Husband off sick and no sick pay. Ideas needed to survive it

Spendless

QueenBeruthiel wrote: »

Trying to get my head around this. So £250 is for a 4 week month? £62.5 per week? For two days per week, of which the government pays for 15 hours? And then on a 5 week month they charge, not £312, but £350?

You might want to challenge this (in a non-confrontational way).

Low income parents can get additional help via their local councils, so contact them and enquire.

10 years ago, my DD's nursery did it in exactly the same way. You get funding 3 times a year the term after a child's 3rd birthday. From memory the funding is for around 38 weeks per year, because it is for nursery education rather than childcare (though many parents, me included use it reduce costs) so it's in line with how long a school is open for. When you get the funding, that lasts for 4 months, so the nursery took the whole amount and divided it by 4 and knocked that amount off the monthly bill, in this case it looks like they've also worked out the monthly fee evenly.

My son's nursery didn't use to do it this way. They used to say that they had funded (term-time) and non-funded (school hols) weeks so each month you might have expensive and cheap weeks within it.

crazy_cat_lady

Just to back up the OP re the nursery issue. It would be non negotiable with me too. Severe depression is a completely debilitating illness and looking after a pre-schooler is really hard work. There have been days in the past where my dh hasn't been able to even get out of bed, never mind anything else. It's also really hard work living with someone with depression, and as far as the kids are concerned, old or young, they need a break from the situation, as does mum. As I already mentioned, my HV thought continuing nursery was so important that she arranged for funding to help pay for it while my dh was ill. I don't consider the childcare a luxury here - it's a necessity for the OP to continue to work and for everyone to get a bit of a break/rest.

determined_new_ms

Hi op - sorry to hear that things are a struggle for you guys right now.

I definitely think you can reduce your grocery budget quite a lot and also investigating a mortgage holiday is a great idea too which would see you over a short period of lower income.

Do you live in an area where you could host foreign students over the summer? It can be a bit of a pain but pays fairly well if you can put up with it.

I also want to give my 2 pence worth on the childcare issue. I totally agree you are doing the right thing in terms of your little one if you can avoid stopping the nursery. Last year I lost my job suddenly and my mum died on the same day. I have a daughter with a serious mental health problem and after many years of stress we took over custody of her daughter in 2014 when she was 11 months. On the day in June last year when I lost my job I fell to pieces, after years of extreme stress I just couldn't take anymore and I was out of work for 5 months and then worked a few minimum wage jobs for another 6 months.

It was a struggle financially but absolutely the right thing in terms of quality of care for lo. I was very conscious that at times due to how I was feeling I wasn't giving her the quality care she deserved on the days I had her - I was distracted by my own thoughts, had a lower tolerance to stress, was snappy with her, I shouted at her one day (potty training struggles got the better of me one day). Over that first 5 months there were even days when I sent her in additional sessions as I knew it was better for her than to be with me.

I agree that children do cope with what life throws at them, but it can have an impact on their neurological development. Loosing attachments can have a profound impact on children and then coupled with having a depressed caregiver has the potential to have long term consequences. These were our thoughts in terms of our little one and we decided it was better to keep her there a couple of days, allow me that time to recuperate and rest.I definitely think we made the right decision

Happier_Me

Hi OP

Definitely ask your health visitor for help with childcare fees, not done this myself so have no direct experience but it's worth a try.

If this fails though it would be worth checking out other options. Is there a cheaper alternative that would work for you? I moved my 3 year old to a school nursery with onsite wraparound care and eventually managed to use the free 15 hours over two full days and one half so he was at home with me on my days off. It worked brilliantly and saved me a small fortune compared to the private nursery he was in before.

It's worth a look even if it's a deadend, at least you can be absolutely certain you can't make a saving here.

missbiggles1

Spendless wrote: »

I think this is what you need to get your head round. Your situation has changed from what is was a few weeks ago, though this is probably temporary you don't know how long for. Speak to your mortgage provider, mine once let me pay half for 6 months, the tip about paying interest only for the next few payments is good. Are you entitled to tax credits, even if not usually, let them know your reduced income and see if that makes any difference.

At 3 your child doesn't need to go to a local fete. Take a ball and a picnic to the park instead. Call in a budget supermarket/Iceland on your way home and buy a cheap pack of lollies, or tub of ice cream and pack of cornets and have one when you get back if it's a hot day.

I've been shopping at Aldi for around a year now, yes it's cheap, there's the odd thing you can't get. Certainly you can buy veggies and tins and make your own meals, but if you're asking if they do the full range of Quorn meals available in Sainsburys, then the answer is no. Whether you prefer Aldi or Lidl, will be down to your local store.

No reason not to go to the local fete, that's probably free - just don't buy the ice cream.

missbiggles1

Persephone_Mulberry wrote: »

Thank you. It's a great idea and I am going to investigate. We're going to try and make some room in our shed for storage!

Make sure it's vermin proof first!

suki1964

Shopping bill can be slashed by half at least

I shop in lidl ( no Aldi in this country) and average around £30 a week

Every week they do a selection of fruit and veg for 39p and no matter what it is, it goes in my basket, I will use it somehow, some way. I then go see what meat they have on special and that's next in the basket. Then into the reduced section to see if there's anything there ( they only reduce by 30% so not always a good deal) then I top up with what I need to make those meals and the extra fruit and veg, dairy and deli bits

Lidl do a huge range of gluten free, but not ready meals. So yes it's time to scratch cook, which in itself will save you loads and will be much healthier for you all

Their own brands are comparable to the big names, and indeed in some cases much nicer. Not just food and drink, but toiletries and household items. For example I've bought a deoderant for 99p which is working as well and if not better, then the dove £5 one

Oh and their mock magnums are fantastic. 12 mini ones for less then £2. Just big enough for a luxury treat without being so big that you feel you really shouldn't Lollies, own brand Mars, snickers etc, all excellent value and quality so you can have a treat without breaking the bank

Their baking selection is also improving and I always get good results using their flour

theruffles

I've been where you are, though we don't have any children. My husband was diagnosed with severe depression about two years ago and he was signed off work. He got SSP and when that came to an end, he was able to receive ESA at about £70 a week. It's not much but it does help a little.

I was earning around the same as you are now, but the realisation that, essentially, it was all on me to sort the bills, food, etc, and it felt like quite a daunting task. It is difficult to get your head around, that the things you may have previously taken for granted (the fun day outs, minor treats here and there) are now essentially 'not in the budget'. What helped me was the understanding that my way of thinking about it had to change. A 'woe is me' approach wasn't going to help us, so I had to look, like you, for the things we could control and change to off-set the loss of half of our monthly income.

If you have things lying around at home you don't want, try selling them on ebay, Facebook or doing a car boot sale. I had a lot of success with selling books and DVDs we didn't want on a site called webuybooks. You'll be surprised by how many free days out there are - your local museum, art gallery or park. Look for free open days and take a picnic. It doesn't need to feel restrictive!

I had to find a new job in the end because it was obvious our income had to increase as our spending had already been cut as much as we could. Is this an option you could consider?

Speaking from my experience, it may be a long-haul scenario. My husband was off work for 8 months and in the end we decided it was best to have a fresh start and he handed his notice in. He didn't go back to work until the start of this year and he's now somewhere p/t with a nicer atmosphere and less stress. Accept that you may have days where you really resent it - that's okay, but realise that the next day may be easier for you to manage. For us, I think it's something that may always be present in our lives and there may be future episodes where depression means he can't go to work, but you've just got to do the best you can. I know it's not easy and it may seem like a huge hill to climb at the moment, but once you're on the other side and he's at a place where it feels a little easier, you'll realise how strong you are and how much you can manage

missbiggles1

Persephone_Mulberry wrote: »

Well ok. I however know the rate for nurseries around here, know my husband can't act as a full time parent when he is home from work with severe depression and know my daughter.

So I would think it quite reasonable to expect people to accept my judgment on this area - I'm not here saying I am a financial idiot, I'm looking for help with an unexpected, severe financial issue. I kind of assumed if I know some things are not negotiable that might be accepted, rather than well, people telling me I am wrong!

He wouldn't need to as you're only part time yourself. If he's going to carry on looking after her for one day a week (I think you said), is it really so different for him to look after her for three?

Toomuchdebt

missbiggles1 wrote: »

He wouldn't need to as you're only part time yourself. If he's going to carry on looking after her for one day a week (I think you said), is it really so different for him to look after her for three?

It can be different. I've had depression in the past (22 years ago)and I found that looking after my daughter who was 18 months at the time was fine for a day but by day 3 I would be feeling worse and worse(my then husband was working full time) and by the end of the week I would barely cope and often wouldn't even get dressed. Other weeks I would cope all week. I struggled on for 14 months before it got better, and ended up spending a lot of time at friend's houses just so I wouldn't be at home alone.