Official Trying to Conceive - Thread 13

Rachylou1981

I cried all night and just cannot shake my sadness. Trying to keep a low profile at work today. My OH is so worried that it makes me feel worse. I've therefore booked an appointment with my GP to see if there is any support in the area. I don't think I've grieved properly for my MC to be honest

MancMama4

Rachy I was offered a referral at the GP for counselling but it was a 3 month wait in my area - I called the Miscarriage Association and they were wonderful so maybe give them a call if you feel you need to speak to someone sooner. Sending lots of love X

Rachylou1981

MancMama4 wrote: »

Rachy I was offered a referral at the GP for counselling but it was a 3 month wait in my area - I called the Miscarriage Association and they were wonderful so maybe give them a call if you feel you need to speak to someone sooner. Sending lots of love X

Thanks MancMama but I don't think I could talk on the phone, I just keep breaking down. I know that doesn't necessarily help either but I can compose myself better when in the presence of someone. The hospital did mention a group that met every month so that could be worth a try but I think I'd be better 1-1. Going to try some websites mentioned to me on here too.

athensgeorgia

Rachy really sorry you're having a bad time. You know I can relate and I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

I don't feel like I can be helpful and reassuring as I'm still having difficulties myself and my MC was in December. AF usually sets me off too. I've also been tearful this week as I have a lot of friends on FB who have posted about entertaining their children in the school holidays and I didn't do anything with my DD because I've been in work and all I can think about is I would have been on maternity leave now.

I also thought about going back to counselling but I know I'm not 'that bad'. I do feel in a more positive place than I was when I was going to counselling so don't feel it's appropriate at the moment. It even cheers me up when I think about what a bad place I was in and how much counselling helped me. I know it's not for everyone but I think it's worth giving it a go. We self refer in our area, it's through Mind. It may be worth looking in to it that way, if only to distract you a little bit.

newthrift

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newthrift

Rachy I really hope the GP are able to refer you quickly or you are able to find somewhere or a group ASAP. I'm really sorry that you are struggling. Maybe it would help if you took a step back from ttc whilst you come to terms with the MC and get yourself in a stronger place emotionally. Everyone is different and copes/deals with things different. I still struggle time to time and knowing I should have my baby in my arms now is really gutting but I have to trust that nature has its own plan and when my body is ready again it'll happen. Sending you lots of hugs xx

Rachylou1981

athensgeorgia wrote: »

Rachy really sorry you're having a bad time. You know I can relate and I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

I don't feel like I can be helpful and reassuring as I'm still having difficulties myself and my MC was in December. AF usually sets me off too. I've also been tearful this week as I have a lot of friends on FB who have posted about entertaining their children in the school holidays and I didn't do anything with my DD because I've been in work and all I can think about is I would have been on maternity leave now.

I also thought about going back to counselling but I know I'm not 'that bad'. I do feel in a more positive place than I was when I was going to counselling so don't feel it's appropriate at the moment. It even cheers me up when I think about what a bad place I was in and how much counselling helped me. I know it's not for everyone but I think it's worth giving it a go. We self refer in our area, it's through Mind. It may be worth looking in to it that way, if only to distract you a little bit.

Thanks Athensgeorgia. I feel like I need to pull myself through and people have it worse so help is a bit OTT. But it's affecting my daily life now. TTC has totally and utterly consumed me and I think I just tried to get over my MC by concentrating on getting pregnant straight away and now that hasn't worked, everything just seems ten times worse. Time is not on my side either. I keep telling myself if I was younger, I'd be a bit more relaxed (OH thinks this wouldn't be the case)

Rachylou1981

newthrift wrote: »

Rachy I really hope the GP are able to refer you quickly or you are able to find somewhere or a group ASAP. I'm really sorry that you are struggling. Maybe it would help if you took a step back from ttc whilst you come to terms with the MC and get yourself in a stronger place emotionally. Everyone is different and copes/deals with things different. I still struggle time to time and knowing I should have my baby in my arms now is really gutting but I have to trust that nature has its own plan and when my body is ready again it'll happen. Sending you lots of hugs xx

I know this seems sensible but I just can't do that. I feel like any month I miss would be a chance I give up and I am 35 so cannot gamble with my fertility.

firebird082

Rachylou1981 wrote: »

I know this seems sensible but I just can't do that. I feel like any month I miss would be a chance I give up and I am 35 so cannot gamble with my fertility.

I understand where this feeling is coming from (I'm 34), but in light of how seriously it's affecting your emotional health, surely it's worth considering sorting the feelings and emptions out. The extra stress of all these emptions that you are going through can't be helping anything. You can't just 'make yourself' get over what you've been through - you ned to process it properly, otherwise it will just sit there unresolved.

Sorry, just realised I sound a bit psychobabbble there, but I have been through an experience where dealing with an emotional issue properly made a huge difference to just 'burying' it.

athensgeorgia

Rachy I really think you should go for counselling. You sound exactly like I did. My main issue at the start was just wanting to get over it and my counselor got me to see this isn't something to get over but something I needed to grieve. I didn't know it at the time, as I've not felt loss before, but when I was eventually able to put it in to words the counselor said it sounds like grief from his own experience. On one particular session I was crying uncontrollably, heavy sobbing that I was struggling to breathe through. It was draining emotionally and physically and when we came to talk about it he said having seen me in this way he's certain it was grief.

So I think you're right. I think you need to be able to grieve. I can also relate to wanting to get pg so soon after. I seemed to have a difficult time between March and May and feel a bit stronger TTC now.