

bertiebb wrote: »

All money goes into one account. She takes no interest whatsoever. I sort out all the bills etc. Most of the time she asks if we can afford something (i.e. big purchase).

That sounds rather infantile on her part, surely all adults should have an understanding of their own finances? How would she cope if anything happened to you? I wonder if the reason your wife treats money like it's monopoly money is because she doesn't understand how high the bills are?

Even if the bills are easily covered, there's your retirement to think of (most people don't seem to get just how much you need to save to have even a modest income in retirement) and maybe saving for the children's future. I was lucky - went to university in a day when modest grants existed, there were no tuition fees and 100% mortgages on a cheap house a few years post graduation were a possibility. Your children could face £50k of debt to go to university if they decided to go there, and will have to save at least 10% of the value of their first (and much more expensive) home to get on the housing ladder.

I am the first to admit I am comfortably off financially and more than a little frivolous with my money - but it is mine alone, no husband/partner and no kids relying on me. I feel ashamed enough of my frivolity despite that, I know I couldn't spend someone else's earnings like that.

Does she end up wasting (in your view) so much that she isn't paying her fair share off the bills / necessary outgoings like food? (I would consider fair to be if she earns a quarter of what you do post tax that she should cover 20% and you the other 80%).

bertiebb_2

tanith wrote: »

Have you even talked to her and explained how you feel? £20 to a niece isn't excessive but maybe you could just ask her to be more careful when dipping her hand in her pocket when out with friends and let everyone pay their share.

many times :-(

bertiebb_2

Kynthia wrote: »

Include her in the organising of your finances. Sit down together and do a budget with your income, breakdown of expenses, pensions, savings etc. Chat about what your savings goals are, things you'd like to buy, retirement goals, future money for your children, etc. Then discuss together how much you should be putting away for these things, how to increase your income, what balance you want with quality of life now, and what spending money you want for treats and socialising. This is obviously done over months rather than one conversation, but by regularly sitting down to do some of this along with the normal bill paying she'll hopefully be involved and decode herself where she wants more of your money to be going.

Tried and tried and tried. Not interested.

jackieblack

Well somebody needs to be the adult and take control of the finances and if she's not going to.............


If it were me I would set budgets (preferably with her agreement) and give each of you an appropriate amount each week/month for spending as and how you each choose. If she chooses to blow hers 'being generous' that'll be her choice.


(I spent 23 years married to someone who had no financial sense at all and was simply not interested and left everything to me to sort out, it created a drip, drip, drip effect of resentment that ended up being a major contributory factor in the breakdown of our marriage.)

bertiebb_2

I dont think of it as MY money. Its all ours. We've never split it like that.

In the past, shes never taken an interest and been happy to let me lead to a certain extent. Its just last few years she been worse at just spending. I've tried and tried to explain that wasting £10-£20 a day adds up to a LOT of money.

I'm just sick of being the family members etc who always have to pay. Its getting like that. The others know how to play the game. It seems to be a game to be the most skint one in the family (or at least tell everyone else you are).

I just think sometimes, don't always be the one who pays, play the game like the rest of them. Know full well that some of them are better off than us as well.

The £20 thing annoyed me a bit. I know its not the nieces fault but I know 1000% there is no way her dad would have given our son more than a £1 if it were reversed. And hes not short of money at all.

And yes I do contract work. There are times when I wont have work and we'll have to rely on savings. I know, full well, if and when this happens family will be disappear...

Its nice that wife is so generous sometimes but I just hate the way she gets played sometimes.

jackieblack

bertiebb wrote: »

I dont think of it as MY money. Its all ours. We've never split it like that.

In the past, shes never taken an interest and been happy to let me lead to a certain extent. Its just last few years she been worse at just spending. I've tried and tried to explain that wasting £10-£20 a day adds up to a LOT of money.

It's not about being 'yours' or 'hers' though, it's about you each having a certain amount that you can spend as you like without any criticism or resentment from the other.

bertiebb wrote: »

I'm just sick of being the family members etc who always have to pay. Its getting like that. The others know how to play the game. It seems to be a game to be the most skint one in the family (or at least tell everyone else you are).

I just think sometimes, don't always be the one who pays, play the game like the rest of them. Know full well that some of them are better off than us as well.

The £20 thing annoyed me a bit. I know its not the nieces fault but I know 1000% there is no way her dad would have given our son more than a £1 if it were reversed. And hes not short of money at all.

And yes I do contract work. There are times when I wont have work and we'll have to rely on savings. I know, full well, if and when this happens family will be disappear...

Its nice that wife is so generous sometimes but I just hate the way she gets played sometimes.

You can't change or control her personality or how she is with her family, you can only control and/or change how you deal with it.

TBagpuss

Ithink one thing you could look at is agreeing with your wife to reorganise your finaces, perhaps have a jpint account into which both of you pay your wages, and whuich you use for bills (including any regualr savigns, pensions for you both etc) and each hae a separate, individual account.

You could agree that a fixed amount will be transferred from the joint account to each of your sole accoutns, and you can then each use the 'sole account' money as you want.

This may help in wo ways - you may find it less irritating if your wife is spending her personal spending money rather than joint money, and she may find it easier to see how much she is spending and decide whether it is worth it to her.

If it is members of her own family who you feel take advantage of her it may, as a previous poter, relate to feeling of low self esteem and needing to 'nuy' favour, or it may reflect periods in the past where she feels that she was the one getting support nad that she now enjoys being able to 'pay it forward' or to be in the position of giving rather than taking.

If you agree between youselves about what type of expentidure will come out of the joint account then you don't have to have the conversation every time - if it is 'meal out with family' then it could be that you agree that if you *jointly * agree to go, then the cost of *your* family meal will come out of the joint account, but if either of you wants to treat another family member that coms out of your personal spending stash, for instance. Equally you could agree that goftds for family birthdays / christmas come out of the joint account but that you will agree on how much you will spend for any one person, additional gifts come out of your separate spending money, and so on.

Obviously the two of you would need to discuss what falls into each category, but if you agree in advance then you are less likely to be caught 'on the hop' with a specifc request.