Best approach to this situation

Guest101

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

OMG, it's just happened to me too! I agree with all in your post too! :eek:

I'm glad I'm not here to cause arguments, sometimes views differ but it's good when we can agree

Claire_A87

You come across as really patronising. Like you've put yourself in some elevated status to her, and are therefore in a position to give her 'feedback'.

She almost certainly just wants someone to rant to; don't we all from time to time?

And honestly, assigning yourself as her mentor? !!!!!!? You're her partner. As in equals. As in stop seeing yourself as superior and talk to her like a normal human being.

Georgiegirl256

Guest101 wrote: »

I'm glad I'm not here to cause arguments, sometimes views differ but it's good when we can agree

It is.

skattykatty

OP - you sound like the exasperated parent or teacher of a petulant child - substitute 'daughter' or 'student' for girlfriend and it makes more sense as a 'relationship'

LilElvis

To me it sounds like the girlfriend is far from proactive. If she wanted the OP to look at her CV why did she just mention it at inappropriate times? Why didn't she print it out and give it to him? If she was told that a piece of work was "top priority" why didn't she have the sense to ask her manager when the deadline was? No wonder she isn't seeing any career development in her current job - she appears to have zero initiative from the examples given. Walking out on a meeting with her manager also paints a pretty poor picture, regardless of how she was spoken to.

justme111

LilElvis wrote: »

To me it sounds like the girlfriend is far from proactive. If she wanted the OP to look at her CV why did she just mention it at inappropriate times? Why didn't she print it out and give it to him? If she was told that a piece of work was "top priority" why didn't she have the sense to ask her manager when the deadline was? No wonder she isn't seeing any career development in her current job - she appears to have zero initiative from the examples given. Walking out on a meeting with her manager also paints a pretty poor picture, regardless of how she was spoken to.

Indeed. You absolutely right. It is not his place to try and change her though by voicing what he disagrees with and what should she do. It is likely to make the matters worse if anything as when one of the partners is in "critical parent" position other tends to slot into "rebellious irresponsible child" one to complement it.

Andrew_Ryan_89

Thank you guys, you have sincerely changed my life. Vast majority of the post are siding with my girlfriend and rightfully so. I think it is just a balance I need.

We have been in similar situations before I tried to bite my lip with this one as much as possible. It's just, I had a mentor that would kick my !!! and frankly tell me when I done something wrong. If I !!!!!ed to my friends, they would all agree and let me know how much an idiot my boss was. When I !!!!!ed to my mentor, he'll call me out on it. The boss's reaction or what he said may have not been appropriate but if I done X,Y and Z then I would not have been in that situation in the first place.

In regards to the CV, I just started a new job, a lot of travel, stressing over a number of things and genuinely have a terrible memory.

I know I am coming from a good place but I guess as someone else pointed out - I need to show her more respect and be more of a shoulder to lean on. Those mistakes she has to learn from herself I guess.

indiepanda

Andrew_Ryan_89 wrote: »

Thank you guys, you have sincerely changed my life. Vast majority of the post are siding with my girlfriend and rightfully so. I think it is just a balance I need.

We have been in similar situations before I tried to bite my lip with this one as much as possible. It's just, I had a mentor that would kick my !!! and frankly tell me when I done something wrong. If I !!!!!ed to my friends, they would all agree and let me know how much an idiot my boss was. When I !!!!!ed to my mentor, he'll call me out on it. The boss's reaction or what he said may have not been appropriate but if I done X,Y and Z then I would not have been in that situation in the first place.

In regards to the CV, I just started a new job, a lot of travel, stressing over a number of things and genuinely have a terrible memory.

I know I am coming from a good place but I guess as someone else pointed out - I need to show her more respect and be more of a shoulder to lean on. Those mistakes she has to learn from herself I guess.

Yes, I think the thing is you aren't your girlfriend's mentor, she might well benefit from having one (most of us would), but it's not your role to play. Mentors at work are usually older / more experienced and as a boyfriend you should be treating her as your equal not someone she is meant to look up to that way.

I've been frustrated by male friends and boyfriends who think I want them to solve my problems. I really don't, sometimes I just want someone to listen and let me rant while I get something off my chest. My female friends seem better at understanding this (though I will give my ex credit, he was great at just listening). If there's a solution to be found, I will usually find it myself, perhaps with the help of someone at work who can do something constructive to help resolve the situation.

suki1964

For a start I would look at what's happening in your life and I have remembered some posts and I have looked at your posting history

You come across as a very driven young man who doesn't do failure too easily

However, just because someone else travels the same road I a different manner doesn't make their way wrong


Personally I'd say look at your own issues first before calling someone out on theirs


Your gf obviously works around things differently then you. That doesn't make either one of you right or wrong

My hubby is a straight on the ball kind of guy, I'm a kind of when I get around of it type of girl. Neither way is right or wrong. Doesn't mean we don't get wound up with each other's way


You are planning on marrying this lass. Learn to listen to each other.

You are both young. Start learning to talk to each other now before you stop bothering as neither listen

Gigervamp

Stop going on about being her mentor! That's not your place.

Reminds me a bit of My Fair Lady.