Affording to start a family when female is breadwinner

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

Well I wouldn't go as far as making it mandatory but we should provide more incentives for fathers to take time off for their kids. We need a societal shift where it becomes the norm for both parents to share the leave *and* share the economic activities that bring money into the household. But telling families what they must do rarely goes down well.

We tell families what they must do now, we tell them very clearly that women are expected to be the primary carers in the earliest months and years. We told them even more strongly very recently when men only got two weeks leave!

Person_one

LannieDuck wrote: »

Similarly, not every woman can breastfeed.

No, but every woman should be given the opportunity to, finances shouldn't prevent it.

onlyroz

Scorpio33 wrote: »

I personally don't think we need more incentives for fathers to take time off, as I think most fathers do want the time off to spend with their families.


The issue is that employers have little incentive to provide it to all employees. They are required to employ staff who are the best suited for the job, so would inevitably employ women. So most employers then provide maternity pay as they have to, not because they want to. Most companies provide women with more than the statutory, hence if the company sticks to the bear minimum, they would be losing out on good employees.
But the same can't be said for men. The majority of firms provide one weeks full pay, then a weeks statutory pay. Despite the government now changing things so that statutory maternity can now be split, most firms won't split the "enhanced" part of the leave. That means that men are "stuck" in accepting the two weeks leave. I think if companies started offering men enhanced paternity leave, that is when things will start to change.

Can't see it happening anytime soon though.

You have just described exactly why we need incentives - men who take parental leave should be paid the same as women. Only when it makes no financial difference whether mum or dad takes the time off can we have equality and higher take-up.

Kynthia

I earn nearly double what my partner does and he would have loved to have shared the leave. Unfortunately I didn't feel well enough to return to work until nearly 11 months after the birth. Even then there were still some medical issues unresolved and I spent the next 12 months working in pain. Thankfully we work for very flexible employers and he was able to go part time for the first year after maternity leave so that in combination with family we could avoid paid childcare. He's loved being able to spend more time with our child and I think most dads would love to do so.

Many things to do with having a child have other considerations other than just what's the best decision financially. Hopefully each couple can come to a decision that works best for them.

Scorpio33

onlyroz wrote: »

You have just described exactly why we need incentives - men who take parental leave should be paid the same as women. Only when it makes no financial difference whether mum or dad takes the time off can we have equality and higher take-up.

Yes, but the incentives should be aimed at the companies, to provide better parental leave pay to dads.


The incentives should not be aimed directly at the dads.

lulu_92

I've been the breadwinner for the last 2 years and we currently have 5 week old twins. To add insult to injury OH lost his job when I was 30 weeks pregnant and, although he managed to get another job in three days, this new job is only a temporary contract which is due to expire in January. This means that I will have to go back to work full time, which is something I really don't want to do (long commute, no chance of progression in the job) but I have to do it to make sure my family is looked after.

We just made sure we saved like crazy, especially as preparing for twins is so much more expensive, and very unexpected!

You're never truly 100% financially ready to have children, but you can do your best to prepare.

ViolaLass

LannieDuck wrote: »

It's possible to express so that Dad can stay at home with the baby and bottle-feed the expressed milk. It requires a bit more effort and organisation on the part of the mother tho. I believe it's a legal requirement that companies provide a place for a woman to express milk if requested.

If Mum's work is close enough, Dad could even bring the baby to meet Mum for lunch, so less expressed milk would be required

I toyed with this but idea of having to get my head around my job again with a baby at home who still wasn't sleeping through the night AND spend my spare time at working pumping seemed daft.

I'm sure it's worked for others, but for me, it was a lot easier to stay at home a bit longer.

euronorris

I'm the sole earner in our household, but I am still taking 6 months leave starting next week. I will only get SMP, but we always knew this so we have saved furiously to cover the shortfall whilst I am off, plus a buffer.


When I go back, it will be full time and DH will be staying at home with baby full time. As said child gets a little older and starts going to nursery etc, he will look at some part time work again. He may even find something that fits in around family life before then, but we're wary of becoming ships that pass in the night unless it becomes absolutely necessary.


We are also only entitled to the standard child benefit. We are just above the threshold for child tax credits.


To prepare for this, I did our budget (as comprehensively as possible) for about 7 months in advance to give myself a good indication of the shortfall that we needed to save for.


Your starting point is knowing what maternity pay you will receive, and then doing a budget.

marleyboy

When OH was pregnant, I was reluctant to give up work and become a SAHD, mainly because as the man of the house I wanted to be the breadwinner and support the family financially.

However as OH was on a higher wage and in a better position than me in her career, it was the sensible thing to do for the family, so was agreed after maternity leave that I would give up work to look after the child and she could return to work. Its not uncommon these days and there is certainly no shame about a role reversal.

LannieDuck

Person_one wrote: »

No, but every woman should be given the opportunity to, finances shouldn't prevent it.

Again, I don't disagree.