Trying To Concieve

Rosie_Bud

Ooh Annie you could have opened a whole can of worms here, lol!

I am feeling frustration for a bit of a different reason today. My job is at risk of redundancy and I will find out on Tuesday whether I am safe or not :mad: . OK something obvious to feel p1ssed off about you may say. Yes I am annoyed for risk of losing my job but what I am actually more worried/annoyed about is having to have protected s3x. I have waited long enough for the BFP and to be honest I feel very bitter about having to "not" try for a little while. What makes me even more annoyed is that if I do lose my job that means having to not try for at least 6 months. Not sure about maternity leave in a new job but I know I cannot expect full benefits if I happened (yeah I wish) to fall pg within weeks of starting a new job. So now I am in a bit of a limbo situation until Tuesday, at the least. Grrr, and the other annoying thing about this is I have to appear to feel miffed that my job is at risk because my job is at risk when actually I feel more miffed that I cannot really ttc until all of this is sorted out! And I know that s0ds law would mean that this would be the month of the BFP (if its because I don't want it to happen) and that is all I really want. Yeah right, I don't even think s0ds law is that good! :rolleyes:

Anyone know about employment and maternity leave law regarding this? I am confident of finding another job if needs be but where do I stand re maternity leave if I had to get a new job? But then I think - No Rosie Bud, don't be silly you cannot have a baby while all this is going on and the uncertainty and everything. BUT I WANT ONE AND I WANT ONE NOW!

Oooh I think I got a bit aggressive there but it is sooo nice to be able to vent to you lot as apart from my husband no one else knows we are ttc. I haven't told my friend (who I mentioned a while back) because I really think this is enough for us all to deal with without landing the fact that I am ttc on her - and I possibly am not ttc now, iykwim!

Better stop now cos I am punching the keys on my computer!

Thanks for starting the ball rolling there Annie, I feel better (a bit) now.

RB xx

GracieP

I'm super p'd off today. I've had EWCM on and off for 8 days now, it's very weird but I guess I'm not having a normal cycle atm. The dh and I had a long talk yesterday and are now back on the same page about going forward , so while I'm not sure if pregnancy would be possible this month, I was getting gently excited about things.

Then walking our dogs yesterday I fell while climbing up a riverbank, and came down really hard on my left side. So this morning's attempt to bd was cut short by the searing pain in my ribs.:mad: To make matters worse last night the pain in my ribs and breast bone was a lot like the pains I felt when I was pregnant so I was lying awake til 3am calculating the odds of being pregnant due to some mid-week fooling around. I'd say it's about 0.4%, but as you are more fertile immediately after a mc I'm upgrading it to 0.5%, so I think we can all eagerly await my BFP next week.:rolleyes:

Rosie_Bud wrote: »

What makes me even more annoyed is that if I do lose my job that means having to not try for at least 6 months. Not sure about maternity leave in a new job but I know I cannot expect full benefits if I happened (yeah I wish) to fall pg within weeks of starting a new job.

If you did get made redundant would you have any redundancy pay? If you did could you put it aside to cover any maternity shortfall? Afaik, you should still be entitled to statutory maternity pay if you change job. But any additional entitlements are at the discretion of the employer. There are some companies who don't offer anything extra no matter how long you've been there, whereas there are (rare) others who will give it to you from the start.

jiblets1

Oh Rosie, I know what you mean.

I really want to change jobs, I'm a teacher and there are only really opportunities to move jobs at the end of each year. I'd tried to change jobs for two years in a row, now last year I didn't try, as we're well into the ttc. Not only are there maternity implications, but I really don't want to go into a job and let them all down by leaving before I've "done my time".
Now we've been trying over a year and I'm being to accept the fact that this could take a really long time. In which case I would be foolish to keep the job hunting on hold. I think when you're in the middle of something as life changing as this you are left with some really hard choices, and you can't possibly know what the best choice will be. It feels like it's all a trade off, and you have to accept that you can't have all of the things you want, and sacrifices will have to be made. Which sucks.

AnnieM_3

Glad you got that off your chest Rosie!

I have done a bit of research for you:

http://www.dwp.gov.uk/advisers/ni17a/smp/smp_20.asp

http://www.usdaw.org.uk/equality/resource_library/files/RLFMRlft6/MatRightsLft60406.pdf

Jiblets, it is such a gamble, you're right. Do you take the leap or stay where you're not totally happy in case you get the BFP? I'm sure there are more people in here than just you who feel like that!

Gracie, I'm sorry to hear you're not having a good day either.

I have now stuck myself to the sofa with superglue (well, I might as well have for all the activity I am doing/intend to do today!) and OH is bringing me a large bar of cooking chocolate from the shop to stuff my face with.

Hooray for duvet days!

Rosie_Bud

Thanks for all your supportive replies guys,

jiblets - I sympathise with your situation too - you don't want to hold off ttc because you just don't know how much longer its going to take! I feel exactly the same. Does it mean you now have to wait till next July-Sept to be able to get a new job? Hey, who knows what will happen between now and then! Positive thoughts and all that! (I can be such a hypocrite sometimes hark at me!)

Gracie - are you feeling better now? You don't reckon you could have cracked a rib, do you? Might be worth getting checked out if the pain continues. Also a friend of mine has been having weird body stuff since her mc so I think this is totally normal (doesn't stop it being frustrating though!).

Definitely eligible for redundancy pay if made redundant so that is good . What worries me is if I did fall pg in the next little while and was made redundant it puts me in an awkward position if going for interviews and such like. Is anyone going to want to employ someone pg? Do you have to tell them if really early pg(or is it unethical to withhold it?;) )? I have checked and would be eligible for maternity allowance if I was unemployed but really don't want the added worry of still having no job to go back to (if the worst came to the worst and I didn't have a job)!

Annie - thanks so much for those links I hadn't even thought of looking on t'internet for info - think I am still shell shocked that I really could be unemployed on Tuesday afternoon!:eek: The DWP site was very helpful though and does give me some confidence of maternity allowance if I was unemployed - just really would rather be employed, but then lol wouldn't we all.

Sorry I am rambling now, hope this post makes sense and if anyone can shed any opinions on the ethics of withholding a (so far imaginary) pregnancy please, I am waiting with baited breath! Cor, you can tell I am an (over) worrier can't you!

RB xx

AnnieM_3

No probs, Rosie!

I'd have no qualms not telling a prospective employer I was pg - unless it was a really small firm (like an independent shop or something, where there were only a few employees) - they still have no right to reject you for being pg though!

Maybe if they offered you the job, you could tell them at that point - they couldn't rescind the offer on the grounds of you being pg, but you'd still be telling them before you actually started.

Yeah, I know that is really underhand, but I've been on the receiving end of some underhand dealings from employers that have beggared belief in their lack of ethics or basic morality, and it is just business when all's said and done!

Sami_Bee

Rosie: I'm just under 6 weeks gone and unemployed but looking for work, we decided to still ttc after I lost my job as it didn't bring much money in anyway, it was more for my sanity/ DS's chance to socialise.
After paying for childcare, petrol etc I only earnt about £20 a week so I'm technically better off on the dole:rolleyes:
I am/will not tell any prospective employers unless I get really bad with sickness.
legally you don't have to tell them until 15wks BEFORE your due date so you wouldn't be doing any wrong in not telling them.
There's no harm in looking, then if you get offered you could check out the maternity info in the contract if its not good enough for what you need then you could explain the situation to them I'm sure they would understand if you then turned down the position.
good luck either way xx

Rosie_Bud

Cheers Annie and Sami,

Yeah you are both right, no reason not to tell after an offer has been made but before starting. Maybe it is underhand but like you said Annie, employers aren't exactly the most honest or ethical at all times. Its just good that employment law, etc offers us more protection now and you can't be discriminated against because you are pg.

I think I've kind of talked myself into being made redundant and falling pg immediately, if only it were that easy! lol.

Just gotta wait till tomorrow now to see where I go from here. I think today will be the longest day ever though!

Thanks for the advice though, its good to hear from other peoples perspective.

Rosie xx

xcat_girlx

hi all,

hope you had a good weekend.

my weird line on my test was a BFN, was a bit gutted but i knew it was unlikley.

on the plus, i had what looked like ovultion CM on saturday and we did some BD'ing this weekend so im keeping my fingers crossed for 2 weeks time.

on the horrific bad side, my OH got 2 default notices through the post and a warning about legal action over 1 of his CC's this weekend. no idea what hes going to do about it. not looking good.

JC-P

AF arrived on Saturday so onto yet another month for us.
Feel a bit down today as I found out my best friend is expecting, feel like such a selfish, horrible cow of a friend. I'm thrilled for her but wish it was me too.