Relationship breakdown, get out of my house!

Guest101

Munzz wrote: »

Evening All,

I'm going to try and make this brief and easy to understand and any advice would be greatly appreciated here as I'm really losing the will to live!

1) I purchased a house in June 2015 which required a lot of work to be completed before it was habitable. - Just your name presumably?

2) During this time, I was living at home with my parents whilst my girlfriend and 2 year old were living in privately rented accommodation. - your child I presume?

3) Fast forward to November'ish 2015, my girlfriend gets an eviction notice from her landlord due to unpaid rent. I was unaware of this but offered to allow her to move in to my newly purchased property with me and our 2 year old at the beginning of December 2015 (the house was livable at this stage but still required attention!) - I could go into detail about eviction, but it's not relevant.

4) We had agreed that she supports me financially but as soon as we moved, she drops a bombshell advising shes in debt and cannot afford to pay what we agreed. Since living with me, she has paid the TV license and a Virgin Media package (which was stopped a few times due to falling behind with payments). - What do you mean support you? do you mean contribute?

5) Throughout Jan, Feb, March and April it was clear that we weren't working and her attention drifted elsewhere to other male attention. Having enough, we both agreed the relationship wasn't working and we were to go out separate ways. - Unfortunate, but probably for the best

6) Now, this is the current situation. She has no money for a deposit to privately rent another property, and as she currently still lives with me, she's not deemed a priority for council housing. - So kick her out. Not your child though.

7) Based on what she's done, I want her out of the house but don't want to throw her on the streets as I want to support her, after all, she is my sons mother (a good one too). - Well there's limited options. You kick her out. Or You pay for her to move somewhere.

So this is where the situation is. What can I do to ship her out of the house, but ensure shes not left on the streets? I am willing to look after our son until she is settled (I work full time and she is the "full time carer").

The most reasonable suggestion I have had is to write her an eviction letter which she can take to the council which should support her to be housed quicker. - Nope. As it's not legally anything valid.

This is an extremely difficult situation, and it's having an impact on our child due to arguments etc.

Any support or advice anyone could offer would be greatly appreciated.

1: Pay for her new place
2: kick her out, change the locks


That's literally it

Guest101

thorsoak wrote: »

Are you paying maintenance for your child?

??!! Are you mad?


The child lives with his father, in his fathers house, if anything the mother should be paying maintenance.

Munzz

deannatrois wrote: »

Why is she responsible for paying nursery fees on her own? If she moved out and you had the child, could you pay them or contribute? They can be rather high. You said originally she was the stay at home mother.., obviously she isn't if she's working 5 days a week lol.

It might be worth her going for some debt counselling advice through somewhere like Stepchange. They can arrange for interest charges to be suspended, repayments to be adjusted. Its sounds like some adjustments are needed otherwise she'll never be able to survive on her own or with you. If all her money is going on nursery fees and debt repayment, she can't survive.

She needs to make a list of these debts at the very least.

Is there any point to what she is saying? It all sounds very confused. It sounds like there has been a lot of 'not talking honestly about things' going on between the two of you. Maybe this is how the situation arose. Obviously she isn't on here, but you are and well, you are saying conflicting things. Not trying to pick on you, I promise but it looks like theres a lot of chaos going on and to be honest, it looks like both of you have caused this, its not just a problem for one person in the household. Maybe this needs to be looked at. Communication problems could also be a cause of her 'seeking someone else'. I remember when I had my first child, with my now ex (who really wasn't responsible with money), the strain of trying to budget and pay things when 'surprises' kept appearing (money he'd spent on the spur of the moment) made a stressful situation worse. Maybe your relationship isn't as over as it could be.., maybe you two need to work on things. Like an honest budget so you can both feel in control again.

I'm trying to get you to see that this may not be just her problem. It sounds like both of you are hurting, its not just one sided.

I appreciate the situation can come across quite clouded but this is literally it. We agreed together that I would continue paying for the house/bills and she will foot the nursery costs. She works 5 days a week currently, with our son going to nursery 2 times during the week and staying with Grandparents for another day. This hasn't always been the case.

We have both agreed the relationship is over, and we need to be civil for our sons sake (and our sake too I suppose).

pigpen wrote: »

I'd pay her deposit for a rented place.. I would NOT be her guarantor though and I would make it abundantly clear that was all she was getting apart from of course supporting your child.. thats not optional

If she chooses to get herself in debt or lose her home because she hasn't paid the rent that is not your responsibility and your child will simply come live with you should she be homeless.. she is the one in control of that.

You could get a solicitors letter giving her a date/time to move out.. maybe 4 weeks notice to find somewhere .. she can take that to the council too..

I've already said I will not be a guarantor and/or rent a place out on her behalf, its too risky.

This seems to be the most logical option, and I hope she can be housed prior to the eviction notice.

Munzz

Guest101 wrote: »

1: Pay for her new place
2: kick her out, change the locks


That's literally it

Thanks for this. Yes, the house is mine all in my name. We agreed she would contribute financially to the property but this never happened as expected unfortunately.

Yes, her child is also my child so this is why we need to be civil.

I really want too support and ensure the best for all involved (high hopes I know) but I also do not want to be a door mat.

Guest101

Munzz wrote: »

I appreciate the situation can come across quite clouded but this is literally it. We agreed together that I would continue paying for the house/bills and she will foot the nursery costs. She works 5 days a week currently, with our son going to nursery 2 times during the week and staying with Grandparents for another day. This hasn't always been the case.

We have both agreed the relationship is over, and we need to be civil for our sons sake (and our sake too I suppose).



I've already said I will not be a guarantor and/or rent a place out on her behalf, its too risky.

This seems to be the most logical option, and I hope she can be housed prior to the eviction notice.

Your eviction notice is meaningless. She's not homeless and you have no intention of making her such.


the council will totally ignore it

Guest101

Munzz wrote: »

Thanks for this. Yes, the house is mine all in my name. We agreed she would contribute financially to the property but this never happened as expected unfortunately.

Yes, her child is also my child so this is why we need to be civil.

I really want too support and ensure the best for all involved (high hopes I know) but I also do not want to be a door mat.

Honestly, lots of people will post support, some will suggest mediation, a couple will suggest you move out (?!!!), but the reality is those two options are literally it from a legal point of view.


I do agree with keeping things civil, but watch out, all she needs to do is read about non-molestation orders, pick an argument with you, call the police and you'll be banned from your own home.


I'd resolve this sooner than later. Deposit and first months rent on a nice 1 / 2 bed

psychopathbabble

Sadly my cousin had to go into a hostel for a few weeks with her 1 year old as the letter from her mum wasn't enough to make her a priority. It might well be that you have to actually kick her out and they place her in emergency housing... my cousin couldn't even stay at a mates for a night as it was deemed a place to stay!

Good luck, sounds like a tough situation either way.

burlington6

I'm going to give you the same advice you'd get if your genders were reversed.

Get her out asap and don't give her any time to fight the situation

foolofbeans

If your ex girlfriend is now a single, working parent she can claim tax credits if she works more than 16 hours a week - has she done this?
I recall tax credits being quite generous to a single parent and so should provide enough of an income that she can save a deposit quite quickly. If you can match the savings that would ensure a quicker exit.
You should put a time limit on her stay as it may be too comfortable to stay there.
The likelihood is high that she will have to leave and sit at the council offices until they provide emergency accommodation. You may not want your child to have to go through that but without a child I doubt she will be be able to obtain assistance. Emergency housing should give her some time to sort out private rental or she may be lucky and get social housing but hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

[Deleted User]

Non molestation orders/harrassment orders aren't easy to get. I couldn't get one even when my ex was knocking at the door each night trying to get me to open it.., me and the children were upstairs scared to death. Police wouldn't even go for a harrassment order (although we were definitely harrassed and scared) because he wasn't f'ing a blinding at the door or making threats. Horrible situation to be in. Bit of an eye opener. We were on our own.