Bullied at work due to going on holiday with work colleague!

xapprenticex

Im totally lost now

The problem with this is my wife's holiday dates are booked with work, which complicates matters even further. If another flight in Premium was offered, this wouldn't necessarily be a huge issue as long as her work were ok with this, which is far from a given.

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/ShowTopic-g1-i10702-k8414233-Thomas_Cook_cancelled_our_Premium_Seats-Air_Travel.html

daytona0

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Totally confused now.

You have a husband and you're not a lesbian but in your other thread, there's a link to a tripadvisor post where you say you have a wife...?

Could be the husband posting on behalf of OP?

maninthestreet

Do you have a HR dept? Given the alleged nature of the harassment, you may want to ask for their advice....

TRatings

xapprenticex wrote: »

hold on... did you go on holiday WITHOUT your husband but with this colleague?

Does your husband know you went on holiday with this person if he didnt go with you?

Very much so - he even took me to the airport!

Nothing to hide at all...

TRatings

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Totally confused now.

You have a husband and you're not a lesbian but in your other thread, there's a link to a tripadvisor post where you say you have a wife...?

I can see the cogs in people's brains turning! We share an account on here.

He even has knowledge that I've posted on here with this...genuinely nothing to hide!

TRatings

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Yeah, maybe. Odd that both have identical writing styles though.

I was just trying to get a handle on how best to angle a reply. Seems like we're not playing with a full deck here so I was looking for some insight.
But I'm none the wiser now!

Perhaps we're dealing with key personal details changed for anonymity but it's leaving me wondering what else has been tweaked for effect.

Think I'll just step away from this one....

Nothing tweaked at all. But obviously any sensitive details e.g. company, name etc have been omitted.

xapprenticex

TRatings wrote: »

Very much so - he even took me to the airport!

Nothing to hide at all...

Just ignore them then, it will pass soon enough. From what you've said there s no truth in it.

sangie595

TRatings wrote: »

Because she is a lesbian, and I have a husband as mentioned and the company is 'Christian', and employees are so shallow this would be enough source for extreme gossip.

On this basis given the pressure applied lying/sweeping under the carpet seemed the best idea at the time...

To be honest the whole thing sounds like a storm in a teacup elevated to the level of high drama by the way that you have handled / reacted to it.

You say that you had one threatening phone call from a colleague, who actually, in fact, didn't threaten at all but "intimated" something. In other words you thought that someone might be commenting on it, which is hardly the same thing. Especially since you clearly dislike your colleagues and the company so much - if the company is quite so "Christian" and subject to "extreme gossip", one does wonder why you and your friend are working there; and more to the point, why she might have shared her sexuality with anyone there, since it is hardly pertinent to the workplace. But whatever - you have had one phone call that really seems to have said nothing much, followed by some gossip which you stirred up by lying about the holiday which was bound to be found much juicier for gossip by the fact that you made it appear you had something to hide.

Then your friend has had "incessantly" phone calls from managers and colleagues. So, there's a lot of colleagues who have her private phone number then? And does the "accuse" here have the same meaning as the "threats" that you didn't have? Or is it people that she has given the number to phoning her to find out what the big deal is and why you both lied about it all? Because that is just human nature. Prurient. But human nature. You have created a story and people want the inside track.

And as for her manager, I would think they do have some questions they want to ask. Such as why have you both been lying about this? Why has she been off sick ever since returning from holiday? Was she so seriously ill before this, but could manage to go on holiday? Amongst others. Again, this all seems perfectly obvious things a manager might ask if they find out that someone has lied - and for what appears to be a totally inexplicable cause.

It seems that your own actions make it appear like you are both hiding something.

So honestly, what do you think ratcheting up the whole thing will do? There doesn't seem to be, from what you say, any bullying or harassment going on, but what do you think will happen if you wind it up a notch by putting in a grievance against named individuals (and you must name people - you can't complain that there is just some general gossip)? Is that going to make it go away, or is it going to make people gossip more? And when, as it probably will be, that grievance is lost, what next - how are you going to repair relationships at work? Could you face allegations yourself of making spurious allegations against others? Are you planning to take it to a tribunal - and for what? Because a tribunal is likely to consider this a soap opera without cause.

You've created a storm in a teacup with a group of people that you don't appear to have much liking for anyway - and if that is as transparent to them as you make it here, then it may well be mutual. And now you want to complain about it. Let it go and the gossip will die down. And start looking for another job. This clearly isn't a place you like working, and so it would seem to be sensible to find somewhere that you would like more.

SandC

I don't understand why the OP is getting such stick for this post! It is nobody's business who she goes on holiday with whether that's a colleague or not.

However, for whatever reason people seem to know about it. Whether that's because of instagram pictures or one or other of you told x people and the gossipers started. If you've got any work colleagues on social media - get them off! If you choose to share what you're doing outside of the office then you can't be surprised if it's discussed between those who have little else to do with their time.

So, whilst I agree neither of you deserve to be getting any grief at work through this, it is partly down to you for telling anyone in the first place.

The best course of action, for me, would be to just stop reacting to anything. Leave your friend to deal with her sick leave issues and don't rise to any more discussion. They will get bored, believe me, but not if you keep fueling the fire. If it really is so bad then a word with HR would be appropriate - it actually is affecting your work by the sounds of it. Workplaces can be such hotbeds of trivial gossip - I know from experience also what open plan offices are like for 'chat' - people are so interested in what others are doing, ha ha! Hope it calms down very soon.

Autumnella

I think it's the secrecy that has stirred the rumours. It makes people think you have something to hide. My best friend is a lesbian and we go away quite a bit without my family. No big deal. Why not just say "yeah I went on holiday with xxx she's my mate. Obviously nowt happened, I'm not that way inclined?"

However, if people won't let this drop it and you're feeling harrased I think it's time to speak to HR and perhaps raise a grievance.