Save the dates

jackyann

No, I wouldn't either. Presumably they are people who are "second tier" (shame, but that's how it works!) so if they can't make it you won't be too upset.
I think most invitations (to almost anything!) should give an opportunity of refusal. I think you have 2 examples above of how people might feel.

So I would send them out just a bit before, and when work colleagues / old neighbours etc. express regret at not being able to attend, you can accept it at face value.

If you are very pressed financially, and are obliged, because of family politics, to stuff the main day with people you don't care about, but have one or two "specials" on the evening list, I would have a quiet word with them.
I have twice been invited, as parent of a childhood friend, to evening only dos. In those cases, the bride / groom let me know that they would have wished, because of fond memories, that I could have been at the main wedding. I completely understood their obligations, and was simply delighted to be invited at all.
However, I have found excuses not to attend other evening dos! I will more happily sit through predictable speeches than a thumping disco!

74jax

Is a save the date, an invite? Ie if you get a save the date you get an invite? Just asking as not sure. If it is, could you not send save the dates to day guests and invites to evening guests? Or just invites?

I'm not sure on the purpose of a save the date? Is it we are getting married on this date type thing? Could you let people know verbally?

iammumtoone

I don't understand why it is too early to send out official invites but ok to send out save the day? Isn't it the same thing?

If not I think save the day cards seem rude, are you asking that person to 'save the day' as you intend to invite them but may change your mind or sending them as you will definitely invite them? If the later why just not send the invitation?

I have never received a 'save the day card' what always happened in my case for a full day invite is I have known that person well enough, they have told me when the date is (I don't need a card, I am capable of writing down and keeping a note of the date myself).

Georgiegirl256

We received a Save the Date Magnet! Not just a cheap magnet either, but a chunky wooden bottle opener with the bride and grooms name on and the date.

Considering there was about 150-200 people at the wedding, that must have added hundreds on to the budget. We knew the date anyhow, so all in all a pointless exercise IMO.

Spendless

Skintmama wrote: »

Despite not naming them on the invitation they were also disappointed that we hadn't brought the children.......

Snap! I've had this happen to me twice (evening invites only). I mentioned it recently on another thread!

I agree with the others, just send save the date cards to those invited to the day and if you want a whole household to attend make sure you include everyones names.

pigpen

burnoutbabe wrote: »

agreed, I'd be very disappointed to get a save the date and then an evening only invite.

That happened to us recently.. it is really annoying.. but we had been told we were being invited to church etc.. then invite was just for the evening so only OH could go anyway and we arent even sure if he can make it now.

I wouldn't bother just for an evening do.

burnoutbabe

also I got a save the date recently and it did not actually say whether it was for just me or for me and other half.

So I had to wait until i got the actual invite to see who was invited.

Rachylou1981

I would only send to daytime guests but it may cause upset if some of your guests discuss and realise they haven't been sent one as they may think they are not invited at all.

I see a lot of good points and bad about them...they are good if people are known to go on a lot of holidays and may book a trip whereby they miss the wedding and be sad about it. But I also wonder if some get a save the date and then get another commitment from a different friend/family, whether a compromise is reached or they commit to the first event?

melanzana

I am not getting at the OP at all, please understand that.

BUT..... I would never go to an evening invite really. My OH calls them the "afterbirth" LOL.

I would of course give a nice pressie with a polite decline.

Why have afterbirths at a wedding I often wonder? Second class citizens.

I do realise that some cannot afford to have EVERYONE at the main event, but that is down to budget.

Sorry just having a bit of a rant here.

Best of luck OP, and congratulations. I wouldn't send a save the date to evening guests, they will be able to go if it's after work anyway.

mark5

iammumtoone wrote: »

I don't understand why it is too early to send out official invites but ok to send out save the day? Isn't it the same thing?

If not I think save the day cards seem rude, are you asking that person to 'save the day' as you intend to invite them but may change your mind or sending them as you will definitely invite them? If the later why just not send the invitation?

I have never received a 'save the day card' what always happened in my case for a full day invite is I have known that person well enough, they have told me when the date is (I don't need a card, I am capable of writing down and keeping a note of the date myself).

I work shifts and my holidays are on a rota, I don't pick them. If I want other time off work I have to arrange shift swaps with others, for this reason save the date cards are useful as they give plenty of time to arrange this .
Wedding invites typically come about 8 weeks before the date, I would struggle sorting out swaps with that notice.

We've only had save the date cards for day invites and never had an invite withdrawn so to speak.