Wife who treats money like monopoly money

HappyMJ

If you're sorting out the bills then pay more off the bills so there is less play money.

Increase your pension contributions so you take home less money but still keep some back for the future.

If there's money in the bank most people will think it's there to be spent so give the money a purpose.

Increase the mortgage payments to pay the mortgage off sooner.

Set up a regular savings account and when that account matures make an overpayment on the mortgage.

It's shared money but you will need to discuss it with her to reign in the spending but if you can't prove why it needs to be reduced you'll find it difficult to win the discussion.

Verix

I agree with above poster - if you're being sensible by paying more off your mortgage, putting more in your pension pot or squirreling a bit away in a savings account every month I can't see any scenario in which she would be upset.

Also, on the two examples you've given I don't think she sounds excessive but of course they may have just not been brilliant examples.

mikeeboy

I have a similar situation but I have separate bank accounts. I pay all the bills plus the holidays and have plenty left over (now). She earns a decent wage but lives month to month. I'm not sure where it all goes really but any family under 18 do get spoilt.

I think we would probably be better off if she had a better mentality towards money but ... hey ho.

FBaby

So she sees being generous as part of your agreed budget, clearly you don't after a certain limit.

Surely this is something you need to discuss, not in terms of you saying you don't think it is right that she should hand over £20 to a family member, but in terms of mutual agreement of what your intentions are in regards to your budget.

You say you should be saving more, do you have a particular aim for saving more? I'm totally with you on a matter of principle, I dislike people who think that just because they have the money (or more often their partner do), it is ok to waste it, which is often seen as a luxury to be able to do so.

However, in your case, it might be that being generous is how your wife is and being able to help friends and family is not a waste, nor a mean to impress with her money but a sincere wish to help those who don't have that luxury of not having to be careful with their disposable income.

Happytravelling

I don't think its fair for her to be using most of what she earns on these kind of things. If both parties are earning, both should share the burden of mortgage, bills and household expenses. Me and hubby have always had the same amount of 'frivolous money'- to spend how we wish and without having to explain. We've jointly decided how to spend the rest.

I wouldn't feel like I was playing my part in the relationship if I was working fewer hours but not actively thinking about how I spent money when someone else was covering the majority of the bills.

I think you should discuss it with her- although I'd be frustrated if I were you, there could be things that you spend money on that she might think is a waste and therefore a good reason to use the money in what she wants to, if you see what I mean...

[Deleted User]

I think I'd prefer my wife was being kind and generous with my/her money than blowing it on luxury goods...

LilElvis

ringo_24601 wrote: »

I think I'd prefer my wife was being kind and generous with my/her money than blowing it on luxury goods...

Perhaps the OP would prefer she blew the money on luxury goods for their immediate family rather than treat a gaggle of her girlfriends to a slap up lunch.

Her generosity might not come from innate kindness of nature but rather from lack of self esteem - "buying" friends and impressing family with her conspicuous wealth.

[Deleted User]

LilElvis wrote: »

Perhaps the OP would prefer she blew the money on luxury goods for their immediate family rather than treat a gaggle of her girlfriends to a slap up lunch.

Her generosity might not come from innate kindness of nature but rather from lack of self esteem - "buying" friends and impressing family with her conspicuous wealth.

My sister in law use to spend money to 'punish' her husband - who was notoriously tight with money, went through her credit card bills checking what she spent - but would spend a fortune on gadgets for himself. She also looked after their 2 young kids while he traveled a lot.

She's probably enjoyed being generous, but let it go on for too long and now family members expect it.

pollypenny

Giving £20 to a niece who's going on holiday is one thing. However, for the nephew to ask is a cheek, especially as it sounds as if he works.

POPPYOSCAR

LilElvis wrote: »

Perhaps the OP would prefer she blew the money on luxury goods for their immediate family rather than treat a gaggle of her girlfriends to a slap up lunch.

Her generosity might not come from innate kindness of nature but rather from lack of self esteem - "buying" friends and impressing family with her conspicuous wealth.

I was thinking the same thing.


I have a family member like this but they do not spoil their family only their friends and even people they do not know that well.