Joined 31.05.16

Poor_Single_lady

Spent £28 at lunch. It was great but goodness that is a lot. Paid the electrician so now in the ovedraft but its temporary.
I think you might be right Hannah. I will need to try and be mega strict with myself and put the money somewhere where I can get it but where I wont spend it.
Hanging on till payday. Then sitting tight in october. Home tonight, I need to have a few more nights at home like this.

Poor_Single_lady

Very honest post tonight. Very cross with myself recently. Not sure what is wrong with me or when I will ever learn. Need to sort this out or choose poverty forever. I keep making bad choices and struggling. From here on in i am being so hard on myself because I can't seem to understand any other way.

Things that are not essential
Pub
Lunches out
Expensive beauty products
Take away coffee
Online gambling
Clothes that don't get worn
Junk foods
Jeans 1 size too small
Books that wont get read
Cook books
More bed sheets
Champagne

I really need to reign in the spending or I am going to go bust. Quite cross with myself recently.
I feel like i make bad choices and choose to fail. Heartily sick of living like this.

I think one of my problems or causes is that right now I have more friends than I have ever had in my entire life. When i was a teenager I had very few close friends and my parents used to worry it wasn't enough or wasn't "normal" to not have a massive circle. Both my parents are hugely social and belong to multiple extensive massive social networks. I feel this constant pressure to maintain friendships which normally means spending vast amounts of money in london.

I think even trying my hardest to limit socialness still throws up more than I can comfortably afford. I don't know what the answer is here. I am naturally quite reclusive and would happily spend all my free time with solo activities but the world does not allow this. I cant cut people off especially people who have supported me through previous dark days or who i am close to or who i just couldn't live without. But as a mass its just not going to work.

All of my friends seem to have reasons of why they need me around. I don't know. I suppose just need to work at it or moniter closely.

There are things that are essential
Christmas presents
Birthday presents
Work clothes
Food
Travel to work
All bills
Cinema
House needs
Limited essential toiletries
Specific clothes
Some limited socialising

I should have gone food shopping tonight but instead was in the pub because i seem to be very stupid and can't understand that spending money means that you have no money. Sometimes i think i am utterly stupid. I would love to fast forward to march 2017 amd see how it all looks. Part of me thinks i wouldn't want to know. But I bet bottom dollar i look back at Sept 2016 and tell myself that i was a waste of space for not getting more of a grip on the spending.

I am disappointed at the moment but i am learning and trying hard. Payday is 27th. I am hopeful for minimal spending, minimal invites and minimal drama. Low key days at home getting things sorted and reading books. Might try turning my phone off, a tip from my parents about escaping the modern world. It goes against everything we know but i can see this tiny action making a massive difference.

hannahroberts1985

Morning PSL,

Sorry to hear your feeling a bit down by it all. It's bound to happen now and then we've all finally admitted how silly we've been with money in the past. It's annoying thinking if we'd of lived within our means in the first place we'd be alright now but we need to have a few years of underspending to compensate to couple of years overspending. It's only short term to get us back on track then we can spend our money guilt free. I'm sure not many people in the UK are really in this position.

As far as your friends are conserned you say you need to keep them as they've been there through thick and thin. We'll this is another testing time and if they are really your friends and you have explained how important this is to you they will be happy with seeing you under cheaper circumstances and enjoy your company rather than your company when your spending money. I'm sure there are so many free things to visit in London. Or you could have friends over for movie and take away nights etc. it's all just about them taking you seriously and changing the habits you've got into as friends.

I hope you have a good weekend. Xxx

enthusiasticsaver

I have just read your diary PSL and can see you are struggling with your debt at the moment. I used to be a debt counsellor and I can see that budgeting is a new skill for you and at the moment you seem to be fire fighting a bit which is understandable. You sound down at times and often say you are tired and irritable with friends and family which are classic signs of debt and depression. Please take the following suggestions into account but it is your debt and you are the one living with it so I understand if you do not want to act on any of it.

First stop using credit cards. The ones you have are not going to stay at 0% forever and it is tempting when you do not have enough money to do some of the things you consider essential you put money on there so the payments you make are undone and prolong your potential debt free date.

Secondly build up an emergency fund which I note you have done on the advice of Ramblehan. This is for real emergencies like your electrician bill you had a week or so ago.

Prioritise your discretionary expenditure. You paid out £250 for exams but mention you are considering changing jobs. Were the exams essential for your career?

You live in London which means high housing costs, high social spending, high commuting costs and although your salary is decent you are spending half of it in covering mortgage, management fees, travel costs and utilities and council tax. That is expenditure you have no say over. That means after paying your credit cards your disposable income is much reduced. You are writing a very honest and detailed spending diary but not adding up the totals so you are not recording total spends on food, entertainment, beauty treatments. How about doing a spreadsheet in which the hard numbers are put down and added up so you can see if you are spending £100 on coffees over the month which could go on repaying debt instead. You do need a life but I think you would be happier if you felt more in control over your finances.

Well done though on realising you are reaching a critical point and trying to do something about it. I presume staying in London is a priority for you? Does your job depend on that or do you have family close by which you do not want to leave? You obviously have friends but some of them do not really seem very supportive so I wonder if moving to a cheaper area where the mortgage and commuting costs are not so high would be an option. Do you have lots of equity in your flat?

enthusiasticsaver

hannahroberts1985 wrote: »

Morning PSL,

Sorry to hear your feeling a bit down by it all. It's bound to happen now and then we've all finally admitted how silly we've been with money in the past. It's annoying thinking if we'd of lived within our means in the first place we'd be alright now but we need to have a few years of underspending to compensate to couple of years overspending. It's only short term to get us back on track then we can spend our money guilt free. I'm sure not many people in the UK are really in this position.

As far as your friends are conserned you say you need to keep them as they've been there through thick and thin. We'll this is another testing time and if they are really your friends and you have explained how important this is to you they will be happy with seeing you under cheaper circumstances and enjoy your company rather than your company when your spending money. I'm sure there are so many free things to visit in London. Or you could have friends over for movie and take away nights etc. it's all just about them taking you seriously and changing the habits you've got into as friends.

I hope you have a good weekend. Xxx

Hannah is completely right. What is more important, your own peace of mind in knowing you are in control of your debt or the feelings of so called friends encouraging you to save when they know you are in trouble. If they are really friends they would be encouraging cheaper activities. Picnics in the park, in London you are spoilt for this. Museums which are free if you do not pay the over inflated caf! prices. Art exhibitions, walks by the river with say one drink (within budget) at the end.

Poor_Single_lady

Hi Enthusiastic Saver. Thank you for your help. To answer some of your points -
Im not sure the irritableness is down to the debt, I think that could just be my personality. Or the commute and not sleeping enough, working long hours, work frustrations and struggles and studying. I don't think that is solely the bank accounts fault. There is a lot going on right now.

I don't actually live in london, i do work in london and travel in so i have really done what you think I should have done. This was one of ny better decisions.

I will stop using my cards in march after I pay off my loan. Right now its a necessary evil that allows me to eat, get to work, dress for work and run my flat. Im march all these things move to bank account.

I am adding up the totals but it doesnt always make for great reading and I dont think it would be helpful to post that here. Its something which i am struggling with offline and learning from.

Spent £10 lidl today. Its a study weekend so met friend for coffee earlier, seeing parents tommorow and studying tonight. In for rest of day. Much needed, low spend tommorow then just a week to payday. Then loan reducing and will need to look at payment to 4th credit card. Going out wednesday next week and sat 24th but nothing else planned and both low spends. Once payday is here will be looking to end of month and into October. This is the month when travel stops going on credit card and starts being paid from bank account so looking forward to this milestone. xxx

[Deleted User]

How good will that feel when you pay those travel expenses on your debit card rather than the credit card!!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend PSL.

Dxxx

System

Hey. I'm here to say 'STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP.' Rome wasn't built in a day, you'll get there.
I have a bit of the self destructive in me (i call it my f%ck it streak!) - and when things are rough, that's usually when I am the most self destructive with money as I spend to feel better. So going out to the pub, and giving into socialising are definitely things I have done (and probably don't do now as I live in the %rse end of nowhere)
Have you planned out your socialising to the same extent of your budget? Would writing down the who / how much help, in that you can make sure you are giving all your friends a fair chance of seeing and spending time with you?
In your socialising budget, have you broken it down from a sum into how many nights out at £30/go? so you know you can have X nights per month out at a certain spend rate - and then if you overspend one of them has to go?
Ref buying unneccessary clothes - have you ever had a clothes swapping party? me and a bunch of mates had one a few years ago and I got a load of ace clothes - anything left that no-one wanted went to a charity.. A bit of cheap fun - you can host it, and everyone needs to bring clothes, a bottle and nibbles.


Anyway. A big Sunday hug from me. Look how quickly September has gone, we're nearly at next pay day. xx

System

Oh and one final thought...would setting yourself a goal on your signature help? Sort of helps me!

Poor_Single_lady

Thank you Ramble and Dolly. I think i am a bit self destructive. I know what i need to do but its the actual doing that is the problem. Its not the maths, its the living and the self destruct button. I definately share your streak Ramble! Brought on by stress and unhappiness. I will stop being mean to myself but i need to restrict everything right now. I will try to plan. I think it looks like this till payday.

Sunday-Saturday. Estimates Projected spending.

Sunday £7 lidl (out of £80 monthly food budget)
Monday NSD
Tuesday NSD
Wednesday £30 social-could be less
Thursday NSD
Friday £15 Food Shop (out of £80 budget)
Saturday £15 weekend expenses
Sunday NSD
Monday NSD

I have nothing else in my diary at the moment, only wednesday this week and saturday. If I stick to this plan it would be amazing. Then another plan at payday.

Everything will need to hold fire to payday. Then on payday pay off overdraft and make minimal payments and £36 in the ramble fund. Welcome in october for a month of leanness and sensible spending. 8 days to pay day.

Stronger and better from here on in. Self destruct button hidden in a cupboard.

Plan
Pay off loan
Pay off first credit card
Sit down in March and make a new long term plan.

Thank you everyone so much. I know its miserable reading but it is going to get better. I hope you are not guilted into posting to me. If its too boring or depressing I wont be offended! Ill just keep going on my boring route! xxx