Name Change After Marriage

penrith

Queenie wrote:

:think: I was told that there was no legal obligation to change your name to your spouse's name

(And you don't *have* to have a wedding ring either).

I have kept my maiden name and still us the title Ms as i have always as i don't think women should have to use a title that gives details of their marital status as Miss/Mrs does. By keeping the same title and same name i didn't have to inform anyone official of my marriage as there weren;t any documents to change. I kept my maiden name because taking your husband's name harps back to the idea of ownership and women (and slaves) took the surname of their ''owner''. I believe that if I 'belong' to anyone, then surely it should be my father that i 'belong' to and i should therefore keep my father's name (my maiden name).

We also decided not to have wedding rings - a sentimental bit of precious metal and stone that if i got, i'd be heartbroken if i lost. I'd be permanently worried about losing it, getting it stolen etc etc If i never had one then i can't lose it. I didn't need it so we didn't bother. Also we only got married to ensure my partner had full legal rights over our children as i do automatically (the kids were all born prior to the law change that gives named fathers on birth certificates greater rights). Consequently we had a civil ceremony, a shortest ceremony you could, no rings, nor ''fancy bits'' and then left. The whole marriage took less than 5 minutes in total. Even the registrar commented on how quick it was without long vows and without rings. We treated the whole affair as just a legal proceedure - which effectively it was in our case. I know some might think the whole marriage proceedure was a bit 'clinical' and practical. It probably was and we were fine with that - the reality for us was that it was just a legal proceedure to get my partner his rights over the children (getting married was actually easier than getting the parental thingy document from a solicitor - i forget its name) but I'm pleased to say we're still very happy to be together. :j

I understand when you get married you are totally free to use either your maiden name or your married name, whichever your prefer and use them interchangably.

ribenagirl

penrith wrote:

I understand when you get married you are totally free to use either your maiden name or your married name, whichever your prefer and use them interchangably.

I ended up doing this for a while and in the end I got SO confused as half the time I was a Miss and the other half a Mrs, then I ended up doing the wrong signature on the wrong credit card, which caused a few problems, and unless you make it really clear to family and friends, they all get really mixed over what to call you - we just ended up getting Christmas cards etc addressed to both of us in our first names, no last name on the envelope!! It's good if you can trust yourself to be organised about it. I don't fall into that category

I like being a Mrs. I do feel that it enhances your status in society, and I know that sounds really old fashioned but I'm not going to make any apologies over it - I do look quite young for my age (30) and I find that people I don't know are a lot more respectful towards me, and I get less people asking ' is your mum at home?' when they come to the front door!

Rather than ownership and slavery these days, (but I'm remembering now that bit in Gosford Park where Helen Mirren tells the servants they're referred to by their employer's name! ) my own personal view is that sharing a last name is a simply a sign of wanting to be identified as a new family unit. When you marry, your husband is traditionally supposed to take 'responsibility' for you from your dad, harking back to the ownership theme, which is why you are given away and partly why women change their names to their husband's - but the important thing I guess is that you don't *feel* like your husband's property!! (he's pulling faces at me now :rolleyes:)

But the vows these days are fairly equal on both sides and couples take care of each other. What's in a name? It's all about your relationship at the end of the day, I strongly believe that, and not about whether you still class yourself as a miss, mrs, or ms, and even not about a ceremony at all

margaretclare

Hi all

Can I throw in a perspective?

When I married my first husband in 1957 I was never told that I could keep my own name. In fact, for a long time throughout my childhood I felt that my maiden surname wasn't even my own, because I was illegitimate and therefore *should* have had a father's name only he 'got her into trouble and then left her in the lurch' as they said in those days. (Needless to say, it wasn't the bloke who got any blame for all this as he was long gone - it was the woman and the unfortunate child who came in for all the disapproval etc). So I think I was quite happy to have my name changed for me. And it was done for you - people started addressing me by a different surname the minute I stepped outside the church door!!

However, it never felt like *me*. And initially we had to live with his parents, friction arose very quickly, I got into trouble from M-I-L for all sorts of things, me opening her bank statement by mistake was one thing, another was when an appointment to attend the Family Planning Clinic came by post for me and that time SHE opened MY letter, and oh the disapproval I got for that!! I left after a few weeks and went home, then began as a student nurse...

We got back together eventually but I always felt his surname wasn't *me* - I always felt it was M-I-L they were talking about. When I went to uni as a mature student I got deeply into feminism and I was no longer ashamed of using my mother's and my maternal grandfather's surname, so I changed it by deed-poll back to my maiden name. The solicitor who did this told me that it has never been a requirement under our law for a woman to adopt her husband's surname (it is a law in some states of the USA apparently) - it is only 'custom and practice'. I told my husband this and he said 'oh yes, I always knew that'. Apparently in 1957 there had been a young woman in a neighbouring town to where he lived in northern Kent who'd insisted on keeping her own name, and it had been so unusual that it had made the national newspapers (I hadn't seen it).

Fast-forward to 2002 and when I got married for the second time I felt I wanted to change, I wanted a new identity, even in my mid-60s, if that doesn't sound too daft. So when our minister announced that we were husband and wife (no longer 'man and wife'!) and said she was the first person to congratulate us as Mr and Mrs S, I was quite happy about it all.

Aunty Margaret

nadnad

Just to say I got married in November and from the age of about 10 had decided I would never change my name - I am still thinking about maybe becoming double barrelled but can't decide - my husband doesn't mind me not taking his name as he says that Mrs T is his mothers name and I certainly do not want the same name as my mother-in-law - has no one thought of this atrocity before!!

The only thing with not changing my name is that I frequently forget that I'm married - in fact I rarely remember - I still call my husband my boyfriend and just can't get out of the habit! Oh well.

Savvy_Sue

I was delighted to change my name, my initial and start of my surname made a swear word which haunted me through school!

But when my brother married, I sent them able labels for a wedding present as X and Y Girl's-maiden-name. It was a mistake, but they were tickled!

MrsMW

Like Margaret, I was "given" my first husband's name and always felt like my M-I-L, but I got used to it and in fact not many people ever called me Mrs so it never mattered to me. When I got married for a second time after being widowed my new hubby wanted me to have his name but suggested that I add it to my existing one which is what I did. I now have a double barrelled name for the bank etc. but no one ever uses my surname much so I don't use it very often although I sometimes get funny looks when I produce my credit card. People think I'm posh.

BargainHunterCat

I had a terrible time changing my name. Some people accept your say so but others demand to see your original marriage cert which is a pain. Even my local libraby had the cheek to ask for my marriage cert whereas the doctor's surgery didn't!!! You can still use your maiden name if you choose to be known as that in some circles (e.g. for business).
Mine was worse because I got married in France & had to have it professionally translated & certified. I wish I'd never bothered to change it now!
The only bonus with getting married in France is you can have as many certified copies of your marriage cert as you want for free! I've kept my original & sent certified copies to anyone who wanted one.
Shame you can't easily do that in this country...

Savvy_Sue

BargainHunterCat wrote:

I had a terrible time changing my name. Some people accept your say so but others demand to see your original marriage cert which is a pain. Even my local libraby had the cheek to ask for my marriage cert whereas the doctor's surgery didn't!!! You can still use your maiden name if you choose to be known as that in some circles (e.g. for business).
Mine was worse because I got married in France & had to have it professionally translated & certified. I wish I'd never bothered to change it now!
The only bonus with getting married in France is you can have as many certified copies of your marriage cert as you want for free! I've kept my original & sent certified copies to anyone who wanted one.
Shame you can't easily do that in this country...

I'm not saying it's easy, but I know when we had to 'prove' identities to the bank for the work bank account, we could either send off original documents or a certified copy. And a certified copy was a photocopy, signed by a solicitor, doctor or other highly professional person to confirm that this was a true copy and they'd seen the original. The bank gave us the wording to use. Fortunately we have a solicitor on the staff, and a doctor on the premises each week, so we got everything signed in-house.

I don't know about French marriage certificates, but am I right in thinking that French birth certificates are only valid for 6 months? So every time you need one, you have to get a new one from the mayor's office which issued the first one?

nearlyrich

Ticklemouse wrote:

Just gets lots of photocopies of your marriage cert. to send as proof.

You will need certified copies or the origianl for banks etc, we got one copy signed as a true copy in the bank and copied it for all others.

Just looked at my NI card and it's in my first married name and we have been married for almost 7 years:o

jellyhead

i'm pretty sure i got my NI card when i was 14 or 15, so it has my maiden name on.

has anyone read the handmaid's tale? fantastic book, but i did think of her becoming known as 'offred' when she became fred's handmaiden, that put me off taking hubby's surname! initially he said he'd take mine but his family got upset, nobody else will carry on the name unless his children do. so i took his name but young spud didn't want to. we thought he'd eventually change his mind, but 3.5 years later he still won't. the baby will have hubby's surname too, spud will be the only one with my maiden name, he still won't change it. if anyone who already has young children's thinking about it i'd advise doing it before they start education and get used to being known by their full name lol!

by the way, i was told off after 3 years of marriage by barclays for having 2 identites. barclays was the only thing i hadn't changed my name on, they would accept photocopies and i just never got around to letting them have the original marriage certificate. they told me i was breaking the law by having a halifax account in one name and a barclays account in another name - is this true?