advice on what is a reasonable amount to charge for keep now son has finished uni

Marvel1

Just to give you an idea, I'm earning £19,500 annually gross, I live alone, I also have a car.

Peter333

themull1 wrote: »

And how is the child going to ever stand on their own two feet charging them £25 a week and letting them waste the rest partying? If the 'child' is 23, earning £1600 net a month, its not unreasonable to ask for £200 a month.

Thirty years ago when i got my job at 16, i was on £220 a month, and gave my parents £80 a month. I didn't get let off with it if i went on holiday, i still had to pay £80, i wanted to do it. It helped me with budgeting etc when i was older.

Nonsense. Your adult child is not going to learn about budgeting whether you charge them £125 a month or £525 a month, because they are not paying for anything, or doing any budgeting; YOU are doing it!

And yes of COURSE it's OK to charge £200 a month if your adult child is bringing home £1600! But NO teenager who has just left college will be bringing THAT home. (And that is what I was on about!)

What's more, in the example I gave (the 2 boys having to pay £400 each; ) they only pick up £780 to £850! I never MENTIONED anyone earning £1600 and paying £200!

In the case I mentioned, the mother is taking more than half of their money to help her pay the rent and bills, because she can't be bothered to get a job! It serves her right that they are both leaving later this year.

Anyone who has more than half of their child's money for board, is either trying to get rid of them, or they are using their offspring to subsidise their mortgage or rent, and their bills. This is shameful and disgusting behaviour, and nothing to do with 'teaching them how to budget.'

I reiterate; to charge your young adult school-leaver/college leaver the 'market rent' to stay with you is cold and unfeeling. If you do this then don't be surprised if they leave pretty soon, as the 2 lads I was on about earlier are about to do. Seems the lazy money grabbing mother will actually have to get off her backside and get a job. Oh dear...

in_my_wellies

I lived alone (husband died) and my daughter came back after uni. I lost the 25% single occupier council tax discount.
My husband died just after his parents from whom he inherited a house + savings and a week before my father who I inherited from. If I were to die soon there would be inheritance tax to pay so she pays me £180 a month but into a building society account in her name. We figured that as I don't need the cash this is a small way to offset IHT
She does share equally all the household tasks - gardening, cleaning, animal care, etc. Not just day to day tasks but ones that enable us to stay here. She willingly spent last Saturday wood staining the sheds

I agree with Peter333

justme111

Peter , if you read op's post again she says he is 23, after uni and gets net about £1800 I believe.
Si what you saying does not apply.
Don't argue , people , I guess everybody would agreed that it all depends on circumstances , if a "child" saves £1500 of hos £1800 and parents know once they have x amount they will buy a house and parents are not buying value brands because they can not afford others we would agree no charge is reasonable. If "child" spends £1800 on treats and socialising then I guess we would all agree some dose of reality with suggestion they live elsewhere or pay close to market rate rent is the only thing that can put them on a straight and narrow.
Curious - Peter, how much do you spend a week (a month) on food ?

TBagpuss

Peter333 wrote: »

I don't think you have annoyed anyone! So don't think that.

As I said, there is no right or wrong answer.

I do think that you should only be charging any extras he is costing though, as I think young people (under 25) living at home, should be enjoying life, partying, going on holiday with mates, and spending on frivolous stuff; not subsidising their parents rent or mortgage, and household bills. So I think 25 to 35 pounds a week is more than adequate for most.

So I don't buy into this 'charge them what they would pay if they lived away from home' and 'charge them the market rent' suggestion. I mean why would anyone do that? :huh: Especially when they're still in their teens!

If someone is charging their adult child a lot, to subsidise the bills and rent/mortgage, then how on earth are they going to cope when said adult child leaves home?

Charging them 'the market rent' is not treating them like family; its treating them like a lodger.

At what point to you feel that parents should stop subsidising their children?

If you have someone who is 23, earning a reasonable wage, why is it unreasonable for them to pay their way?

In some cases, the answer to 'how will the parents cope' may be that they will have to take in a lodger or to downsize. It may be that having an adult child, who they have supported for 20+ years, pay their way will allow them to enjoy a few luxuries, or to pay off debt, or to save towards future needs.

I don't think that 'treating someone like family' means supporting them financially when they are able to support themselves . I also think that there is much to be said for treating an adult 'child' as an adult, including encouraging and allowing them to be financially independent.

And of course, asking your adult offspring to pay a reasonable amount when they are in work may well mean that you are able to build up reserves which will allow you to help them if they need it, for instance if they are laid off, or when they want to move out and you want to give them a helping hand, and may also mean that you can cope if *you* are the one who loses a job.

HappyMJ

Just wondering...how much should I as an adult pay my mother if I return to live in the family home? She claims a pension and doesn't "need" the extra money. The mortgage is paid off and she owns the property outright.

silvercar

HappyMJ wrote: »

Just wondering...how much should I as an adult pay my mother if I return to live in the family home? She claims a pension and doesn't "need" the extra money. The mortgage is paid off and she owns the property outright.

Assuming that she wants you to live with her, there would also be the benefits of companionship and security having you on hand.

Inheritance tax planning would suggest there is no point giving her money if all that will happen is that she will bank it and the taxman take a portion in the fullness of time.

Pollycat

HappyMJ wrote: »

Yes that's my opinion every penny of JSA should be paid to the household pot to cover living expenses. Anyone living by themselves and claiming JSA has to use every penny of the tiny amount that JSA pays to pay the bills in the house they live in. Why should an adult child living at home be free to spend the JSA money on....what exactly....socializing?

If having no money is not a kick up the behind to get out of the house and get a job I'm not sure what else would work.

I'd say it was also a damn good incentive to move out as soon as you got a job - a bit like this situation:

Peter333 wrote: »

I do know one woman (separated from male partner 13 years ago,) who has two sons who are only a year apart in age. One stayed at collage an extra year to re-do average A level results, and they both left college together aged 18 and 19 (in June 2014.)

So she went from having around £500 a month child tax credits to having NOTHING. (Because the boys became adults!)

They both got jobs quite quickly, and she instantly started charging them £400 a month EACH for board and lodgings. I think their pay was only about £700!

It's OK to take something from your young adult child, if they are working, and they really should be contributing, and I don't think you do anyone any favours; least of all them, if you don't charge something.

But to take a large amount off them to replace tax credits and benefits is just wrong IMO.

The 2 lads we know who live with their mother who charges them £400 a month each, are both leaving home later this year, and she is kicking off big time; saying they don't love her, they don't care about her, they want her to starve etc etc... Real emotional blackmail! When they DO go, she is royally screwed.

The younger lad is going into the services, and the other lad is moving in with his girlfriend into a little flat, and he has figured out that he is not going to be any worse off financially. The only difference is that he will not have a domineering mother emotionally blackmailing him, and screwing him out of over half of his earnings, so that she doesn't have to get a job.

I left school one Friday and started work the following Monday - a good job with prospects.

I expected to pay board but my Mother took all my wages and gave me spending money.
This continued - despite regular requests from me to change the arrangements - for 2 years.
Even when I had a payrise she kept more than half of that rise.
As soon as I possibly could I left home.
If she had treated me differently (I was the eldest) she would have had more money than I was costing the household.
So in essence, she (and the houselhold) was the real loser.

Jagraf

My MIL has had a lodger since she lost her husband. She is in her eighties and the lodger in her twenties. She pays my MIL (well, the agency) £85 per week - I think my MIL gets about £300. Lodger obviously does her own washing etc and MIL pays all bills.

I know people have different ideas about their children living permanently for no cost but I don't agree so I think I would charge slightly less than a lodger, dependent on their salary.

My MIL puts every penny away and it's starting to become useful for jobs we can't help her with when we are at work - eg mowing the garden etc. I know this may be way in the future but maybe put it into a savings account.

As a responsible parent it makes sense to keep yourself financially secure rather than constantly bailing out your family. As you get older you will need to make decisions about yourself and the more choices you have the less likely you are to have to put the stress and anxiety on your family. I am grateful to my MIL for being so financially savvy as she can now afford to stay in her home long term (hopefully) and have help in when needed, in the future. This means my husband and I can look after her with love and support but without the anxiety of making massive decisions.

I know that can be a long way ahead but if you keep giving giving giving to your kids because they are "family" they will be faced with the consequences.

AndyBSG

HappyMJ wrote: »

I am of the opinion that an adult child should be paying market rates for a room in your property

Pretty much this.

As a parent your role isn't just to provide and care for your children but also to educate them.

Letting them pay peanuts for one of life's biggest costs, accommodation, doesn't teach them anything.

My plan for when my daughter leaves education is simple. I will charge her roughly 30% of her take home or the market rate, whichever is the lower of the two.

That way she starts learning what the real world is like.

Of course, what she won't know is that i'll be putting the money into a savings account which will then get handed back to her when the time comes for her to buy her own home