Best way to ask my lodger to move out

Guest101

carefullycautious wrote: »

Could you have someone present in the home just in case he kicks off?

Why would he kick off?

Makalu

Hi there, after reading your post you have the answer right there. I would tell him exactly what you write in paragraph 3. I'm very sorry to hear you have lost your father. I would explain that after thinking it over you feel that at this point in your life you feel a desperate need to be alone. Tell him you appreciate it would be difficult for him to move out there and then but you MUST state a date that he needs to be moved on by, this way you will not be wondering when he's going to go (If he doesn't budge straight away). Also this way you are the reason and not him, although that shouldn't matter but I guess its easier to be the instigator and you are even telling the truth and not making anything up. I hope it works out for you. It can be hard to be assertive if you aren't used to it and also if you are feeling sensitive at this time in your life. You must put yourself first. If you cant relax in your own home its a crying shame!!! Good luck

shellstar

Bit of an update on this. I followed the helpful advice from here (thank you all) and told him in person that I needed to give him notice so that I could focus on getting over the loss of my Dad. I gave him 7 weeks notice, which I thought was fair. He said he understood and agreed to leave.

Since then, I've had to prod him several times to start looking for somewhere. Last week I made it clear that if he didn't find somewhere else, he could store his stuff in my garage but he wouldn't be able to stay. He came back the next day having found somewhere.

So far so frustrating. Yesterday I discovered he has been secretly raiding my alcohol stash! I don't drink much, but have quite a few bottles for making cocktails as some friends and I started a cocktail club last year. Since I moved, and since Dad, I haven't felt much like a cocktail so I know I haven't drunk any. I also know that all of the bottles were either unopened, mostly full or two thirds full. They are all also large bottles 75 cl - 1 litre. We're talking 8 bottles of various spirits, bitters, fortified wines etc.

You guessed it, he's drunk the lot dry and put them back in the box in the hope I wouldn't notice. I was absolutely livid. He's drunk it all in 3 months, plus his own on top. I've now said sorry buster, I know you were moving out at the end of the month but you've now got 48 hours. He starts his new job today (as a teacher!) which is the only reason I didn't make him leave there and then.

Last thing I needed, and this guy was recommended by a friend! I have rather been put off ever having a lodger again! I usually try to be compassionate towards people with problems, but not those that have no desire to help themselves and have no problem taking advantage of others. He wasn't even particularly sorry, just said 'oh, have I been helping myself? I'll try to replace it'.

DRP

what a !!!!.

Do you have a deposit from him?

Is is probably not worth the effort to pursue at this stage, but you could remind him how, as a a teacher, a caution or conviction for theft might look on his record...

Guest101

shellstar wrote: »

Bit of an update on this. I followed the helpful advice from here (thank you all) and told him in person that I needed to give him notice so that I could focus on getting over the loss of my Dad. I gave him 7 weeks notice, which I thought was fair. He said he understood and agreed to leave.

Since then, I've had to prod him several times to start looking for somewhere. Last week I made it clear that if he didn't find somewhere else, he could store his stuff in my garage but he wouldn't be able to stay. He came back the next day having found somewhere.

So far so frustrating. Yesterday I discovered he has been secretly raiding my alcohol stash! I don't drink much, but have quite a few bottles for making cocktails as some friends and I started a cocktail club last year. Since I moved, and since Dad, I haven't felt much like a cocktail so I know I haven't drunk any. I also know that all of the bottles were either unopened, mostly full or two thirds full. They are all also large bottles 75 cl - 1 litre. We're talking 8 bottles of various spirits, bitters, fortified wines etc.

You guessed it, he's drunk the lot dry and put them back in the box in the hope I wouldn't notice. I was absolutely livid. He's drunk it all in 3 months, plus his own on top. I've now said sorry buster, I know you were moving out at the end of the month but you've now got 48 hours. He starts his new job today (as a teacher!) which is the only reason I didn't make him leave there and then.

Last thing I needed, and this guy was recommended by a friend! I have rather been put off ever having a lodger again! I usually try to be compassionate towards people with problems, but not those that have no desire to help themselves and have no problem taking advantage of others. He wasn't even particularly sorry, just said 'oh, have I been helping myself? I'll try to replace it'.

I think you may be onto a loser if you stick with 48 hours, you made a contractual agreement and he's offered to replace the drinks (which could be a reasonable mistake, or seen to be a reasonable mistake)

xylophone

His actions were deceitful and certainly ungrateful but I think I'd have been inclined to take a deep breath, remember I had barely two weeks to share the same space, ask him for a contribution towards replacing what he had drunk and left it at that.

cashbackproblems

He doesn't sound like the worse lodger tbf but if its disturbing your sleep (you must be a light sleeper) and you don't need the money, best to ask him to leave. Sounds like he has no respect for anyone and his attitude is probably why hes in his 40's with no home of his own

thesaint

DRP wrote: »

a caution or conviction for theft might look on his record...

I laughed at the thought of the Police cautioning a lodger for drinking their landlords Brandy. :beer:

[Deleted User]

I remember I did much the same. Had a very good friend, who I later realised had no judgement. She had a male friend (platonic) in a fair bit of trouble who needed a place to stay. I was very young and nieve, felt sorry for him, took it at face value and let him stay with me.

He trashed the place, and when I protested, disappeared with anything valuable I had.

It was a very valuable lesson. Was almost worth what I lost. Never happened again. I'm afraid sob stories can have a reason for existing.., there are exceptions but not often. Now, unless a person can show that they can learn from past mistakes and show some effort, I turn deaf.

shellstar

I'm not going to call the police, I'm just venting. He might not be the 'worst' lodger but his behaviour certainly isn't reasonable and I do have a right to be angry about it. I paraphrased the conversation as he only said he'd 'try' to replace it after I told him he'd have to. I'm on my own in my house with a guy who clearly has serious addiction problems. It's not fun! I was already riding out the 7 weeks notice I gave him. I know it's less than two weeks to go but for me the deceit is a game changer. That, and other ways he has behaved mean I don't feel safe.

I've suggested that as he gets the keys to his new place this week he should ask his new landlady if he can move in early, for both our sakes. He said he'll ask and he doesn't think it will be problem. As for the £150+ worth of booze (I popped home at lunch and found more booze he's helped himself to - he's literally drunk me dry!). I've said if he goes this week I'll write it off though I realise I will have to write it off anyway. Despite what he said he has no intention of replacing the drink or paying me the money, and I honestly don't care. I'm just trying to get him out asap with as little fuss as I can. I just want him gone. I'm also going to store my valuables etc. in my garage which he doesn't have a key to, until he goes.