In Need Of Advice

miss_independent

A lot of what you are describing sounds like Depression. You remind me of myself, from what you have written. I'm now 32 and its only just dawned on me that most of my twenties were stolen by Depression and I didn't even know I was suffering from it.

Please look into it. Some people need medication, others don't. I myself prefer to help myself as much as possible. Most days it is impossible to find the motivation but you have to find it from somewhere.

Here is what helps;

Exercise. You may not want to do it. That doesn't matter. Do it anyway. Even if it's only for ten minutes. It's a natural antidepressant. The more you do, the more you will begin to realise that it helps your mood. And makes you more motivated. Walking outside really helps. It helps you to get Vitamin D (a lack of Vit D is also linked to low mood) and keeps you mindful - there is something very powerful in nature. It is healing. You notice things that you've forgotten about, like the different colours on the trees, the birds singing, hearing kids laugh...there is always something to notice and this helps shut up that voice in your head that tells you lies like - "I can't' do this." "I'm worthless." "My life is always going to be like this."

Mindfulness/Meditation - Yes you've said that you don't feel you can meditate but please try. And keep trying. You need to break the cycle of the kind of thoughts you are having - even on here your replies to people's suggestions (being outside, meditating, eating more fruit and veg etc) have been quite negative. I don't mean this unkindly. I just mean that the negative thoughts seem to have quite a grip on you. You need to fight them, replace them. Your GP may be able to help you access Mindfulness groups or courses and CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). Long term, with or without medication, these will give you tools which will help to be happier and more positive.


Doing things you enjoy - you might feel you don't enjoy anything anymore. Again, try. Try to remember what you enjoyed as a kid. Or more recently. It doesn't have to be something expensive or challenging. It could be reading, adult colouring books, listening to music, going to the cinema/gigs. It's about focusing on things that make you happy and taking the pressure off yourself. It sounds like you feel worthless because you aren't working right now. Your job (or lack of a job) doesn't define you. You have worth. You are important, you've just lost sight of your own self worth. Being creative can really help recover your self esteem. It doesn't have to be writing a novel. Painting a masterpiece or anything like that. It could just be cooking using a new recipe. Putting pictures up on a wall. Creating a new playlist on your computer.


Don't isolate yourself. When you were working you were coming into regular contact with people everyday and you had a structure. Now you need to create a daily structure for yourself. It might be that you start volunteering (even an hour a week is a start). Or you could have a timetable for your day. If you are depressed you might not always feel like it, even getting showered can sometimes feel like a mammoth task. Do what you can, at your pace. But keep going. Make sure you talk to people regularly; family, friends etc. Take your job search outside of the home, I.e the library or work on career plans/cv writing etc in a local cafe when you can. It will help you to feel more proactive. Invite friends round to watch a dvd or play on Xbox together. Whatever you can to keep seeing people and keep communicating.


A great book that you might enjoy reading is Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig. It's an easy read, you might not identify with all of it but he felt his life was over in his 20s and had no idea how great his life was going to turn out. He's struggled with depression but he gives good examples of what helped him keep going. He's very happy and successful now and is a real inspiration for depression sufferers, like myself.

Whatever you decide, know you aren't alone. Lots of people in their 20s are in the same boat (and beyond). Society has changed a lot - it's harder to get and keep a job than it once was, many people struggle to find someone to have a relationship with. Depression is on the rise. But you can overcome this, you can find a good job and have a great relationship. Your life is not over. It can get better. We're all rooting for you x

11111111

I dont remember much of whats happened in my life apart from sadness, thats all I seem to remember, apart from the couple of good times that I could count on one hand..

I dont have enough energy to exercise as I'm hardly eating

All I see is negative things now, I used to feel positive about things and be happier

I dont even remember what I done in my child hood, everything I liked doing in the last couple years I find boring and stupid now.

That's exactly how I feel, worthless.

I see people the same age as me with a nice job, nice things, a relationship/marriage and children and I simply dont know why I dont have any of them, seeing what everybody else has gets me really down.

I wish I could just hide away from everything and be somebody else

I shall go and look at that book,

Thanks for the nice words and advice, sorry for being negative but that's all I feel.

tiger_eyes

You really sound very low. Please make an appointment with your GP tomorrow morning. They probably won't be able to fit you in for a couple of weeks, so it's best to call sooner rather than later. You can prepare for the appointment by writing down your symptoms and anything else you'd like to talk about - you can also bring a friend or family member if you need support. The GP will ask some questions and possibly get you to fill out a questionnaire designed to help diagnose anxiety and depression. Then she'll suggest treatment options. She may recommend medication, she might refer you to local mental health services, and she'll probably tell you what we're telling you now about self-care.

I don't mean to push you, but this sounds like a downward spiral. If you're feeling too low and depressed to take real steps to improve your wellbeing, the only way this gets better is through professional help.

tiger_eyes

It's also worth noting that your GP might be able to refer you to specialist services to support you in getting back into employment. My local mental health services run a specific course for this. A lot of unemployed people begin to suffer from depression, and good treatment might make you more successful at jobseeking.

Here's an article about talking to your GP about depression. Sound familiar?

The depressed person often holds self-defeating views about why they should not seek help from their GP.

They may believe that depression is not a worthy use of a GP's time – but it is. They may feel nothing can be done – it can. They fear the side-effects of medication or having 'depression' recorded as a black mark in their medical notes – they need not.

The message is simple: depression is a genuine, common and serious medical problem and the sooner you talk to your GP about it the better.

arbrighton

I didn't think I had the attention span to meditate either (and it sounded like hippy BS as well ) but I signed up on headspace for the free sessions- it's only ten minutes at a time and it has helped me.

Agree with others that GP would be a good idea- ask about referral to counsellor as well as any medication suggested. I've been on ADs for well over 2 years now, finally reducing the dose with a view to coming off but taking it steady.

Lambyr

I don't know how much help I can be but wanted you to know you're not alone feeling that way. It would be a good idea to get to a GP.

I'm a bit older than you. I've spent my adult life as a carer. There have been (and still are occasionally) many times when I think that I'm pretty much screwed. Had so much difficulty shaking the idea that I'll never get a "proper" job once I'm no longer a carer cos who'd want me? I used to be happy, optimistic but cos the way things have gone, seeing my mother, my strength, becoming more and more dependent on me has been tough.

I started seeing the negatives. No future. No real present. Then there comes a point when all I saw was negatives. I wasn't happy. I became basically a robot fulfilling duties then sitting around poking away on the Internet waiting for the next set of tasks. All those things I used to enjoy I lost interest in. My weight fluctuated pretty wildly cos I'd go through periods of forgetting to eat and then binge eating. I started distancing myself from all but a handful of friends. Pretty much the ones who wouldn't let me distance myself from them.

I did also get jealous of others. They'd have nice holidays, new cars, families etc. I had nothing. I, like you, felt worthless. I started believing that some of us aren't meant to be happy. Like there is just something out there that decides for us that we're not meant to experience things, find love and all that which everyone seeks. I honestly started feeling my only purpose was to look after my mum and then once that's over there'd be no point anymore.

It's made me really depressed at times and the moment you're in that depression it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Nothing good can happen when you're depressed because your mind won't let you see the good. Everything you see is glassed over by the negative and if something "good" does happen it still doesn't make you feel good because you just think something better could have happened. And all those things you dislike about yourself no matter how big, small or comparatively insignificant become so much wholly unbearable.

I spent years feeling low and I refused to seek help cos I figured that I was the one who was supposed to be strong now and be the fixer for everyone else but in the end, with the support of one of my friends who wouldn't let me go, I eventually relented and went to a GP, got a referral for therapy and had someone to talk to.

And having someone to talk to is amazing. Someone who won't judge you, who's just there to listen and who you know isn't just gonna tell you what they think you want to hear. I actually started looking forward to those appointments. I learned a few new skills for coping and some of that motivation that I'd lost came back. Most importantly I learned that it's not a weakness to ask for help.

Still a carer but also studying with the Open University now. That's been good because I've learned that being able to take any small victory as a victory is a good thing. I'm on course for a distinction on my current module. That's made me smile. Few months ago I found out from a friend about a scriptwriting competition. Not written a script before but gave it a bash and wrote a script based on a slightly fictionalised account of my own fears for the future and its currently made it to the shortlist to be produced. It's a no-budget thing so even if they film it I won't make any money or anything but it's an achievement to get that far and I'm taking it as such. Even in a relationship now too. It's a little complicated but it's working and making me happy.

And those things I used to do but couldn't find enjoyment in when I was in the worst of my depression, I can take enjoyment from them again now.

There's still lots I feel I'm missing out on, or things I wish I could change but because I actually asked for help and got help I don't see the world quite so negatively any more. Sometimes I still have bouts where the depression takes over but more and more I see reasons to be positive. It's a difficult journey and it won't always be easy but nobody deserves to feel depressed, nobody deserves to feel worthless. You have worth and chances are good you're actually an amazing person who just needs some help and guidance to see it again.

It could and I truly hope it does work for you if you see a GP and get some help.

11111111

Thank you all for the kind words, I don't know what to say in reply to anything that's been said other than thank you for listening to me and giving me advice

miss_independent

11111111 wrote: »

Thank you all for the kind words, I don't know what to say in reply to anything that's been said other than thank you for listening to me and giving me advice

You are welcome, you can see from the replies that lots of us have been there and come through the other side. We want you to get better.

Are you going to see your GP? It's vital you do as, without help, it's quite possible you will keep on the downward spiral. All of the not eating, no energy etc, difficulty concentrating are symptoms of depression (and anxiety which you seem to struggle with too). Symptoms that can be treated with the right medical help, like any illness.

If you find it hard talking to the GP, you could always print off this thread as a starting point. I know when I went to the GP with Anxiety/Depression I was so worked up that when I got in the room I burst into tears and immediately started apologising and saying "I just don't feel like myself". He (and other professionals I subsequently came into contact with) had a questionnaire which he read out to me which made the whole process easier.

If I could go back, I would insist on talking therapy or CBT when I saw the GP. I only accessed counselling for the first time 6 months ago (5 years after I was diagnosed with depression) and I paid for it privately. I was emotionally and physically abused as a child and neglected due to having two addicts in my immediate family. I struggled with post traumatic stress and chronic low self esteem into adulthood. It was no wonder that I became depressed! When I first saw the GP he put me straight on medication for anxiety and depression. I was on the anxiety meds for 1 month and the anti-depressants for 6 months. The depression came back because I hadn't dealt with the trauma from the past and I needed talking therapy to help change my negative thought patterns.

I tell you all of this to emphasise that I don't think medication alone is always a good solution. Medication helped me to eat again, have more motivation, slow my racing thoughts down and not want to jump out of a tall building. It didn't solve the long term problems of self hate, self neglect, lack of confidence and loneliness - but counselling did. A combination of medication and talking therapy is, in my mind, the ideal. So when you go, be clear with the GP that you want to access some sort of talking therapy and explain the kinds of thoughts you have so he can understand a bit better what service to point you to.

Best of luck to you x

11111111

I want to get better, I want to be happy and I want to have the simple things that everybody else around me has, I dont think I deserve them, I wish I could buy happiness.

marisco_2

11111111 wrote: »

I feel I'll just stay like this forever and die having done or achieved nothing in life.

Nothing in life is ever permanent, good or bad. Thinking too far ahead can end up being overwhelming. Take one day at a time and set yourself achievable goals that boost your confidence, happiness and self esteem. Maybe long term counselling could be helpful. You would be gently guided to work through all that troubles you and to find strategies that can make your life much nicer and fulfilling than you are finding it now. Good friends. The ones worth having by your side wont desert you when you are struggling. Good luck and well done for being so brave and honest about all that is going on for you