Affording to start a family when female is breadwinner

onlyroz

catkins wrote: »

No, I was a legal secretary and it was full time or nothing. I did the job for almost 30 years (different solicitors) and never managed to cut my hours in the slightest or get flexi time. Because I wanted to work part time by then I went into retail (which I regretted).

OH was a paramedic in the London Ambulance Service and, again, they would not entertain less than full time.

It didn't matter anyway as we decided not to have children but that was just one of the reasons why

That's a shame. I think these days employers have to take flexible working requests more seriously than they did in the past.

duchy

Before you and tigs got pregnant though did you think a SAHD was something very unusual and that a man should be the one out at work ? Society still generally thinks that way and although things are changing it'll take a long time before your way of doing things doesn't raise eyebrows with some people (Not saying ithey are right - just that it's still an alien concept for many)

marleyboy wrote: »

When OH was pregnant, I was reluctant to give up work and become a SAHD, mainly because as the man of the house I wanted to be the breadwinner and support the family financially.

However as OH was on a higher wage and in a better position than me in her career, it was the sensible thing to do for the family, so was agreed after maternity leave that I would give up work to look after the child and she could return to work. Its not uncommon these days and there is certainly no shame about a role reversal.

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Before you and tigs got pregnant though did you think a SAHD was something very unusual and that a man should be the one out at work ? Society still generally thinks that way and although things are changing it'll take a long time before your way of doing things doesn't raise eyebrows with some people (Not saying ithey are right - just that it's still an alien concept for many)

My dad was one of the few men at the school gate back in the '80s - he worked from home and so did all the school runs and most of the cooking and housework when I was a kid. Back then this was highly unusual. These days less so. I'd say that about a quarter to a third of the people on the school run are men.

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

My dad was one of the few men at the school gate back in the '80s - he worked from home and so did all the school runs and most of the cooking and housework when I was a kid. Back then this was highly unusual. These days less so. I'd say that about a quarter to a third of the people on the school run are men.

Really ?
One in three or four parents at the school gate are male ?

I'm beyond those days now but at my son's school out of a class of thirty kids it was one or two (both Dads were actors so would do the school run when resting) . Passing our local primary school recently it certainly seems to be almost exclusively female still.

Jagraf

duchy wrote: »

Really ?
One in three or four parents at the school gate are male ?

I'm beyond those days now but at my son's school out of a class of thirty kids it was one or two (both Dads were actors so would do the school run when resting) . Passing our local primary school recently it certainly seems to be almost exclusively female still.

I'm beyond those days too now but we live on the walking route to our local primary and I would say at least 1/3 are men taking their kids to school. I know lots of the parents and some of them are self employed / have their own businesses (window cleaner and an accountant).

With after school clubs and a bit of juggling I don't see why nowadays families can't thrive with both parents working. I actually don't know that many full time sahm or sahd anymore once the kids reach preschool / school age (and younger), if that's what they want.

LannieDuck

My OH was a SAHD with our eldest. He said that, whilst playgrounds were still dominated by Mums, it wasn't unusual to see other Dads there looking after children.

We now split the childcare equally (both work 4 days a week), OH does drop-off, I do pick-up. So when DD1 starts school this year, he'll be doing the morning school run, and I'll be doing the evening pick-up.

I think split arrangements are becoming much more common. About 1/2 the parents I see picking up from nursery are Dads.

selement

Some of our close friends had a child recently and the wife returned to work very quickly and the husband took the parental leave and has decided to be a stay at home dad. She was the breadwinner by quite some distance so it made the most sense, and both were happy with this idea.

I have talked over what we would do with my OH a few times, I have always earned more than him and probably always will unless I change careers (a possibility as I'm not enjoying it currently...). I think I would want a decent amount off time with the baby, I think as some suggested 6 months sounds sensible, then after that let OH have some time.

Perhaps both of us go part time and use some paid childcare. I don't think he'd entirely mind being a stay at home dad but I think we need him to stay in work. When I was younger I didn't mind the concept of staying home with the kids too much and thought it was what I would do (my mom gave up work for a few years to raise us) but I don't feel it's an option to us now. Although I would like to I don't feel I should do the job any more than OH just because I'm female. If anything when he first assumed he'd get to be a stay at home dad someday I was a little jealous! I think he initially wasn't so sure about the idea then actually quite liked it. So I expect we'll compromise even if it isn't the most sensible thing to do financially.

I'm not even pregnant though so this is all in theory! It may be very different in practice. I do encourage people not to to assume they have to do things the traditional way though. I think most fathers love the opportunity to be more involved with childcare (in fact my own dad is now retired and a granddad because of my sibling and loves looking after his grandchild 1 day a week, something he didn't get to do when we were kids because my mom gave up work so he had to work full time to support the family)

onlyroz

All workers have the right to make a flexible working request regardless of whether they are parents or carers.

https://www.gov.uk/flexible-working/overview

And employees don't get full pay when on maternity or paternity leave unless their employer offers an enhanced package.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

onlyroz

Perhaps because happy employees are productive employees?

Or perhaps because it is better for the economy to have mothers out at work and paying taxes than staying at home with the kids?

Or would you prefer it it the only people who could afford to have kids were the super rich, or the people content to live off the state?

Lily-Rose_3

duchy wrote: »

Really ?
One in three or four parents at the school gate are male ?

I'm beyond those days now but at my son's school out of a class of thirty kids it was one or two (both Dads were actors so would do the school run when resting) . Passing our local primary school recently it certainly seems to be almost exclusively female still.

Jagraf wrote: »

I'm beyond those days too now but we live on the walking route to our local primary and I would say at least 1/3 are men taking their kids to school. I know lots of the parents and some of them are self employed / have their own businesses (window cleaner and an accountant).

With after school clubs and a bit of juggling I don't see why nowadays families can't thrive with both parents working. I actually don't know that many full time sahm or sahd anymore once the kids reach preschool / school age (and younger), if that's what they want.

Hmmm, where I live (maybe because it's more rural, not sure,) I would say only 1 in 7 parents at the school gate are dads. Certainly not 1 in 3. Depends where you live I guess. But personally, my experience is similar to Duchy's; it's mostly the mums.

I can understand how child free people get narked when mommies have time off for kiddy sickness, school play, school shut unexpectedly, but what choice do they have?

Thing is, when you're a mother of young children, you can't win; stay at home with them, and you're a lazy free-loader, who does nothing but watche Jeremy Kyle, The Wright Stuff, Loose Women, Judge Rinder, and Dickinsons Real Deal every day, whilst sponging off the state or your husband.

If you go to work, you're a terrible mother; offloading your sprogs onto some faceless childminder, and 'expecting' time off when your children need you.

As I said, a mother of young children just can't win.