Husband off sick and no sick pay. Ideas needed to survive it

janb5

Have you considered getting a water meter which would reduce your water bill considerably?

Persephone_Mulberry

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

Jack Monroe is vegan now so I'm sure that there will be loads of stuff on their blog that is suitable for you food wise. (cookingonabootstrap.com)
I am the wife trying to hold the household together with a depressed husband. In the past 8 years he's had 3 extended periods of sick leave on SSP (8 months, 5 months, and 6 months) - the most recent of which was up until March this year. The first time, I tried to carry on as normal and ran up a load of debt on overdrafts and credit cards. Second time, we were on a dmp so payments were reduced for a while. The most recent time I budgeted hard, finished paying the dmp and haven't ran up any more debt at all. It's hard work, but I did Christmas, hospital stays etc on the reduced income. And that included free range eggs and meat from the butchers...
As others have said, you have to plan. If it's boring meals for the foreseeable future then that's what it is. And sorry, but if you have no money then you need to make the most of iPlayer/DVDs etc. I got absolutely nothing present wise for Christmas last year, but I did get him home on the day which was worth more than anything in the world to me and our kids. You can't afford your entertainment and present budget at the moment. Put it on hold until he's better - that's more important. I'm sure you won't mind, and if you reassure him then he won't feel bad either. And for what it's worth, I would keep childcare going if you can - if things are looking difficult then contact your health visitor - there may be funding available for nursery to help you out while he's ill.
I just showed my dh your post and asked for his ideas. He says it's such an individual thing when someone is depressed, but it could be a long haul. Don't expect too much too soon.

Thank you for this, it's really useful and appreciated. Definitely re meals and also entertainment, I am busily making lists of all the things that are on weekends at the moment!

The health visitor idea is also great, I will contact the nice one! I agree though re keeping nursery going and we will.

Persephone_Mulberry

cms-help wrote: »

If your daughter is 3 then she is entitled to 15 free hours of childcare each week (term time only). If she's only attending for 2 days a week then most of her time there should be free?

That amount is with the free hours taken into account. They averaged it for us so we pay the same amount each month rather than £250 on short months, £350 on long.

Persephone_Mulberry

janb5 wrote: »

Have you considered getting a water meter which would reduce your water bill considerably?

I always worry about them, we do lots of washing and have a bath instead of a shower...

Persephone_Mulberry

Crazy_cat_lady, can i ask, how was your husband's work with all that time off? It does worry me.

crazy_cat_lady

Feel free to PM any time if you want or need to. It's a long road and there will be good days and completely hopeless days. If you can, try not to take his mood personally, it's taken me an awful long time to come to terms with that.

crazy_cat_lady

Persephone_Mulberry wrote: »

Crazy_cat_lady, can i ask, how was your husband's work with all that time off? It does worry me.

The first 2 times he was off he worked for a big company and they referred him to their HR and occupational health to see if there was anything they could do to help. They did stay in touch, but ultimately he had a sicknote from the doctor and depression is an illness. They did phased return/part time for him once he was ready to go back.
He now works for a small, family run company. They haven't followed all of the rules in terms of keeping in touch, but I think they've wanted to help rather than interfere. Once he was ready to go back to work they took him back on 4 hours a day. Then his hours completely changed from 8-6 to 12-8, which suits him better in terms of the fact that he tends to feel better as the day goes on. I've found them to be really brilliant and supportive.
The irony is that he's off again at the moment - not depression but a broken ankle. It is what it is - they might attendance monitor for a while but there are laws and legal rights and it's a long road into losing jobs etc.
If I were you, just keep his work updated occasionally with progress, and when he's a bit better, the pair of you should discuss a way forward in terms of his work - whether that's reduced hours, changed times, work from home or whatever.

cms-help

Persephone_Mulberry wrote: »

That amount is with the free hours taken into account. They averaged it for us so we pay the same amount each month rather than £250 on short months, £350 on long.

Wow, that's an expensive nursery then. I thought ours was bad at £35 per day but you seem be paying over £50 for just a few hours a week.

Dird

bouncydog1 wrote: »

Maybe - but I'd sooner do without eggs than eat those from chickens consigned to a life of misery!

Tastes exactly the same. Your clothes & phone were probably made using child labour

the_alchemist

Hi there - I'm coeliac and vegetarian, and I've found I could cut grocery spend by eating almost entirely vegan at home.

I get my protein from tinned pulses and dried soya chunks, plus occasional cheap cheese, I get my carbs mostly from rice, with occasional gluten free bread/pasta etc., and I eat a lot of vegetables - whatever's cheap.

Even organic eggs aren't really great welfare-wise, and as others have pointed out they're expensive.

Plus the water from tins of pulses can be used to replace eggs in baking. Google 'aquafaba' if you're interested - there are plenty of gluten free recipes.