Relationship breakdown, get out of my house!

Munzz

Evening All,

I'm going to try and make this brief and easy to understand and any advice would be greatly appreciated here as I'm really losing the will to live!

1) I purchased a house in June 2015 which required a lot of work to be completed before it was habitable.

2) During this time, I was living at home with my parents whilst my girlfriend and 2 year old were living in privately rented accommodation.

3) Fast forward to November'ish 2015, my girlfriend gets an eviction notice from her landlord due to unpaid rent. I was unaware of this but offered to allow her to move in to my newly purchased property with me and our 2 year old at the beginning of December 2015 (the house was livable at this stage but still required attention!)

4) We had agreed that she supports me financially but as soon as we moved, she drops a bombshell advising shes in debt and cannot afford to pay what we agreed. Since living with me, she has paid the TV license and a Virgin Media package (which was stopped a few times due to falling behind with payments).

5) Throughout Jan, Feb, March and April it was clear that we weren't working and her attention drifted elsewhere to other male attention. Having enough, we both agreed the relationship wasn't working and we were to go out separate ways.

6) Now, this is the current situation. She has no money for a deposit to privately rent another property, and as she currently still lives with me, she's not deemed a priority for council housing.

7) Based on what she's done, I want her out of the house but don't want to throw her on the streets as I want to support her, after all, she is my sons mother (a good one too).

So this is where the situation is. What can I do to ship her out of the house, but ensure shes not left on the streets? I am willing to look after our son until she is settled (I work full time and she is the "full time carer").

The most reasonable suggestion I have had is to write her an eviction letter which she can take to the council which should support her to be housed quicker.

This is an extremely difficult situation, and it's having an impact on our child due to arguments etc.

Any support or advice anyone could offer would be greatly appreciated.

onlyroz

Can't she lodge somewhere? I would expect the deposit and referencing requirements to be less onorous.

thorsoak

Are you paying maintenance for your child?

mark5

thorsoak wrote: »

Are you paying maintenance for your child?

Why would he pay maintenance when the child is living with him, it sounds like he's supporting his child and ex.

Munzz

Forgive me for asking a silly question, but what does lodging entail? Is this when you live with someone else?

I don't pay maintenance but of course financially support my son as he lives with me.

In an ideal world I want this to be as simple as possible, without having a huge impact on my son.

onlyroz

Yes, lodging is where you rent a room in somebody else's house. E.g.:
http://www.spareroom.co.uk
Would the 2-year-old live with you or her?

[Deleted User]

As she left her last property due to rent arrears, that will make it difficult for her to find even council property.., but some people do even in that situation. She needs to go there and enquire. They will gatekeep (tell her no) but she'll need to persist. She may, at worse, be given a month in emergency accommodation (which may be B&B). The council may offer her a loan to pay the first month's deposit and rent, but depending on the area LL's who will accept a tenant on LHA can be few and far between, particularly if she's already been evicted due to rent arrears. Some seem to manage it even so however.

Whether she can find 'lodging' accommodation without a deposit depends on the area. Unfortunately, the sort of places that offer this can be dodgy. But she may have no choice in order to start again.

Can she find a job if she isn't looking after your/her son? Will you be able to sort child care if you are and working? It sounds to me like the reasons why she got into rent arrears before need to be looked at as well, otherwise it will just happen again. But she needs to be prepared to work on it. From what you say (and its only one side so the situation may not be as it looks on here, we don't know) there may be a pattern of bad decisions, that may continue.

Is she willing to leave your/her son with you? Will you sort out custody arrangments legally or just wait for her to sort herself out in whatever way she can and see if she comes and gets him (nightmare)? I am really sorry, but you are aware she could just move in with the next man (she may not but it may happen this way)?

I read that it seems you were expecting her to support you initially? I'm not really sure how a woman with a child and no job could do that?

I'm afraid there are a few mountains to climb to begin sorting this situation out.

selloptape

As you are the only one working does she have any income at all that she can save for a deposit?

Munzz

onlyroz wrote: »

Yes, lodging is where you rent a room in somebody else's house. [/url]
Would the 2-year-old live with you or her?

Thanks for the response, unsure how well this suggestion will go down with her, worth an ask.

deannatrois wrote: »

As she left her last property due to rent arrears, that will make it difficult for her to find even council property.., but some people do even in that situation. She needs to go there and enquire. They will gatekeep (tell her no) but she'll need to persist. She may, at worse, be given a month in emergency accommodation (which may be B&B). The council may offer her a loan to pay the first month's deposit and rent, but depending on the area LL's who will accept a tenant on LHA can be few and far between, particularly if she's already been evicted due to rent arrears. Some seem to manage it even so however.

Whether she can find 'lodging' accommodation without a deposit depends on the area. Unfortunately, the sort of places that offer this can be dodgy. But she may have no choice in order to start again.

Can she find a job if she isn't looking after your/her son? Will you be able to sort child care if you are and working? It sounds to me like the reasons why she got into rent arrears before need to be looked at as well, otherwise it will just happen again. But she needs to be prepared to work on it. From what you say (and its only one side so the situation may not be as it looks on here, we don't know) there may be a pattern of bad decisions, that may continue.

Is she willing to leave your/her son with you? Will you sort out custody arrangments legally or just wait for her to sort herself out in whatever way she can and see if she comes and gets him (nightmare)? I am really sorry, but you are aware she could just move in with the next man (she may not but it may happen this way)?

I read that it seems you were expecting her to support you initially? I'm not really sure how a woman with a child and no job could do that?

I'm afraid there are a few mountains to climb to begin sorting this situation out.

Sorry, I should have mentioned, she currently has 2 part time jobs working 5 days a week so there is an income but as she owes a fair bit of money and is responsible for paying nursery fees so there is little or none left over for savings.

Prior to us both moving out, I did occasionally stay at her rented house which she claims ate into her savings and why she is now in debt. Note that I was unaware of this at the time...

selloptape wrote: »

As you are the only one working does she have any income at all that she can save for a deposit?

Yes, she does have an income but this is usually straight in and out which doesn't allow much room for saving.

[Deleted User]

Why is she responsible for paying nursery fees on her own? If she moved out and you had the child, could you pay them or contribute? They can be rather high. You said originally she was the stay at home mother.., obviously she isn't if she's working 5 days a week lol.

It might be worth her going for some debt counselling advice through somewhere like Stepchange. They can arrange for interest charges to be suspended, repayments to be adjusted. Its sounds like some adjustments are needed otherwise she'll never be able to survive on her own or with you. If all her money is going on nursery fees and debt repayment, she can't survive.

She needs to make a list of these debts at the very least.

Is there any point to what she is saying? It all sounds very confused. It sounds like there has been a lot of 'not talking honestly about things' going on between the two of you. Maybe this is how the situation arose. Obviously she isn't on here, but you are and well, you are saying conflicting things. Not trying to pick on you, I promise but it looks like theres a lot of chaos going on and to be honest, it looks like both of you have caused this, its not just a problem for one person in the household. Maybe this needs to be looked at. Communication problems could also be a cause of her 'seeking someone else'. I remember when I had my first child, with my now ex (who really wasn't responsible with money), the strain of trying to budget and pay things when 'surprises' kept appearing (money he'd spent on the spur of the moment) made a stressful situation worse. Maybe your relationship isn't as over as it could be.., maybe you two need to work on things. Like an honest budget so you can both feel in control again.

I'm trying to get you to see that this may not be just her problem. It sounds like both of you are hurting, its not just one sided.

pigpen

I'd pay her deposit for a rented place.. I would NOT be her guarantor though and I would make it abundantly clear that was all she was getting apart from of course supporting your child.. thats not optional

If she chooses to get herself in debt or lose her home because she hasn't paid the rent that is not your responsibility and your child will simply come live with you should she be homeless.. she is the one in control of that.

You could get a solicitors letter giving her a date/time to move out.. maybe 4 weeks notice to find somewhere .. she can take that to the council too..