No children at wedding

Person_one

onlyroz wrote: »

As above, invite who you like to your wedding but be prepared for unintended consequences.

Yep, this.

The 'mood' around weddings seems very much to be that couples should do whatever they want, and that they should also get whatever they want!

If a couple don't want any babies or children at their wedding, fine fair enough, but they then don't also get to demand that parents with babies and young children pay for babysitters, or travel to the wedding only to have to leave at 7pm so that they still attend!

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

At the last wedding I went to there were 3 babies and about 8 under 10s in my immediate friendship group (the groom was an old university friend). We all stayed until about 11pm. The babies were asleep in their buggies by about 9pm, and the other children hogged the dance-floor for most of the night.

And as explained, not everybody has easy access to babysitters.


Most parents of babies are used to eating cold food one-handed while jiggling the baby with the other hand. I certainly would never have expected the whole table to wait for me if I had to step out to settle a baby or change a nappy.

Indeed but I took the post you are commenting on to mean that the speeches and rest of the reception had to be delayed until the wandering Mums had returned and eaten their food not that everyone else waited to eat. You can hardly have the speeches etc whilst some people are still eating after all.

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Indeed but I took the post you are commenting on to mean that the speeches and rest of the reception had to be delayed until the wandering Mums had returned and eaten their food not that everyone else waited to eat. You can hardly have the speeches etc whilst some people are still eating after all.

Not totally sure about the protocol regarding speeches, but my memory of the last few weddings were that people were usually on their puddings when the speeches started. I do remember during my brother's wedding having to leave the room during the speeches - my son was 3 at the time and we had a little wander in the garden to stave off the boredom, and returned a short while later during the best-man speech. I don't think anybody even noticed we had gone, and I would never have expected that anything should be held up on my behalf.

duchy

A wedding invitation is just that- an invitation to join the celebration. It is not a royal summons or a demand to attend.
If you can't get a babysitter/don't want to pay for one then graciously decline. Most couples have a guest list longer than number of seats and are more than happy to replace you if you can't attend.

Unless you are the bride, the groom or the celebrant the wedding can still go ahead without your presence

(Personally it's one of my pet hates to see exhausted children at events when they'd be happier in bed but the parents insist on staying and drinking til late.)

Person_one wrote: »

Yep, this.

The 'mood' around weddings seems very much to be that couples should do whatever they want, and that they should also get whatever they want!

If a couple don't want any babies or children at their wedding, fine fair enough, but they then don't also get to demand that parents with babies and young children pay for babysitters, or travel to the wedding only to have to leave at 7pm so that they still attend!

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

A wedding invitation is just that- an invitation to join the celebration. It is not a royal summons or a demand to attend.
If you can't get a babysitter/don't want to pay for one then graciously decline.

Well, quite, but then you get the posts on here (and the comments in real life I'm sure) with a clear expectation that parents are still expected to put themselves out and do everything in their power to attend.

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

A wedding invitation is just that- an invitation to join the celebration. It is not a royal summons or a demand to attend.
If you can't get a babysitter/don't want to pay for one then graciously decline. Most couples have a guest list longer than number of seats and are more than happy to replace you if you can't attend.

Unless you are the bride, the groom or the celebrant the wedding can still go ahead without your presence

Well yes, of course. But Person_one was commenting that some brides and grooms get put out if their close relatives decline their wedding invite due to childcare issues when a "No children" directive has been imposed.


It works both ways. If you don't want kids there then don't expect people with children to attend. If you're fine with having kids there then be prepared for some minor disruption. It also helps if you put in place some child-friendly measures, e.g. seating parents at the end of the aisles, or near the exits during the dinner, or providing colouring books etc for the kids to stave off boredom. And if you're a parent taking your child to a wedding then be considerate and step outside if your child is making a fuss.

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

Not totally sure about the protocol regarding speeches, but my memory of the last few weddings were that people were usually on their puddings when the speeches started. I do remember during my brother's wedding having to leave the room during the speeches - my son was 3 at the time and we had a little wander in the garden to stave off the boredom, and returned a short while later during the best-man speech. I don't think anybody even noticed we had gone, and I would never have expected that anything should be held up on my behalf.

Speeches generally don't happen until everyone is served (don't have to be finished) to avoid having wait staff making too much noise and interrupting. If your Mums were still on their main and pudding still needed to be served in most well regulated wedding venues it would delay proceedings unless the Mums were prepared to forgo their sweet to avoid delays. Usually they are discreetly asked if they will be wanting dessert when their main is served late. Some people take the hint...others are oblivious.

Jagraf

Person_one wrote: »

Yep, this.

The 'mood' around weddings seems very much to be that couples should do whatever they want, and that they should also get whatever they want!

If a couple don't want any babies or children at their wedding, fine fair enough, but they then don't also get to demand that parents with babies and young children pay for babysitters, or travel to the wedding only to have to leave at 7pm so that they still attend!

I agree with what you are saying. There are lots of other reasons peopke can't attend weddings too - so invite who you like and see who can come. That's the point of an RSVP. You don't organise a wedding aroubd other peoples children. They had them, they have to make their own decisions.

onlyroz

duchy wrote: »

Speeches generally don't happen until everyone is served (don't have to be finished) to avoid having wait staff making too much noise and interrupting. If your Mums were still on their main and pudding still needed to be served in most well regulated wedding venues it would delay proceedings unless the Mums were prepared to forgo their sweet to avoid delays. Usually they are discreetly asked if they will be wanting dessert when their main is served late. Some people take the hint...others are oblivious.

That's not a problem with the children, but with the parents though, isn't it? In a typical wedding with a few hundred guests it'll always take a while to serve three courses to all tables. I've never been aware of proceedings having to be delayed because of mums eating slowly and insisting on having their puddings delivered only once they've eaten the last morsel of their main - but if you're sure this is a common occurrence then I bow to your superior wisdom.

duchy

onlyroz wrote: »

Well yes, of course. But Person_one was commenting that some brides and grooms get put out if their close relatives decline their wedding invite due to childcare issues when a "No children" directive has been imposed.


It works both ways. If you don't want kids there then don't expect people with children to attend. If you're fine with having kids there then be prepared for some minor disruption. It also helps if you put in place some child-friendly measures, e.g. seating parents at the end of the aisles, or near the exits during the dinner, or providing colouring books etc for the kids to stave off boredom. And if you're a parent taking your child to a wedding then be considerate and step outside if your child is making a fuss.

I think the issue (whether real or perceived) is whether the bride and groom trust the parents to ensure they (and by extension their kids) WILL be considerate or not. If you've attended weddings where parents have behaved considerately then your attitude to having children at your own wedding is likely to be entirely different to if you've attended a wedding where parents have not behaved considerately and this impacted noticeably on the wedding. The actions (or inaction) of one parent at one wedding - can impact negatively of several future weddings.