What's stressing you at the moment?

Silvercat38

To be honest, if he defaults and they come after me for the money, they can repossess the house for all I care - chuck him out on the street, it might teach him a lesson. (Kids are grown up with their own homes, so the only one hurt by this would be him.)


Sorry, just very fed up with something that seems to be out of my control.

SuzieSue

Silvercat38 wrote: »

To be honest, if he defaults and they come after me for the money, they can repossess the house for all I care - chuck him out on the street, it might teach him a lesson. (Kids are grown up with their own homes, so the only one hurt by this would be him.)


Sorry, just very fed up with something that seems to be out of my control.

Unfortunately for you, if they do repossess the house and the proceeds do not cover the outstanding mortgage, they will still come after you for the shortfall.

euronorris

I don't really have any major stresses at the moment, to be honest.


I've been through plenty in the past, and things were awful at one point when DH was at his worst (health wise) and my job at the time was super stressful etc etc. But, we came out the other side and since then, when the stressful things do happen I've taken a much more pragmatic attitude towards them: can I do something about it? Yes, OK, then do it. No? Oh well then. What will be, will be.


Stressing and worrying over things for days, weeks, and months on end changes nothing. So I don't do it anymore. (mostly - when my hormones do a number on me, I can go the other way)


However, I think a lot of this boils down to the individual. DH cannot deal with stress in the same way that I do. He suffers with anxiety, and although he's received help and copes a lot better these days he has a tendancy to 'spiral' about things very quickly, and usually unnecessarily. For example, last week I called him on Friday morning from the office as I had a migraine and needed him to come and pick me up and bring me home. I'm 33 weeks pregnant, was having a hormone surge as well, and so I was quite weepy when I called. By the time DH got to the office (about 10 minutes), he'd gone from me having a migraine to 'there must be something wrong with the baby, oh God, what if it's died, I can hear an ambulance! That must be for Euro. I'm going to get there and they're going to say she's been blue-lighted to the hospital!!'. Bless him. That thought process wouldn't have entered my mind.


As for the benefits issue. It was the same for DH. He'd had a breakdown, could barely leave the house, talk to people etc etc. They made an assessment appointment for him. Made it very clear he mustn't be late. He spent weeks leading up to it in tears, sleepless nights, unbelievably anxious. The day itself was the worst, but he went out of his way to be there and be on time.


They found him fit for work. You know why? Because he made it to the assessment and was on time!!


Luckily, I earn enough to cover us both, so we decided we'd just leave it as he couldn't handle the appeal process and trying to deal with that was detrimental to his health and would actually set him back.


Having removed that stress for him, and with help, he's doing much better now.

Pollycat

Silvercat38 wrote: »

My ex-husband refuses to remove me from our mortgage. I have not lived in the property for 15 years, am happily remarried, and the mortgage on the house I used to live in should have finished in 2008. However, I am receiving annual statements from the building society, addressed to me in my old married name, showing there is still a massive amount outstanding on the mortgage and there is still 7 years to go!

Are they writing to you at your new address?
If yes, how did they get hold of the address?
What do the annual statements show?
Was there a year when the amount owing went up massively, indicating a possible re-mortgage?

Silvercat38 wrote: »

Clearly, my ex has forged my signature and got either an extension on the mortgage or more money, but telling the building society this has got me precisely nowhere. I have written to them numerous times, but they just ignore my letters and do not even bother to respond.

If it were me, I would need to get to the bottom of this & find out if the ex really has committed fraud.

SuzieSue wrote: »

Unfortunately for you, if they do repossess the house and the proceeds do not cover the outstanding mortgage, they will still come after you for the shortfall.

^^^^ This is the reality of the situation you are in.
There is a very good reason why it is in your interests - and those of your new husband - to get to the botton of this now.