Best way to ask my lodger to move out

shellstar

Hello,

Just before Easter I agreed to let a lodger rent my spare room. It was a favour to a friend (the lodger was her boyfriend, she didn't warn me she would be dumping him a few days before he moved in!).

Since he moved in I've realised that he isn't the right person to have as my lodger. He's in his 40s but sleeps most of the day and is up most of the night (I work 9 - 5). He's regularly up until 3am or later most nights. Although he is very quiet, when he moves around the house (to use the toilet etc.) I find this usually wakes me up. In addition, the very little interaction we have is normally negative in that he's a depressive type. I'm a much more sociable and positive person and the contrast is hard to live with. I have had conversations with him about noise but I don't think he's being unreasonable in his movements etc - he's just on a very different clock which doesn't work for me.

Ordinarily I could probably cope with most of it, but having recently (and suddenly) lost my father just prior to him moving in I think it would be best for me right now if I had the house to myself. The quality of my sleep effects my ability to cope with what has happened so it has become precious to me. In addition, having a negative force in the house is at best irritating and worst seriously effects my own mood.

I'd like to ask him to move out and I'm happy to give him notice. He is my first (possibly only) lodger and I'm struggling to find the right way/phrasing for three reasons. Firstly, I think it will come out of the blue and he's not been living there long so I feel a bit guilty to be messing him around. Secondly, he's due to start a permanent job in either June or September (teaching - he's waiting to hear when he will start). I could probably cope with him staying until June, but not September so he would need to find another lodging arrangement if he had to wait that long, rather than being able get his own place. The third is that he does clearly have problems with depression and has just been dumped by his GF. Asking him to move out is likely to make him feel worse (not my problem I realise, but it's not a nice feeling to think you might be adding to someone's difficulties.

I realise that it's my home and I should perhaps just tell him it's not working for me and he needs to move out. I'm normally quite a forthright person, but as the whole situation is new to me and I'm also not at my best at the moment, I'd welcome some thoughts and advice about the best way to approach the conversation. Ultimately, whatever his problems I need to put myself first, but I've been struggling to find the route in for a couple of weeks now. I've asked a few friends who've had lodgers but none of them has ever had to have that difficult 'I want you to move out' conversation.

I don't tend to see him much and when he is in he hides in his room so I thought I could start by sending an email to ask for a meeting? All constructive thoughts very welcome!

Guest101

Hi X,


I don't think being a landlord is for me. I enjoy my own space too much. But don't worry, I'll be happy to give you a great reference and time to find somewhere else to live.

Pixie5740

You could send an email or you could just knock on his bedroom door. Do you have a lodger agreement in place and if so does it say anything about notice? If not then you just have to give reasonable notice.

You could do the, 'it's not you, it's me" routine and just say that it's your first time having a lodger but that you've decided it's not quite for you. Be prepared to be a little flexible on a leaving date and say you'd be happy to provide a reference.

Guest101

Pixie5740 wrote: »

You could send an email or you could just knock on his bedroom door. Do you have a lodger agreement in place and if so does it say anything about notice? If not then you just have to give reasonable notice.

You could do the, 'it's not you, it's me" routine and just say that it's your first time having a lodger but that you've decided it's not quite for you. Be prepared to be a little flexible on a leaving date and say you'd be happy to provide a reference.

Great minds, pixie...

TBagpuss

I wouldn't send him an email while he is in te same house.
I'd suggest that at a time convenient to you (maybe when you get in from work?) you knock on his door and ask if he's free to have a chat.

You can then explain that you agreed to let the room to him as your friend asked you to, but you are finding that having a lodger is not working out for you just at present. I wouldn't go into detail abbout how he disturbs you - if he asks for more information I'd keep it vague "I'm just finding that having another person in the house isn't right for me, I don't think I am cut out to be a landlord."

If he and you tend to be awake at the same time at weekends then you could leave it until then, but to be honest, I'd suggest trying to speak to him sooner ratherthan later.

You don't say whether you have a formal lodger's agreement - if you do, thjen I would say to him that you are giving him notice (and then follow that with a written confirmation)

If not, I'd suggest that you say to him you are giving him a month's notice - that takes you to the beginning of June. You can say that you you would be open to discussing extending that for a couple of weeks if he finds he neds slightly longer to find somewhere new, but I'd suggest that you don't say that to begin with - see how he reacts to the initial news that you are giving him notice.

It is difficult, but I think the best thing to do is to try to kep it as professional as you can - as you say, you are not being nasty but do need to look out for yourself.

ETA - and make clear that you are happy to provide a reference

gingercordial

You could even cite your father's death (condolences, by the way) as part of the "it's not you, it's me" as from the sounds of it that's true. Tell him what you said in your post, that you are finding you need your space to cope with your loss and you're really sorry but have therefore decided you can't handle being a landlord at the moment. As others have said, offer a glowing reference.

Do work out an actual leaving date during this conversation though, as otherwise he may just not do anything towards moving out. Important to set expectations from the start.

shellstar

Thanks all, I really appreciate the ideas and advice. I'm hoping to have the conversation sooner rather than later. He quite often gets in after I've gone to bed so that makes it harder to 'psych myself up' for it, as I'll have to broach it when I see him next I think.

I should at the least have a chance to see him on Saturday so I'll plan to do it by then!

bmthmark

Just be honest with him, i'm sure it will be fine.

You never know he may read this forum and get the message
At this point all male lodgers are probably thinking is this me lol

Let us know how you get on

Mojisola

shellstar wrote: »

Ordinarily I could probably cope with most of it, but having recently (and suddenly) lost my father just prior to him moving in I think it would be best for me right now if I had the house to myself.

The third is that he does clearly have problems with depression and has just been dumped by his GF. Asking him to move out is likely to make him feel worse (not my problem I realise, but it's not a nice feeling to think you might be adding to someone's difficulties.

Ultimately, whatever his problems I need to put myself first

You do need to put yourself first. You are worried that you might be adding to his difficulties but he is adding to yours by being in your house!

carefullycautious

Could you have someone present in the home just in case he kicks off?

Mallotum_X

speak to him and say having a lodger isnt really for you. ask him to find a new place and offer to be flexible on dates - but with a time limit.