Devastated!

pigpen

gonzo127 wrote: »

i think some people are jumping to some major conclusions here, there is no confirmation that he has been having an affair, granted the short time frame involved does raise that thought pattern however take this situation

He is married to OP.. he is [EMAIL="$h@gging"]$h@gging[/EMAIL] some other woman who is claiming to be pregnant.. that is having an affair, cheating, infidelity, being a skank, whatever you want to call it.. they are married, he is therefore wrong.. if he doesn't want to continue their relationship he should have said so before leaving and not left the OP hoping they could sort it out.

He has either left purely so he could have this affair with this other woman and convince his stupid self that 'it's ok, we're on a break'.. it was clearly not a one night stand .. had it been a one night stand why would he still be in contact with her? Why would she even tell him about a pregnancy? How many people actually keep in touch with those they had a one night stand with?? Most I've known have been too drunk to even remember their name! (I have NEVER had one so I can't speak from personal experience, only others) Or it had been ongoing she got pregnant and he has panicked. Or he just wants an excuse to not go back to OP and thinks this is the way to make that happen. ... Whichever reason.. he doesn't want to go back to the OP.

whizmo

To those doubting timeline though, it simple biology and is entirely possible to get pregnant on your first unprotected time so to speak. So long as this 'friend' was on her fertile period 4 weeks ago it would make her circa 6 weeks pregnant now so definitely far enough along to 'know' as she would have missed a period a fortnight ago. I had morning sickness constantly from 1 week before my periods were even due (twice) and conceived in the first cycle twice too. Whether this was coincidence on the 'friends' part or her tricking him only she knows!

All the best OP - Im sorry you are having to deal with this on top of what is a hard time anyway when having relationship problems. I hope you take the time to think things through and do what feels right for you. No one else can decide. (If you do forgive him ensure he's tested - you dont want anything nasty because he didnt protect himself).
x

gonzo127

pigpen wrote: »

He is married to OP.. he is [EMAIL="$h@gging"]$h@gging[/EMAIL] some other woman who is claiming to be pregnant.. that is having an affair, cheating, infidelity, being a skank, whatever you want to call it.. they are married, he is therefore wrong.. if he doesn't want to continue their relationship he should have said so before leaving and not left the OP hoping they could sort it out.

He has either left purely so he could have this affair with this other woman and convince his stupid self that 'it's ok, we're on a break'.. it was clearly not a one night stand .. had it been a one night stand why would he still be in contact with her? Why would she even tell him about a pregnancy? How many people actually keep in touch with those they had a one night stand with?? Most I've known have been too drunk to even remember their name! (I have NEVER had one so I can't speak from personal experience, only others) Or it had been ongoing she got pregnant and he has panicked. Or he just wants an excuse to not go back to OP and thinks this is the way to make that happen. ... Whichever reason.. he doesn't want to go back to the OP.

i am not saying that he wasn't having an affair whilst they were still 'properly' together but by the information we have at the moment, you are drawing your own conclusions, which might have foundation, but could be totally off the mark.

as do you know for obsolete certainty that he instigated the split? that he was the one that wanted to separate? or did the OP instigate it, and he has interpreted the words of 'time to work on ourselves' as its totally over and she is just trying to be kind, about it.

the OP states the woman who is pregnant is a friend of his, is it beyond the realms of possibility that the friend went over to see how he was getting on, one bottle of wine led to another etc etc.

i currently do not believe we know these things, and it is up to the op if she wishes to divulge this information. Because for all intents and purposes it does not matter.

the situation is what it is, this other woman is pregnant and the OP needs helpful comments not spiteful ones. Breeding hate is not helpful to anyone, and the OP needs to look after herself and give herself time to think, and get things in perspective, so she can decide how she wishes to proceed

Pollycat

pigpen wrote: »

He is married to OP.. he is $h@gging some other woman who is claiming to be pregnant.. that is having an affair, cheating, infidelity, being a skank, whatever you want to call it.. they are married, he is therefore wrong.. if he doesn't want to continue their relationship he should have said so before leaving and not left the OP hoping they could sort it out.

He has either left purely so he could have this affair with this other woman and convince his stupid self that 'it's ok, we're on a break'.. it was clearly not a one night stand .. had it been a one night stand why would he still be in contact with her? Why would she even tell him about a pregnancy? How many people actually keep in touch with those they had a one night stand with?? Most I've known have been too drunk to even remember their name! (I have NEVER had one so I can't speak from personal experience, only others) Or it had been ongoing she got pregnant and he has panicked. Or he just wants an excuse to not go back to OP and thinks this is the way to make that happen. ... Whichever reason.. he doesn't want to go back to the OP.

I agree it might not have been a one-night stand but I don't think you can say 'it was clearly not a one night stand' based on what the OP has posted in her only post so far.

He may have still been in contact with her because the OP says she was a 'friend'.
The apostrophes are from the OP so I don't know what she means by 'friend'.
But it doesn't sound like she was a random stranger he picked up.
So that explains (at least it does to me) why she was still in touch with him and why she told him about the pregnancy.

I'm not saying your hypothesis is wrong, just that you are making statements that may or may not be true.
we won't know if/until the OP comes back and adds more information.

System

catieeb06 wrote: »

Myself and my husband separated around 6 weeks ago- we seemed to agree that it would be a temporary split and we would work on ourselves with a view to getting back together.

I found out a couple of weeks ago that about 2 weeks into our separation he slept with a female "friend" and he subsequently found out on Saturday that she was pregnant. This person won't consider a termination and that's her perogative but since I found out last night I cannot stop crying. Every time he tries to talk to me I find myself in tears.

I just don't know what to do.

Let's do the maths (I have a bit of time on my hands..!)

• temporary separation happened roughly early to mid-March.. ergo:
• unprotected sex with 'friend' in inverted commas would have occurred around the end of March
• OP found out two weeks ago, which would have been around the 6th of April that the other woman is pregnant.

I am inclined to agree with pigpen. If it happened as described it is VERY soon to discover and announce a new pregnancy. Possible, but unlikely. The odds are that the pregnancy occurred earlier.

Pollycat

avogadro wrote: »

Let's do the maths (I have a bit of time on my hands..!)

• temporary separation happened roughly early to mid-March.. ergo:
• unprotected sex with 'friend' in inverted commas would have occurred around the end of March
• OP found out two weeks ago, which would have been around the 6th of April that the other woman is pregnant.

I am inclined to agree with pigpen. If it happened as described it is VERY soon to discover and announce a new pregnancy. Possible, but unlikely. The odds are that the pregnancy occurred earlier.

It's quite possible that pigpen is right.
I'm not saying she isn't.

But making statements of fact e.g.

• he has left purely so he can have an affair
• that it wasn't a one-night stand
• that he doesn't want to go back to the OP

that are unsubstantitated and based purely on her own imagination or experience in the absence of confirmation from the OP doesn't make her right.

BarryBlue

Grenage wrote: »

Two sides to every story. My wife left and that was that as far as I was concerned, she said she wanted to try and work it out, but in my eyes why would you leave if you want to work it out? I got on with my life, and my (now ex) wife later made contact with regards to trying again; awkward...

If your other half got intimate with someone after two weeks, it's probably not meant to be. It wasn't for us, and to be honest, it ending was the best thing that ever happened to me - I'm sure it's the same for my ex-wife.

Two sides? You wouldn't think so if you are a regular reader of the HH forum!;)

Strangely enough, my first wife tried to get us back together about 6 months after we split up. That was after about three years of it being a rubbish relationship. My reasoning was the same as yours so I said no way was it going to happen. I was in the early stages of a new relationship by then anyway.

I get on with my ex-wife very well now, as it happens. I only see her about once a year at most and that works fine for both of us.:)

pigpen

avogadro wrote: »

Let's do the maths (I have a bit of time on my hands..!)

• temporary separation happened roughly early to mid-March.. ergo:
• unprotected sex with 'friend' in inverted commas would have occurred around the end of March
• OP found out two weeks ago, which would have been around the 6th of April that the other woman is pregnant.

I am inclined to agree with pigpen. If it happened as described it is VERY soon to discover and announce a new pregnancy. Possible, but unlikely. The odds are that the pregnancy occurred earlier.

exactly.. so the husband would have told the OP about it before the pee was dry on the stick.. I think if I was married and my bit on the side was pregnant the last person I would be telling would be my spouse!!

Meepmeep

Yes, I agree - hate to say it, but thinking of all the people i know and situations I've heard of, my inclination is to believe that it wasn't a one night stand. Sure it's *possible* but probable, I doubt it.

I have one male friend who had a 7 month affair before leaving the wife for said other woman. Poor wife was led to believe it was a temporary split and they both went to counselling for ages on the pretence of seeing if they could make it work. Well, that's what he told her, but the reality was he had no intention of doing that but didn't want to say that or admit to affair claiming he was letting her down gently. Seriously, you couldn't make it up.
And that's not the only situation I've known where the man left a relationship citing its not working but had a convenient jump off.

Sorry OP I don't want to make you feel worse. But I would not automatically believe he is being open with you about everything because he's fessed up about one thing (you'd find out about anyway)
Take a lot of time, however much you need to let your initial emotions settle and see where that leaves you. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what anyone else would do in this situation, do what is right for you.

JuneAB

There is another senario that no one has considered, is the baby even his?

He could be telling the truth regarding the relations after the split and she could be pregnant, but what's to say she didn't get pregnant before and sees him as someone who is likely to stand by her?

I'm sorry OP that people here are speculating on your relationship and that you are going through this. I know from experience how utterly gutting it is. From my experience with my ex the relationship was going on a lot longer than he originally said and over the course of a few weeks more and more information came out regarding his new woman. It turned out to be the best thing for him and I (almost to the point we are friends) and we are both much happier.

I wish you all the best x