In Need Of Advice

11111111

Sadness seems permeant

Is it really so hard to just be happy? I used to think loads of the future - being married and having children but now it's just vanished and I can't even think past the next few hours without knowing what's going to happen

miss_independent

11111111 wrote: »

Sadness seems permeant

Is it really so hard to just be happy? I used to think loads of the future - being married and having children but now it's just vanished and I can't even think past the next few hours without knowing what's going to happen

With Depression, yes, it is that hard to be happy. That's why you need outside help, you can't really get better alone. I'll ask again, have you made an appointment?

That really is the first step.

If you read the book I recommended (Reasons to Stay Alive - Matt Haig), you'll see that he thought exactly the same way about his future and it turned out way better than he could ever have imagined.

That voice in your head telling you it isn't going to get better, you'll always be alone etc - that is your depression speaking, not you.

All those things you worry you might never have, you can have. You aren't psychic, you can't say nothing good is ever going to happen to you, you cannot possibly know that.

Your GP may refer you for CBT. This would involve looking at those thoughts and identifying what kind of thought they are;

I.e "I'm always going to be alone" - this type of thought is often called fortune telling. As I've said, you can't possibly know that you won't meet someone fantastic who loves you and wants to spend the rest of their life with you. Matt Haig couldn't even go to his corner shop on his own for about 2 years through anxiety depression but he is now happily married with children.

So when you have that thought, when you are aware of it, you write it down in a workbook or on a sheet. Then you challenge it - I.e I can't know that, I don't know who I'm going to meet, there are many good reasons for me not to end up alone, I am thinking this way because I am depressed etc etc. And then you write down a new thought to replace "I'm always going to be alone" such as "I'm a loving, caring person and its quite possible that I will meet a wonderful person to share my life with". At first it will feel fake, you won't believe it because your depressive thinking pattern is so automatic at the moment. But eventually, if you keep being aware of how you are thinking and challenging it, looking for alternative more positive thoughts, the new way of thinking will become automatic.

That's a very potted, basic description of one of the therapies that could be available to you, once you are well enough to be begin. But to even get to that point you have to see your Doctor. There is help available to you, please take it.

I'm not going to lie, this isn't going to be easy. There isn't a magic wand that you can wave and be fixed. You are going to have to work at getting better. You say you want to and I believe that but you must make the appointment with the GP.

11111111

I have been to see the doctor before, he gave me AD's, I came off them as they werent making a difference and had ruined my stomach every time I took them.

I will look at that book, I looked for it last night but couldnt find it online anywhere, I'd rather read it online than get the actual book

I dont believe I will get better, I dont believe I'll even get another job

Everything is a mess and I really dont see it changing

Thanks for the suggestions, I feel a little bit better now thanks

I wish I could buy a fix.

miss_independent

11111111 wrote: »

I have been to see the doctor before, he gave me AD's, I came off them as they werent making a difference and had ruined my stomach every time I took them.

I will look at that book, I looked for it last night but couldnt find it online anywhere, I'd rather read it online than get the actual book

I dont believe I will get better, I dont believe I'll even get another job

Everything is a mess and I really dont see it changing

Thanks for the suggestions, I feel a little bit better now thanks

I wish I could buy a fix.

Here is the kindle edition of the book;

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reasons-Stay-Alive-Matt-Haig-ebook/dp/B00N7KZLSG?ie=UTF8&keywords=reasons%20to%20stay%20alive&qid=1462394528&ref_=sr_1_1&s=digital-text&sr=1-1

You can't buy a fix but you can work hard to improve your mental health. It's still worth seeing a Dr, there are many brands of anti-depressants and I'm sure there is one (if he even feels it's appropriate for you to be on them) that will not give you the side effects you experienced in the past. Also, it took me about 3 months of being on antidepressants before I realised they were making a difference. The anxiety medication on the other hand worked instantly. It's also very important to come off medication gradually with the support of the GP. You should never stop taking it abruptly and of your own accord (unless you are having a life threatning reaction to it!). Doing that is basically just messing with your brain chemistry and could make you very unwell mentally very quickly.

At any rate the Dr will be able to refer you to therapy which will help you develop strategies to work on your negative thinking.

This may sound harsh but - it won't get better unless you take the steps yourself to get better. Going to the Dr, even if you have been before is the first step. Keep banging on the door until you get the real life support you need from the GP. You have to decide you are going to fight. That seems impossible when you are depressed. You feel worthless, wonder is there any point to fighting, is it not better to just disappear, stay in bed forever. But the truth is that ultimately giving up will lead to more long term pain than fighting does. It's worth it, in the end, no matter how hard it is. You don't have to go in all guns blazing to fight. Even 5 percent of fight and 95% wanting to disappear is better than nothing.

But you posted on here, you've been honest, you've asked us for advice so that to me suggests you've got more fight in you than perhaps you realise or give yourself credit for.

It's all about baby steps. Keep taking the baby steps.

Newdirections

Hi Miss Independent. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. However, please remember you are still very young - a lot changes during your 20's. I am nearly 27 and I feel a lot different to how I did at 21-22.

With regards to your mood and lack of hope for the future, I think this is being heavily effected by your job search. When you keep searching daily and no positive responses come, it can feel very demoralising, which then becomes a ongoing circle of feeling helpless and worthless about your situation. If you find you are not getting anywhere with the applications, why not consider volunteering? I know everyone recommends this, but honestly, it is so useful. You will get a chance to build your skill set, and there is very little pressure to perform well. Also, employers will really value someone who cares about their community.
Is higher education an option for you? What about a short course or professional course? Are you artistic/creative? Perhaps a professional cookery or photography course would suit you?

It's important not to spend all day every day looking for jobs, as this becomes to define your identity.

Finally, you mentioned you are not eating much and you can't exercise because of this. A few years ago I got into a massive rut from undereating and not nourishing my body. I didn't realise it at the time, but I wasn't fuelling my body enough to feel healthy. Have you considered increasing your calorie intake? Maybe watching some youtube videos about dishes from other cultures and trying them out? Try and get excited by food and nourishment as this is a part of respecting yourself and your health. Then, start to build in exercise (fun!) three or four times a week. You could try running or swimming if you want something to do alone, or a dance or aerobics class if you want a group activity. I know this is not going to solve all your problems but good diet and exercise really goes a long way to giving you the motivation and wellbeing to think about making changes in other areas of your life.

Finally, remember, not everyone has it "all worked out" even though they might appear as if they do. Some people may feel "stuck" in relationships or regimented career paths and may see your current life situation as a fantastic opportunity to be spontaneous, and choose any number of different ways to spend your day.

I heard a really good saying - what you are worrying about now will be of laughable concern this time next year. Try not to dwell too much on the sadness you feel at the situation, and focus on the possibility for change.

I hope some of this helps, please PM me if you want to chat

11111111

I feel like this is how its always going to be, I can't bare not having the things I'm so desperate for

I want change but I dont think it will happen without a lot of money spent and I dont have a lot of money to buy the things I would really cherish and make me feel happy about everything again.

System

i've spent most of my 20's feeling the way you do now. Have always had Mh issue but had a breakdown at 22, life got pretty bad, i lost my job was in an abusive reasltionship and saw no future for myself at all. Everyday felt hopeless, i wasnt eating i wasn't sleeping. I felt like it would never ever get better. After 3 1/2 years, getting out of the bad relationship, i ended up findingeds that worked (and sleeping better) and that bit of stability gave me the confidence to try to work again. I had many rejections but eventually found a part time job. 3 years on from that im still working, i still have good and bad days but i met someone who has been amazing and for the first time in my life im looking forward to the future i never thought id have.

What i'm trying to say is that 6/7 years ago i was where you are now,but a lot can change. Please don;t give up on yourself as theres every chance life will change for the better, it might not be this month, it might not be this year but things can and do change for the better. For now focus on looking after yourself. Go back to the doctors, if you dont wnat medication because of the side effects (and i can understand how horrible they are but they do wear off after about 4 weeks) then tell them that and ask for other support. You've had some amazing advice in this thread so far so i wont repeat whats already been said. But the main thing i need t0o to know is it can get better and this isn't forever.

11111111

I'm happy to hear you have changed your life around and things worked out good for you.

I can't last years like this, I can't eat or sleep or be bothered to do anything now. It's all going to end one day..

SmarterNotHarder

You've been given some really good advice on here, but like so many of the people who have commented, I have some idea of what you're going through.

The person that recommended baby steps is spot on. If you can't face talking to the GP yet, call the Samaritans on 116 123 (this is a freephone number)

If you don't feel like talking, you can email them [EMAIL="jo@samaritans.org"]jo@samaritans.org[/EMAIL]. You could even send them this thread.

This may help as well.
http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about/signs-you-may-be-struggling-cope

The Headspace and excercise recommendations are also spot on. Remember you can do *anything* for ten minutes, even if you hate it.

Sending you virtual hugs and positive thoughts.

tiger_eyes

11111111 wrote: »

I feel like this is how its always going to be, I can't bare not having the things I'm so desperate for

I want change but I dont think it will happen without a lot of money spent and I dont have a lot of money to buy the things I would really cherish and make me feel happy about everything again.

Being unemployed and penniless is tough - I'm sure a lot of us have been there - but buying things won't make you happy. You have a chemical imbalance of serotonin in your brain that makes you feel irrationally sad and hopeless. It makes you feel like nothing will ever be right and you'll never be happy again. That's a medical condition that needs intervention from a GP. Please don't be put off by your previous experience with antidepressants - sometimes you have to try a few to find the right type and the right dose. Or if you really don't want medication, your GP can recommend other treatments.

I think most of us in this thread have been where you are. I'm in treatment right now for a second episode of depression. I really hate to see you suffer with such a treatable condition.