In Need Of Advice

11111111

I've used a different username to post this to keep it anonymous

Where do I start?

I feel like I'm a failure, I have a massive inability in finding a job, or having a relationship, it's embarrassing and hurtful to see people younger than me have both of those things, they probably seem like little things to everybody but to me it would mean everything.

I know I'm still young (20s) but I feel like nothing will change and I'll never get anything I want, I have bad anxiety and confidence issues, I wish I could just change everything in my life and just be happy

I just dont know what to do.

Guest101

Stop, Breath, Get some support from this thread, but for practical advice, you need to give more details

thriftylass

Hi, couldn't just read and run. I was in a similar position to you in regards to relationships, confidence etc. Felt trapped my current circumstances, never met anyone new, didn't feel like I could be myself. So I thought what is keeping me here, nothing. So I moved away, completely fresh start. Ok moving abroad like me is maybe a bit drastic but have you considered just moving somewhere else in the UK? Apart from close family that you could still visit etc is there anything else that keeps you were you are?

For me it was the best decision ever. Yes, I miss my parents but that's it. I started completely fresh. No-one knew me, or had preconceptions about how I should be or behave etc. I now have a big circle of friends, and a husband just because I had to meet new people, new job etc. I had given up at the age of 26 to find a partner, thought I'd die an old spinster. It can happen. New life, new confidence, worked for me. Hope that helps, all the best.

11111111

Sorry for the long reply

I'm struggling to leave the house, I wouldnt be able to move and start new again, all my family are here too, I'm not sure, I just have really started to hate me

I have a VERY small circle of people I speak to, I fear that will turn into nobody, I'm even younger than 26 but I feel I'll just stay like this forever and die having done or achieved nothing in life.

fewgroats

If you're still in your twenties, you might feel you can return to education? Perhaps not. It's usually harder for you to so as you get older.

There are some ideas about starting businesses for next to nothing on this website. Here: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=27.

If you have trouble leaving the house try freelancing? Or studying online? But neither can be thought as healthy for you.

pigpen

My OH had never had a relationship until he was 27, he went through uni and worked at a corner shop after his dad got him in... you're not the only one!!

He met me at 29 after his 3 month relationship with a crazy drunk ended (she has since drank herself to death) and we have 3 daughters.. things can change very quickly just when you least expect it...

You can still do whatever you want to do... just do it.. you know the anxiety is there, you know it is irrational so put it in its place and do what you want!!

Just adding, My 17 y/o hasnt been out of the house alone since December, he has had weekly counselling/psychologist sessions for the last 14 months.. we got him enrolled in college 3 weeks ago.. you can do this and hiding at home is not the way to make leaving any easier..

tiger_eyes

Being nervous to leave the house is quite a high degree of anxiety. Just so we can give you better advice, are you in treatment right now, or have you been in the past? Tried medication? Therapy? Self-care techniques like exercise, fresh air, meditation?

11111111

Thank you for the replies

I felt a lot more confident when I had a job but since I've lost that, everythings just gotten much worse in every way for me, I miss being happy and believing in having a future and something to look forward to.

I'm not in any form of treatment or therapy.

I dont have the attention span for meditation and I hate fresh air

PeacefulWaters

Please see your GP. Don't downplay this. Get help. Well done on realising things aren't right.

Also work out how to help yourself. Some small suggestions below:

- remove caffeine and sugar from your diet.
- increase fruit and veg in your diet.
- walk around the block twice a day. Even if it's only five minutes each time.
- avoid addictive activities like smoking, drinking, gambling. Reduce Internet use too.

11111111

I dont eat much at all

I dont smoke, drink or gamble

I spend a lot of time on the internet looking for jobs and applying for them but nothing has come back yet and it's making me feel like even more of a failure every single day longer that I dont have a job

tiger_eyes

11111111 wrote: »

I felt a lot more confident when I had a job but since I've lost that, everythings just gotten much worse in every way for me, I miss being happy and believing in having a future and something to look forward to.

11111111 wrote: »

I spend a lot of time on the internet looking for jobs and applying for them but nothing has come back yet and it's making me feel like even more of a failure every single day longer that I dont have a job

These feelings are understandable, but irrational. It's absolutely not necessary to continue feeling this way. Anxiety and depression are extremely common and extremely treatable. Scientific studies strongly suggest that exercise is one of the most effective forms of treatment for mild to moderate depression and anxiety, and for more serious problems, medication and/or therapy are statistically very likely to help you. I think there's a great chance you could feel a whole lot better if you let your GP treat you. Your GP sees this all the time and should be happy to help.

I went through 10+ years of persistent low mood and feelings of hopelessness. I was irrationally convinced that nobody could help me and I'd never feel any better. In fact, I started to feel better within 2 weeks of entering treatment with my GP. If I'd realised how effective treatment would be, I would have started years ago. Please don't wait any longer.